My first networking meeting

I went to my first networking meeting yesterday. It wasn't very well organised - but I think I caught them on a bad day. However I got a chance to mae my pitch and meet one or two people who may be able me build up Krystal Wolf

Sadly the hypnotherapy customer booked for yesterday cancelled but is intending to send me a small cancellation fee. Well we'll see if it arrives or not.

So things a bit mixed really. Sadly Tony has had a couple dry spells logged on - but when I logged on yesterday simply because I was sorting things out in the kitchen (and I can set up and reach the laptop quickly if a call comes in) I did actually get some calls.I am betting when we get our pay tho Tony will have earned more than me. We shall see.

Health wise I am back in the exercise routine having dropped out of it. And not only I am back in I am back doing my 10-10-10 routine which includes 10 minutes of jogging.

And in other areas - well I seem to be getting back to blogging which I guess means I am back to designing my life again. I am doing more regular self healing and meditation too

Designing my life?

Oh dear today is the 38th of October - and my last post here was 10th July. What happened? Well partly I was experimenting with Wordpress (not a success) Partly I was focussing on other blogs with limited success. But mainly I have been busy. So what has happened?

Well really quite alot

Krystal Wolf now has new premises at 21 Church Road Northfield B31 2JZ. We have use of a wholeroom on Fridays. We also hold circle their on Thursday evenings and I am tenetaviley dipping a toe in the water of running workshops and multo person reiki training sessions on a Saturday. The room is suitbale for reiki hypnotherapy and readings, and we have BITH had clients their. Tony's have only been walk ins but I have had people book. Also I now have 2 reiki clients up at Paula Jaynes PLUS I am now on the at home team of Psychic Today AND both Moonstone (me) and Fenris (Tony) have apperaed live on the TV . They got us into the studio on Saturday.

So what has prompted this return to my blog today? Well beleive it or not its the change in the clocks. I decided to do something constructive with the extra hour caused by the chnage back to GMT. So I have self healed and to pass the time while I wait for a call (I am logged on) I deciuded to get back to blogging too. Self heajing and meditation are two things I need to do on a regular basis - and that is one thing I haven't made much progress with cince July. 'Just do it' has been forgotten - but is now remembered. Espercially in view of the fact that last Thursday at circle 'just doing it' enabled me to give three names that Freda ( one of our new members - a lovely lady with years of mediumship experience) 3 names she could take. Much to my HUGE surprise I should add.

I have a half day pharmacy worked booked on a Saturday after Xmas - although I am expecting a few days in November. So my focus really IS shifting towards my other work....which is great.

Teaching reiki

Things have been up and down over the past few days. Some good things - like people ringing me out of the blue to ask if I TEACH reiki, or if I would be interested in an advertisement in a magazine - guaranteed I will be the only therapist form this area with an advert. But confusingly I am picking up negative vibes about my teacher attunement from my teacher. I suspect she doesn't think I am ready.... and maybe I am not despite the universes signals to me that this is what I should be doing.

But on the whole Krystal Wolf seems to be heading in the right direction.

But I have realised I still have a LOT of work to do on certain things.

I am wondering if some of my negativity is due to me not meditating as regularly as I want to. Well the solution to that is in my hands, I just have to DO it don't I.

"Just do it' is a good mantra. I adopted it for my exercise regiment when I realised how watching the step counter and timer held me back and limited what I did. It is also very similar to a phrase my reiki teacher used to me ' Don't over think things'

My mind gets in the way of my intuition - and I realise I have to give my intuition a freer reign if I am to succeed.

I have been doing well with exercise over the past couple of days tho. Jogging a lot more than I have been used to.

So on the whole more positives than negatives. Can I say I have been a 2%er tho. Well I do always recognise I am in charge of how I feel - I just haven't been very good at doing it lately.

Moving on

I am going for my master teacher attunement. Today has been great. I am changing my day at the hospice so I should get more patients. I have had some fabulous feedback from Rachel about her hypnotherapy - and her husband is so impressed he is considering having some. AND they may want me to work with their son David (middle child of 5) on anger management.

A couple of our friends may want to try hypnotherapy too. I've said I won't charge them but if they are pleased can they put a testimonial on the site.

I have someone who may be interested in paying me for some distance reiki.

Now all I need is a chance to try out for the psychic channel. !!!!!!!

Suddenly its all happening............

Silence is Golden............

Ummmm........ its been some time since I posted. I apologise for the silence This is partly because having gone to a seminar about using FB and twitter to market small businesses I have been working on our page and on twitter in a different way - and it takes more times. PLus the people at the seminar suggested a different blog site - which I have tried but its a bit 'blah' at the moment.

So how am I doing? Well I went to the GP about my thyrsoxine levels and ended up having the full works done including in weight and blood pressure. I haven't had a call to say they want to change or add any medication so I presume the results were OK........ which is good.

The reiki and hypnotherapy business is still slow ....but the pharmacy buisness has picked up. I have been at ROH today and am back there on Friday. The money will be welcome.

Talking of money we have had one HUGE success. STEVE HAS A PAID JOB. The form that gave him the internship have found the money for a 3 month contract - whihc is all goes well and he does ok will be extended........ AND He has let the second room in his house so from having no money he is suddenly ,,,,,well not swimming in it but has more than enough for his needs.

The next outing for Krystal Wolf Holistic Care is the psychic fayre at Stratford on July 21st. I am really looking forward to that.

But I am trying a new tack to get some money. I have applied to join Psychic Today as on of their option 0 psychics........... watch this space.......

Psychic Fair

We went to a psychic fair yesterday. Sadly it wasn't well signposted, and wasn't easy to find so footfall was very disappointing. Tony did one reading but I did 3. I was offering crystal readings which no-one else is offering. I had a real wow moment with one reading which involved mediumship. I got the relationship close (I said grandfather and it was great uncle) but I got the name. The look on their faces was amazing.

I am starting to have more confidence in my abilities - and that is brilliant. I have been actively trying to think much more positively - although it has been difficult.

Getting to the fair was NOT brilliant - and I was anything but calm. I had taken down the phone number of the organiser wrong so it got very fraught when the sat nav postcodes were unhelpful and we couldn't find the place.I still need to work on staying calm when things go wrong.

Steve has offerred to help us with marketing tips and with the website. He have me some advice about ways to increase the visibility of the site - which I have taken action on.

So here I sit at midday still in my dressing gown because I have been busy doing marketing stuff on the internet.

I am also feeling VERY pleased because Rachel has put an amazing testimonial on our facebook page Krystal Wolf Holistic Care I feel so pleased that she has benefitted from what I did.

On the down side - food and exercise have been horrifically out of balance. I have been tired with all the driving I have done ( Solihull,Nuneaton, Little Aston, Alcester and Solihull) all on consecutive days. Things will be calmer this week so I should start getting re-balanced soon.

Today I AM going to meditate, and I AM going to do some self healing. I have not done either for myself for way too long.

An utterly brilliant day

Well........yesterday was all sorts of amazing. It started when I struggled to post something suitable in IYSAH. I put something together, then went on the daily tarot pick for Krystal Wolf Holistic Care group. I got The Tower and I thought. Wow thats SO relevant to what I posted in IYSAH that I shared it with the group. Then I went on to do a pick for our new page - and again got a card that was so apt I felt it was speaking to me personally.

I headed up to the salon in a good frame of mind, and I did actually do one 10 minute treatment. I agreed with Paula that we would offer selected perm/colour customers a FREE 10 minute session. Well a suitable lady came in and accepted the offer. And she was interested enough to ask some questions as I was leaving.

The I went to Nuneaton to a meeting Clare had suggested I join. I don't know what I was expecting - but I was pleasantly surprised to discover it was very spiritual. I discovered why I felt I had to drive 37 miles to meet strangers when I discovered how alike I am to debbie - who runs the group, and hw much our similar outlooks meant to Clare who got quite emotional during the meeting. I ended up sitting comforting Clare, as Debbie spoke supported by myself and the other members of the group. I really hope I get a chance to go back there and meet Debbie again. But amazingly 'The Tower' got mentioned by one of the other members of the group - which had me very much in a wow mode.

When I got home I found Tony in very upbeat mood. He had answered an sos from Psychic Today and logged on in the afternoon. He had a few calls and spoke live to the studio.

The we had circle. For the first time Sallie, Amber (who changed her mind about coming at the last minute) and Marie were all there. We did a chakra meditation, during which I could feel the room crackling with energy) We discussed crystals (got some strange ideas) did soe psychometry with one very strange result in what Marie took as her object and the information Tony got, then we did some cards and The Tower came out AGAIN. Then at one pointAmber was mesmerised by the cystal ball on the table and said she could see what looked like a black and white photo of a dark haired man. Something made me think about the photo of Davis (Alan's brother) and when I showed Amber the photo her face was a picture.

Amber is a rare talent and I feel truly humbled that we are being given the chance to guide her development. And I have realised to be a teacher/enabler of of others is a truly amazing calling.

Then after circle Tony had a scheduled session on the webcam for 886 - and had at least 2 calls to my knowledge.

I could not sleep last night. I was so hyped up with the all the energy from circle and the amazing synchronicities in the day.

Today I am tired but still energised. I realise I forgot to take my thyroxine this morning - but I am wondering if my levels are a bit on the high side . Maybe my sleeplessness has a mundane cause as well. Maybe I forgot because I know my levels are high? I need to book an appointment with the doctor.

But that is for next week. For now all I can say is ....WOW

Day 10

I don't where the time has gone. Somehow I have been too busy to post - and I am aware of an element of frustration in certain areas. I am meeting Clare today and I know that will focus me mind wonderfully.

Living brilliantly

Well today is day 5 and I don't think i have slipped too badly.

I resolved my dilemma with the lady I mentioned in the previous post. After talking to her CPN I know more about her and her problems, AND that she is now back on medication. This lady originally wanted aromatherapy and I did find myself discussing with Jean how that would be a safer option. At the same time I also found myself thinking -' and that means someone else will deal with her' This was a FAR from brilliant response. So having spoken to the CPN we agreed that hypnotherapy wasn't suitable - especially as the problem she wanted me to deal with is part of her psychosis. However it was agreed reiki would be relaxing and safe. So next week I am giving her reiki.

Its amazing how much you become aware of when you consciously think 'is this being brilliant' I have deleted any number of posts intend for Locumvoice.

And almost as if I am being rewarded, I have a new reiki patient BOOKED, and another one in the offing. I am also giving the salon owner another HOME treatment on Tuesday. PLus I am helping her set up a website for the salon.
Plus I spotted on FB that Colin Fry is planning a large psychic weekend in the midlands next March. Seeing someone had asked 'do you need any crystal sellers' I popped up with 'Do you need any readers' and got told 'yes' so we may be part of a BIG psychic fair next year.

Tony had an amazing night last night. 7 calls in three and half hours - and one of them was over 30 minutes long. So HE is on a roll too.

Its amazing how this positivity just becomes infectious.

But I do wonder if I am challenging myself enough . I wonder if I have correctly identified what makes me 'brilliant' It is almost too easy.

I haven't had any meltdowns when I felt as if the world was against me.
I haven't dodged or delayed tasks I was worried about
I have done some work on my portfolio.

The one downside is TC our 17 year old cat. He has a sore on his leg that won't heal and keeps bleeding. I am wondering if we need to take action. The problem is their is no brilliant response to this - just pain whether we wait and see or decide that 17 years is a good life for a cat. Am I being un- brilliant in not being more decisive? No because it isn't just my decision to take. I made it clear to Tony what my concerns were. I need to talk to Steve as TC is technically his cat. But I am not anxious to tackle the issue with him I admit

A dilemma

I have a problem today at the hospice. Last week a lady was referred to me who has a history of psychosis and schizophrenia.I went to see her but felt I needed some input from her psychiatric team before I could actually treat her as she really wants hypnotherapy. She was supposed to give my number to her CPN. I have heard nothing. If the CPN hasn't contacted the hospice either, I have to find the brilliant response to this. Watch this space...........

If hypnotherapy is out, I have to decide whether reiki with the intention of 'the healing she needs' will be OK - as I am not sure if what she WANTS is actually safe for her

Day 1 of living at my brilliant best

I have tried to say nice things to people today to inspire them to be good. It felt good to say things via FB to people who would NOT expect me to say something like that. I hoped that by saying things like that they would raise their game a notch.

I aslo tried to 'inspire' someone who is deliberately combative on Locum Vice. I stayed calm and thought about the words of my post VERY carefully.

caring, compassion and listening haven't really been in the frame,

Thats what I have to improve me. So what have I done to promote Krystal Wolf ? Well I have struggled with technology today and got it set up so I can make a post on Krystal Wolf Holistic Care page - and it gets tweeted. AND when I tweet the posts appear on Krystal Wolf account AND Krystal Wolf Holistic Care page. And all without the aid of a teenager. We also went out and did what is our last leaflet drop! The remaining leaflets about the reiki at the salon can be issued via the salon or at psychic fairs (of which we have two coming up)

The walking to drop the leaflets took the place of the planned swimming/gym visit. MUCH more productive

ANd I have also found a local business networking group so all being well I will be going to a meeting on Friday morning at Tamworth. Not quite as local as I would LIKE - but its the only one I can find on a day when I can go. All the others are on Wednesdays when I am at the hospice.

Now for a drum roll................ are you ready????? I MEDITATED THIS MORNING. Not the most brilliant meditation I have ever done but I did it.

At the moment I feel I am going to BREEZE through the 14 days ............... but I may be wrong.

My 6 pack

Having read both The art of being Brilliant' and now 'Being Brilliant' I have decided I needed to give myself a refresher course in the things I think I know so well thanks to Paul McKenna. 'Change your life in Seven Days' will always remain the most influential book for me. Without the hypnotherapy CD I don;t think i would have made anything like the progress I did. But the Andy's have a fresh approach that is making me take a second look at myself. In particular I like the concept of the '6 pack' of qualities' that define you at your best. However I have no doubt it will be tough to define them - and then live up to them for 14 consecutive days.

And as I think about what I feel defines me I realise I am not the same person I was post September 2007 when I was 'McKenna'd' I have moved on - so maybe this is the perfect time for me revisit these ideas....especially as I am now deliberately cutting back on my pharmacy work - to pursue my dream. But can I turn that dream into a HUGG? Maybe I haven't made much progress because I haven't been thinking big enough!


OK so what 6 qualities do I feel define me at my most brilliant best?

My first choice surprises me - but after a day spent helping friend of mine she used the same word a number of times 'inspiring' And I have realised inspiring people is exactly what I want to do

Second has got to be 'caring'

Third is 'calm' I don;t do anything well when I am not calm. And as a therapist I need to be calm and soothing to best help my clients.

Gosh this is harder than I thought. Last night I was creating a list in my head and I had 6- but they were all predictable based on my post McKenna self.

Fourth is 'generous' generous with my time and my money

Fifth is 'compassionate'

Sixth is 'Intuitive' I really do work best when my intuition and empathy are at full volume. But taking that down to a more mundane level describing myself as a good listener probably describes it well enough. I need to listen AND hear well .

How do these relate to my reiki principles? Well not worrying and not getting angry ensure I am calm. Having respect for others ensures I listen well to them. Honesty and hard work? I am honest but I don;t think honesty defines me at my best. It is just ingrained into me. And being compassionate obviously fits.

So these qualities do not conflict with my reiki principles - which I didn't think they would.Maybe this shows how deeply the reiki principles have become ingrained?

OK so now I just need to live by those qualities for 14 consecutive days. Watch this space

I made a breakthrough of a sort with food today. I went out for lunch with my friend - who has a much bigger weight problem than me. We were discussing various approaches to slimming including the McKenna approach. And somehow talking about them I managed to put it into action. I couldn't finish my baked potato!! And something I don't know what got me to eat raw tomato - something I haven't done voluntarily since I was a child.

I haven't done any significant exercise for a few days - but with a busted wii fit board the only wii fit exercise I could do is jogging - and in this heat that is NOT an option. I will go swimming or the gym tomorrow.

So what have I done today that relates directly to Krystal Wolf? Well I created a Facebook page for us - and having got 30 likes we then rolled a dice and gave that person a free reading. i did that reading today. I have also done some posts ON that page - and on a new page Paula has created for the salon. And she was kind enough to endorse my reiki .

One thing I am STILl not doing is regular meditation - and I am not even doing my reiki principles . I really MUST make progress on that.

So to finish for the next 14 days I need to be an inspiring caring calm generous compassionate listener...phew.

HUGG's

I intend to set myself a Huge Unbelievably Great Goal. Watch this space

I have just read an amzing book called 'The art of Being Brilliant' If you want a simple, funny and understandable self improvment book - ths is it. Check out their website 'The art of brilliance

Getting used to my new life

I gave up my three days a week at the orthopaedic hospital a couple of weeks ago. The first week I had no pharmacy work I spent the first two days recovering from Beer and Pretzels. Driving 140 miles in a weekend is tiring. So today is actually the first day I have had with no specific work at all and no appointments of any sort. The world is my oyster - and I am NOT going to waste it.

There is work to do on my portfolio.
I need to study crystals because we have agreed I will talk about crystals at next weeks circle.
The back lawn needs mowing
There is housework to be done
I still have 500 leaflets to deliver.
I would LIKE to go swimming on use the gym today.

One of my big concerns is that now I am not working at the hospital as regularly I am not going to get as much exercise and I will put weight on. I am determined NOT to do that. But I need a new strategy slimming. Sadly my guru Paul McKenna's system doesn't seem to work with me . OR is it because I am not actually sticking to his system? Now I am home more I have a chance to actually put his rules into action?

Now that is something to meditate about..... and meditation is something else I need to put firmly on my agenda.If I am to have the life I want, I need to grow spiritually as well as shrink physically. That has given me the most bizarre image in my head!!

I find I am looking forward with pleasant anticipation to all the tasks on my to do list even the mundane ones because my vision for my future life includes a much more organised house.

And for the first time it is starting to sink in that I have time to really achieve all these things.

So where does weight loss fit into my plans?

WEight loss fits in in two ways.

1) I want to get to grips with my wn weight issues.

2) I want to help people who have weight issues. As a start I run a Face book slimming support group called. Imagine yourself slimmer and healthier

Like some of our other ventures this brings in small amounts of money . the group itself is free, but I have sold a few personalised hypnotherapy CD's for 5.00 each.

I give them NLP hints and tips for how to change how they feel and act, try to encourage them to adopt a sensible approach to their problems- making lifestyle changes rather than meal replacements, or counting calories. And I encourage them NOT to weigh in every week.

I also promote the idea that being thin is NOT the same as being healthy.


I have had good feedback from those who have bought the CD's off me. One of my plans is to become more professional in my CD production and sell them through KrystalWolf Holistic Care

What life am I trying to build?

As I sit here today I am designing my future life. My thoughts and actions today will build my future. So I need to be clear about what I want in my life.

The first thing I want to talk about is Krystal Wolf Holistic Care
Krystal Wolf is me and Tony, doing our best to help people when they are in trouble, helping people realise their full potential. But we are not marketing it very well yet. But today I was out pushing leaflets about my reiki and our business card through letterboxes when one woman ran out of her house waving them at me saying 'Is this you" Coincidentally she had been wondering if there was a medium.reader in the area. We agreed there was no such thing as co-incidnece.

At the moment I see the readings as being more Tony's side, while I do reiki and hypnotherapy. I am starting slowly to get clients for hypnotherapy but the reiki is slow going. I work out of a local salon on Thursdays and so far my only client is the salon owner - who has become a real fan of reiki.

I do do readings as well - and I know I am good at them,. So I have taken a deep breath and applied to Psychic Today. Tony works for them a reader already.

I have never seen myself as a reader - but I am beginning to feel that is my best way to help people.

Another thing Krystal Wolf do is spiritual development and Thursday evenings we run a small development circle. This is a new venture for us.

At times I get depressed that things are moving so slowly but we are taking some money - in 5 and 10 pound amounts. Things are moving int he right direction and I am going to kepe on pushing it

Krystal Wolf is a huge part of the future I am trying to build

New title new focus new life

I am a very different person to one who started this blog under a different title 4 years ago. I was an unhappy pharmacist working full time, coping with major problems in life, struggling with her weight.

Four years on I am much happier, I still work as a pharmacist but I am retired so only work part time. I am also a reiki practitioner , a hypnotherapist, and a psychic reader. I am now married to my partner of 18 years. I still struggle with my weight.

This blog is about helping me focus on bringing about desired changes in my life. And what I want is to build Krystal Wolf Holistic care into a thriving business for both Tony and I, I want to develop myself to my fullest potential psychically, spiritually,and mentally. I want to lose the armour of fat that I have been hiding behind for too many years.

You get more of what you focus on. This blog was concentrating on me be reactive. Now I am being pro-active

Its been a strange but interesting week. I have been quite busy despite not going to the hospital. I have been swimming and to the gym. I have been to the hospice. I have delivered some leaflets, I have given some reiki for which I have been paid. I have led a psychic development circle, I have dismantled Steves old bed and it is now in the garden waiting to go to the tip, and I have been given a FREE place on a CPD course running tomorrow at the hypnotherapy college. Nick contacted me out of the blue. I also have a possibility of a life coaching client. In some ways I have done nothing. In others I feel as I haven't stopped. This not working regularly lark is going to take some getting used to

Unexpected move

I joined the gym at Northfield yesterday. I had been planning to join a gym in Harborne - but I decided to ask if I could use my leisure card to access the gym for free and I can. So Margaret is ALSO going to join. I had my induction yesterday - and I stayed on for a bit using the treadmill and a bike, I now ache as I also swam for 30 minutes yesterday. Oh well.......... I may just pop in at the gym on the way back from the hospice today........ I have t patients booked today . I hope i get to treat them both. I still feel a bit adrift with the no work routine. But each day I have done something positive for the business although as yet no leaflets delivered. The weather was too bad yesterday. but it looks better today so maybe I will do that this afternoon and get my exercise that way. Next step must be to design more leaflets for our services I am heartened that my card pick today was healing energy work.

What a surpise

Yesterday I ut on my FB status that I had slots for 5 readings ,made it clear I was going to charge, and got two takers. Only 10.00 but I earned some money yesterday Yay. I also have been given permission to promote my Life coaching on Locum Voice. So this morning I have composed that post and I will have to wait and see if I get any takers for that. The admin gave me permission to post it and I know normally advertising isn't allowed. So I have done something yesterday and today to promote myself in no-pharmacy roles. I am pleased with myself. So my tabula rasa for today - I want to get at least one response from LV. I am going to go swimming with Margaret and I want to think as resourcefully today during swimming as I did yesterday. I swam nonstop for 30 minutes and did some very helpful thinking. I am going to meditate properly today with a candle and incense etc. I am going to do deliver some leaflets this afternoon I am no longer a pharmacist I am a holistic therapist

Today I am excited....

nervous - but excited . Today is the first day of the first week of my new situation - with no regular pharmacy work. I have posted in IYSAH. I have posted todays tarot card in KWHC. I have collected a parcel from Selly Oak, I have bought a 10kg bag of dry cat food as I was in the car and near the shop even though we don't need any yet, and I went swimming. Now when I say I went swimming I don;t mean I was in the water for 30 minutes but only moving for about 20. I was swimming for 30 minutes - and thinking very resourcefully. I found myself planning all sorts of work related things (by work I mean non pharmacy work) And I also found myself thinking about a quote form Michelangelo. the one about chipping away marble to reveal the angel hidden inside. With every stroke I swam I found myself thinking that each stroke was another chip at the excess fat I carry. I hope I can find a way to share these thoughts with IYSAH without sounding unbearably priggish and smug. I will try. So what is on my 'tabula rasa' for today? I am going to start writing up my Life coaching case for my portfolio. I am going to advertise my availability to give readings on KWHC This evening I am going to contact a pharmacist who has a real crisis to see if I can help him in some way. This may end up being paid or it may not. But it is a chance to use my skills to help a fellow professional - something I really want to do. I may go and deliver some leaflets/cards this afternoon - but I do ache rather a lot from the swimmming so that may not be the wisest idea

I didn't make yesterday a biscuit free zone , and I walked away from ROH without any dates booked although they did TRY to get me for Wednesday and Thursday next week - I will have to see what happens. So this morning I sit here feeling very IBS'y, rather tired - but looking forward to the rest of the week. And if I am honest very glad I am NOT at ROH on Monday because after the hospice today, the salon tomorrow, Little Aston on Friday, and Beer and Pretzels in Burton at the weekend I think Monday will be glad to just go blrghhhh. I have instituted a new thing on our FB page. I do a daily tarot pick and talk about the card. So far its been amazing how often the card applies to me. Todays was 'Death' which means the death of the old life - and the start of the new one. On the day after I finished my 3 days a week regular stint at ROH it feels VERY apt. Tony had an exciting development too. The TV channel want him to do readings liv eon the telephone!!! He doesn't know when yet - but it shows they have faith in him. And he is VERY pleased. So tuning in this morning I feel tired, I am aware of my lower abdomen - and it is IBS not IC I am sure. I feel hungry - but don't know what I want to eat. I am feeling positive - but nervous - and looking forward to meeting an internet contact Richard who wants to try and get into hospital pharmacy. He may also be interested in complementary therapy so as he lives in Brum I may just have a client at some point. So what do I want for today? I must get Paula's CD done!! I want at least one patient at the hospice, I want Richard to consider using my non pharmacy services.

I listend to a Paul McKenna track this morning - first time in months I have done that. I was awake and couldn't put the radio on cos Tony was with me (something that has happened a LOT more lately :-) ) My iPod was to hand - which it normally wouldn't have been - so I took the opportunity. I didn't go deep into trance - but I realised listening to that was a brilliant start to the day. Got me thinking positively. I am nervous about today. Will I walk away from ROH today with no dates booked? If I do its because that is meant to happen. Things are moving for KW. Tony has been paid for a rune stone reading. I am getting feedback on the website for readings , so even if I am not getting PAID much at the moment things are moving in the right direction. And if listening to 'I can make you thin' helps me get that moving in the right direction too - well its a win win situation. Positive thinking and slimming in one. The life coach needs some life coaching at times - I freely admit it. So what am I writing on the Tabula rasa for today? I want at least one day booked at ROH. I want a biscuit free day. I want a booking for a reading, reiki or hypnotherapy by the end of this week - so I need to do something today to increase the chances of that happening. I will drink LOTS of water today, I will eat slowly.

Bank holiday

Its a bank holiday so of course its been wet, cold and miserable. But we did manage to get some gardening done yesterday - which was VERY good exercise. I am still nervous about NOT having the regular income stream from ROH. I am anxious about my accounts (2009/10 are still not finished and 2010/11 haven't been started) I still have 2 outstanding hypnotherapy CD's to sort out, and ..........well you can tell I am not feeling in top form this morning. Plus meditation is still a distant goal that I haven't achieved. I always seem to put off doing it. Why? I am the worlds procrastinator which is probably the source of most if not all of my problems....except I didn't procrastinate when I found the lump in my neck - despite my fears. Why? I didn't really believe it would be anything nasty and I was seeking re-assurance. I put off things I fear will not go well because I am worried the failure is down to a deficiency in me. So I don't try to meditate because I am scared I will fail. But who will know? OK deep breath - this blog entry is not going they way I thought it would. Its a kind of automatic writing that I know will help me learn something. be honest I am really scared at the moment. What am I going to do if I don't get ANY more work from ROH and have to rely JUST on Little Aston? Well thats the point. I need to get up of my backside and start peddling my other services. I need to BELIEVE in my other skills and SHOUT ABOUT THEM!! THAYS why I need to meditate - to visualise my future to send the right signals out the universe that I am really serious about my reiki and hypnotherapy - and the readings as well. It odesn't matter how well or badly I do - if I practice I will get better. OK how am I feeling NOW? MUCH more energised and positive. I have just posted on IYSAH about the power of our imaginations. Now I know why I did. I needed to remember that as well. OK what am I going to write on my 'tabula rasa' today? Bath. meditate,find Anne's track on my DVR and re-record it, plan Paula's track relax, cook,eat, have a good evening roleplaying. I wasn't hungry when I started this entry - I am now almost as if aving decided what I need to do my body is asking me to fuel up for the day.

Well today will be crunch day at work. Maureen has to talk to me today if they want me to be in on Tuesday. I have been so heartened by the compliments from other pharmacists about my abilities tho. I am really hoping Maureen will still want me one day a week. But if she doesn't .......well two expressions of interest in my reiki, and unsolicited reading request and new people joining our development circle all seem to be indicators that the other side of my work is going to increase. I had a great reiki session with Paula yesterday. I even said that she was so much better we could be coming to the end of her treatment - but she wants to keep on with one session a week. So she clearly feels the money is worth it. Which is good. I am already mentally planning circle next week when we will have at least one new member and maybe 3. One thing is sure. I NEED TO GET MEDITATION BACK IN MY SCHEDULE. I am at the end of my 2 week exclusion diet for IC. Although to be fair I have tired one or two things. I think caffeine and yoghurt are triggers. But I am anxious to try some citrus fruit again and will do so over the weekend. I had curry last night with no ill effects so I guess that is ok. I am still eating too many biscuits tho. I really REALLY need to work on that. At least I am staying still and not gaining. I am losing slowly judging by my clothes. Or maybe I am just kidding myself. But I feel OK I am happy about how I look, and until I get any worrying health figures I feel I don't need to do much different.

I sit here this morning a bit sleepy but feeling pretty good in myself. No pain or discomfort anywhere and I am mentally planning to go shopping and have a quick free swim before I head to the salon. OK it means I will be using the car but I need to do the shopping and I need to transport the leaflets and cards up to the salon anyway - and they are quite heavy. So that feels like a plan to me. Since I need to go further afield now I may even use the car to get to where I am delivering. But I need to get a move on if I am going to do that. Meditation has taken a back seat again tho. WHY do I find it so hard to formally meditate? I know this is a form of meditation but.......... I am disappointed in myself if I am honest. I can't let todays entry go without mentioning the local elections. Stev is standing as the Lib dem candidate in our ward and I am SO proud of him

There was no storm at work. Maureen has read my email Other staff - and indeed other pharmacists I have worked with have all been telling me the same thing. I am one of the best pharmacists they have worked with. Which is very gratifying - but still doesn't make that department any safer or the strain on me any less. Indeed it is because I AM a good pharmacist that I recognise the inherent lack of safety in the systems and why I am finding the work such a strain. I await results with baited breath. I am optimistic I will still have work there- maybe even a day a week - which would keep me ticking over nicely. Today I am at the hospice - and looking forward to a nice quiet relaxing day. I will be quite happy if I only have the one patient.

Yesterday I emailed Emmeline Maureen and Pam to tell them politely but firmly I no longer wish to work a regular 3 days a week for them. I have said I am happy to do emergency and ad hoc cover. I emailed them because Emmeline and Maureen were not there. Pam was but I decided officially I needed to let Maureen and Emmeline know first hence the email but I cc'd it to Pam. No doubt there will be some discussion about it today. I have decided they cannot do much to me apart from fire me from the bank . I don't think they will but if they do it really is their loss not mine. I will have time to do my portfolio, push cards and leaflets through doors to advertise Krystal Wolf and make a real effort to get myself out of pharmacy and into spiritual work. I will still have pharmacy work because I will have Little aston - which pays better anyway. I am nervous - but I know if I don't really commit I won't get anywhere. I am also nervous about what today may bring in terms of a tirade by Pam but again she can't do anything I am not contracted to any hours. Ina worse case scenario I just walk and it would actually give me a great deal of pleasure to do that in some ways - but that is NOT living to the reiki principles. In a best case I will end up with a regular 1 day a week there - and I think they have problems with Saturdays so I may do a few of those for them as well. So what do I want from today? I want them to understand just how crap their systems are and and how they are mistreating some good people. Avril and Kerryn know what I am doing and they both understand. I think they are jealous they don't have the same freedom I do. I had a small flare up of IC yesterday and my IBS seems to be veering towards constipation again - but that could be due to the reduction in the amount of fruit I am eating. The flare up could be due to the alcohol I had the night before - but could also be due to stress. I tried chocolate yesterday . Its a case of so far so good. I think coffee is my main trigger. I think I will have to try drinking mainly coffee again for one day and see what happens. The trousers I was wearing yesterday are lose and feel longer in the leg than they used to. I reckon that is a good sign :-)

A major dilemma

I had a flare up of my IC on Friday. It could have been caused by the yoghurt I had for lunch but work was rather stressful . The stress got yanked up several notches when Emmeline had a word with me about my error rate at Maureen's request. I let an error go out earlier in the week. It got caught by the nurse before the TTO was given to the patient and the doctors prescribing was a factor BUT it shouldn't have happened. However in my whole career no-one had EVER put me in the position where I feel as if my error rate is worse than anyone else's. At the end of the day I am human. As the talk eded with the warning that they are advertising for a band 7 bank pharmacist so my services may not be required there much longer I feel rather bruised and battered. I also don't think they have any idea whether or not my error rate IS worse than anyone else's so I don't feel I have been treated with respect. But then that is the management style there My problem is am I safe to work in that environment? Is it time to walk? The systems there are not good and there is a high level of stress involved with the job. Could I cope with just the work from Little Aston? Who incidentally contacted me on Friday to book me for another day. I have said says thinking it was a Saturday - but it is a Friday and I now have to tell ROH I can't do that day for them. I have the perfect excuse since they are hinting they want me to go anyway. What upsets me about all this is the attack on my self esteem and confidence. I vented big time on LV and got as gratifying amount of support. But I still need to decide whether I walk now or wait and see what happens. Actually its a case of whether I MUST walk now because I am not safe or whether I am still safe and its just their over bearing management style. The conspiracy theorists would say I am too expensive at my grade. It is a coincidence I have been told they are seek a band 7 bank just after they have had to pay me for 70 hours annual leave/ bank holiday pay....... So what do Ido? Part of me is thinking if I give up the hospital I will be able to focus on building up my client list for reiki and readings - maybe even hypnotherapy. It just seems strange this has happened just as I am gaining confidence in my reading/mediumship ability AND when my other pharmacy client suddenly asks me for an extra day at short notice - and in so doing re-enforces my confidence in my professional ability. If the work at the orthopaedic is drying up I need to start NOW to look for alternatives. Is cultivating Little Aston and putting more effort into my spiritual work what I am meant to do. This the the blog as a meditation tool coming into play. I know I COULD manage on my pension.....just. And Tony now earns some money. Interestingly he ALSO has been having hassle with HIS work and was thinking of walking. And he also has some kind of new opportunity being given to him tomorrow. Is there some sign in the timings of our dilemmas? Is my desire to go int tomorrow and tell them I am walking just a desire for revenge? OK lets apply the reiki principles Do not worry - that could mean I don;t have to worry about money Do not get angry . The hospital does strain that. the whole set up makes me angry. And I have said often enough I would walk if they ever became registered because I could not sign on as RP. How many times have I said I can only cope there because I DO have the option to walk. Be honest and hard working. Well I can't really be honest at the hospital about how I feel. And I AM hard working but they don't appreciate me. Be humble and respectful. I need to respect the way THEY work. it is THEIR choice . Am I being disrespectful Be compassionate to yourself and others. Well being compassionate to myself means i walk. being compassionate to others means I stay . BUT con a be truly compassionate to others if I am being UNcompassionate to myself. You get more of what you focus on. I have been focussing on working as a pharmacist. Maybe it is time to focus on working as a reader?

One more sleep till the ghost hunt

I am feeling really really positive today - tired but positive. I did some readings yesterday and got some great feedback. Circle went well My food and drink intake was good I did a lot of walking yesterday - and hour of leafletting and then 30 minutes on the wii fit So what do I want from today? A smooth day at work, I am using the car as I want to go shopping straight after so I can relax tomorrow before the ghost hunt. A relaxed and peaceful evening with Tony. Me e easily making healthy food and drink choices. I can see it all happening just as I want it to. I want to try and fit in some self healing before I go to work. I haven't done nearly as much of that as I should. No lets re-phrase that I WILL fit in some self healing but I will have to get a move on as I have less than an hour. I will be SO glad when the 9.00 am starts are over!

Eating and drinking what you REALLY want

I have realised something these past few days. Apart form the one evening when I really fancied coffee - so I had one- I haven't missed coffee. Not being a caffeine addict I haven't had any withdrawal symptoms. I look forward to my morning cup of red-bush. Stirring it with a vanilla pod is a mini L'Oreal moment. I clearly need to apply Paul's advice about food to my drinks as well So this morning I am feeling positive. yesterday was a good day. I ate and drank healthily on the whole, I moved my body, and I felt healthy. Today is salon day and I am looking forward to a good one. paula has blanked out her treatment time for 10.00 . When I have treated her if the weather holds I will do some more leafletting. We have circle this evening so I will be doing some meditation later. I haven't been finding time to meditate - I haven't adjusted to the 9.00 start at ROH. But I WILL improve on that. So what can I apply the reiki principles to today? I am worried about TC - I need to put that worry out to the universe. What will happen will happen I got angry yesterday with Skoda who yet again didn't turn up when they expected. BUT I found their website and complained. I didn't really get angry - I took action. Today I can imagine myself getting angry if my spiritual exercises don;t go brilliantly. I MUST NOT DO THAT> I need to recognise it takes practice. Today I need to work hard on my meditation BEFORE I got to the salon. And I need to work hard delivering leaflets and cards I need to be grateful my IC issue has been solved so easily. I wore tights yesterday, I am in my pj's again this morning. And I have NO DISCOMFORT. I need to have compassion for me before I can have compassion for anyone else. Do I need to be compassionate to TC. Is it time? That is I want today to be positive. I want to have delivered at least 100 more leaflets and cards by the end of the day.

I realised that the calmness at work may depend on me. If I get irate about something it sends the wrong signals out. Yesterday I stayed calm. But it did help that Pam wasn't there. I really worry about what may happen when she comes back. Ah ...but I mustn't worry must I? First reiki principle. Wow what a reminder. So what do I want for today? And how am I getting on with my goals for the week? After that reminder I need to incorporate the reiki symbols and principles into my life? Now there is a thought. I have just had a picture of the department with a huge CKR in it. Ok..... something is nudging my brain. I need to get my talk done for tomorrow - even though I have a feeling it may not take place. But I don;t think that is me getting a signal; i think that is me being me and thinking negative. Apart from that I want the same as yesterday. To be fair I was tired when I got home, and had to dash out to get a sonic rodent repellent. Having had 3 dead mice in 2 days a 4th live mouse appeared just after I got home - and all the cats wanted to do was play with it. However finally it was cornered and killed by them. But we are worried there is a nest somewhere ....o joy. Anyway all that dashing about took time and left me very tired - so I didn't achieve much last night except to watch tv I was late up this morning so this is a close as I am going to get to meditation before I go to work. This 9.00 start is being quite disruptive. But food wise yesterday went well. The IC exclusion diet continues - and I feel wonderful. I am learning to really like Red-bush tea - and I am not really missing coffee yet - but then I haven't smelt any coffee really. I am going to meet someone in a cafe on saturday....so that may be a tester. Because chocolate is a trigger and we only have chocolate biscuits I haven't snacked. And to be honest I suspect some of my snack favourites may be triggers. Hopefully this will get me back on the slimming tack as well as dealing with my IC.

Back to my tabula rasa

I saw H last night and he asked me how meditation was going. Of course it isn't so that is something I MUST address starting NOW. What do I want for today? What signals do I want the universe to pick up and act on from me. I want to be pain free - but I am working on that - and today I feel good. I want work to be calm - but I am not expecting it to be - and that is bad. BUT I can MAKE it calmer by staying calm myself. I can help calm things by my approach. And that is clearly what I need to do I want to be able to look back at the end of the day and see I have made real progress in something - and what popped into my head was my portfolio. I want to look back at the end of the day and be happy with my food and drink choices, and the amount of exercise I have done. I am going to use the meditation room before I go to work. I am feeling good this morning - focussed and determined. My food choices yesterday were largely determined by what I feel safe eating in view of my IC - but I get the munchies during the game last night. However the muncging was MUCH reduced. I used the wii fit and went swimming yesterday. That should kick start my exercise programme. I am going to set goals for the week as well as for today. By the end of the week I want to be pain free from the IC, I want to have meditated properly at least 3 times, I want to feel confident about my abilities when we go to Hinckley on Saturday.

reality check

I am feeling very very sorry for myself as I contemplate the reality of living with the diagnosis of IC. The list of trigger foods reads like my favourite things. Coffee, team chocolate, spices, fruit, yoghurt.............. add in onions and tomatoes and that means a lot of my home cooking may have to be changed. I don;t eat a drink a lot of ANY of the possible trigger foods - except fruit - and coffee. Even the decaff version is a trigger for me I believe So I need to be tea coffee and caffeine free asap. I have a real problem in working out what I can drink apart from water. Anything acidic is out, so no fruit juices and I feel fruit teas are out until I have got on top of the flare up. I am going to give it two weeks with redbush tea as something hot, and the rest of the time just plain water. I will avoid all the foods on the trigger list So onions have gone on the dsilke list for Abel and Cole, and I will have milk on my cereal not yoghurt or fromage frais. I will cut out citrus fruit - so no oranges, But I will still have apples paers bananas and kiwi fruit. I will avoid curry. And hope at the end of two weeks I feel better so I can start re-introducing some of my favourite things . It is going to be a long two weeks.................

Light at the end of the tunnel?

Well what a strange day yesterday was. No reiki given, even to Paula, no customers through the salon yet(but some people still interested), and no leaflets delivered because IC was still making me feel blah. So I decided in the end to cancel circle. I wasn't in the mod to meditate or lead. BUT Marie never got the message and turned up. She wanted a reading tho and having just booked two tables for us at the Stratford psychic fair, I decided I needed to get my hand back in and do it. (I was by this time feeling better) The reading went well, and I posted on FB that I felt good about doing it. This prompted a response from a FB friend that she wondered why I didn't do readings................... and she and her eldest daughter are planning on having reiki and readings when Sallie gets some money through from the council. I have alo acquired two new decks of cards from Marie (her payment for the reading I gave her) One of the decks was Steven's whihc is why Marie no longer wants it. It is an angel deck that literally gives detials of the various angels and archangels. Tony did a random pick and got Rapjael. I did a random pick and got Michael. Wow. I slept with the other deck (angel tarot) under my pillow last night. All I had to do was TELL people what I like doing - and I got some business. I am confident Sallie will follow through on what she said. If I can get that into my advertising material...................... So what do I want for today? An easy day at work. I have to start at 9 for a few days. Something I could do without - but it will be OK. I am sitting hear looking forward to the walk through the park. And since Pam won't be there it should be a manageable day. A good ghost hunt tonight ...Tutbury Castle!!! It should be amazing. I am GOING to pick something up as a medium tonight. Make healthy food and drink choices. My lunch is already at work - and know I know about the IC drinking water is something I am even more motivated to do.

Things have a slipped a bit - and I now have a new issue to deal with. I have been diagnosed with interstitial cystitis - and discovered it is closely linked with IBS. The diagnosis was one I suggested 4 years back - but discarded when a course of antibiotics cleared my problem up. Also it seems IC is more common than I thought it was. So its down to lifestyle advice and diet. I have decided to try eliminating various known trigger foods. I am starting with caffeine - and yesterday I did feel better - a lot more comfortable. But last night after eating too many doritos, I was back to being uncomfortable again - but I am not sure if that was psychological because I felt guilty about eating too many doritos........... hmmmmmmm Anyway this morning doing a quick body scan I am aware of lower abdominal discomfort which is probably IC related but could also be IBS related. I feel fat there is no avoiding that this morning I feel REALLY fat - but strangely motivated to eat well today. Since on an instinctive level I feel drinking water will help alleviate my IC symptoms drinking water will not be a problem. I am buoyed up because we have a psychic Fayre to go to in Stratford- and the table money can come out of the money Tony has taken doing his readings well some of it anyway. OK what do I want for today. I want to give Paula a good reiki treatment. I want to have a booking from another client confirmed. I want circle to go well tonight and for me to find the right words to help Marie ..........if she NEEDS or WANTS my help So how am I doing with living the reiki principles? Well I didnt do well yesterday but what can I do TODAY I can stop worrying and start acting about things that trouble me. I have let procrastination win again. Am I angry about anything? I am cross at myself for letting things slip - but that is about all Today I will work had at promoting reiki. People don't know what it is -thats why I am not getting many clients I still feel humble that I have been called down this path. Being compassionate is my life goal in many ways - but I need to be nice to me as well - and that means being careful about the food I eat. Right I have come full circle - by accident? Well probably not but I didn't plan that - so it means I really DO need to focus on my diet and lifestyle. Message received and understood

Yesterday my heart lifted when I got into work - and was told one person was off all week. I know the place will be so much better without her!! We all do. I really wonder if I can continue to work there if she remains such a problem. Tony had an amazing day yesterday. 2 distance reading and four face to face readings in the evening. It is starting to happen for him because he believes in himself and really sees himself as a medium and reader. There is a major lesson for me there. Today I am heading to the doctors to try to get my IBS and bladder issues sorted out. I think I need to do that before I can make progress with any of my goals. Physician heal thyself. So today I want a positive consultation at the surgery, I want work to go smoothly - and I want at least one client for me distance reiki session this evening. Right universe there you are. I do believe all these are possible.

Today is the first day back in a more normal routine after easter - and I feel a bit adrift. I haven't een able to focus on writing anything for IYSAF. I feel very IBS ish this morning. I feel as if I am waiting for something to happen - but I have no idea what. I have wasted time this morning struggling with what to write on the groups page - and I suspect meditation will go by the board unless I rush. But I must get back into that. What do I want from today? I want work to be stress free - but I have a feeling it won't be. I MUST end that line of thought I am asking for trouble. I am definitely off my game this morning - and I need to get back on track

Writing the script for my life

I have had some rather frustrating days with a lot of travelling. I really enjoyed my days at Little Aston, the work was good and rewarding. I got some CPD done and recorded, and I actually felt quite energised by the time I got home on Saturday. The prospect of a ghost hunt, the trip to wolverhampton, work at the ROH, then a ghost hunt in Burton Friday evening doesn't bother me. I am not thinking 'I need to stop and rest' So something has energised me which is good. But the ghost hunt last night was less than successful for me. One of the new guests proved to be VERY sensitive and kept channeling. I did what I could to protect him - but things kicked off while I was doing protection for the group. Tony didn't go in the end, and I was worried about the journey back on those deserted roads in the dark so I left early - as did the new sensitive guest Oliver. He went home under the supervision of Sarah and Amy Trevitt because we were all worried about him being a bit spaced out then getting in the car. I was also worried about me being a spaced out because I felt things were on the verge of happening with me - but I blocked it out of fear. AARRGGHHH So if I am writing the script for my future on this tabula rasa what do I REALLY want? I want to be a better psychic/medium. I want to have confidence in the information I give to clients I want a better connection with spirit How interesting that I am not saying I want clients............I clearly need to improve those things before I can get more clients. Now there is an interesting thought.................. I haven't meditated much apart from the class on Thursday. I need to get back into that. I want to feel I meditate properly So why do I feel energised at the same time I feel frustration with my progress. Is it because all these things I am doing are helping my progress? Now there is an interesting thought

Keeping the momentum

I went to Christine angel meditation class last night. It was interesting p even though if I am honest I listen to what she says and I don't always agree with her. She challenges me to examine what I believe - and that can only be good. She is a master reiki practitioner, reader and hypnotherapist. Just like me except she is a master teacher too. I should feel more in tune with her than I do. Maybe if I was more like her I would be better. Now there is an interesting thought. I realised I haven't been using the meditation room - so haven't been doing my aura cleansing recently. And what of my reiki principles? Are they underpinning my life? Well I am trying. I think I need to use the symbols more in daily life. I noticed Christina CKR'd the water in the jug and glasses last night. So what do I want form my day today? I am at Little Aston - so I know the day will be reasonably paced. I want a day where I can see I have lived my reiki principles. Now why haven't I ever considered that before?

Procrastination

This s definitely my biggest fault. I delay doing chores, paying bills, reading emails I am worried may contain something I don't like, having conversations with people I know may be unpleasant,starting up with healthy habits like meditation ............... you name it and I can delay it. The biggest thing I am procrastinating on so far is my portfolio. I have some very negative thinking around it - as I realised yesterday talking to Clare. How does procrastination fall foul of the reiki principles? It causes me worry and frustration (anger) I don;t feel compassionate towards myself because I know I am being idiotic, I am being lazy and not honouring my hypnotherapy teacher. It violates all 5. But I need to have compassion for myself to develop more positive thinking about it................... So I need to embrace the principles to get over what is causing the negative thinking. Yesterday I wore another top this is feeling looser than it used to. This blank slate idea really does seem to be working. And treating my body well is a direct application of the reiki principles. Now there is an interesting idea to run with............. Today is my hospice day. yesterday I had an email saying that jean is gibing uo her role as complementary therapist co-ordinator. This may mean major changes in how the caseloads are sorted out - and I am wondering how things will work. I am also wondering if this gives me the chance to ask Jenny Brewer for a reference so I can apply to Freshwinds and volunteer closer to home........ But I must apply the reiki principles to this as well. So what do I want from today? I want to feel I have done my best for my patients and the hopsice - and that both appreciate what I do,

So how is it all going so far?

The Tabula Rasa idea seems to be working in some areas. The whole LOA seems to be working well in relation to Krystal Wolf. Tony is now getting PAID readings via FB, and we have had someone join our website after I revamped it. We have a new member for our development circle. And how is it all working with my weight issues? Not well because I have literally as I typed this realised I am still calling it a weight issue. I am focussing on NOT being fat. I am still focussed on being healthy tho.......I do know that. I did 30 minutes on the wii fit despite it breaking down 3 times so I had to keep starting again from scratch. I have absorbed the 'health at any size' idea - and I am not that unhappy with how I look. Something to think about. Today I am off to Stratford with Clare. I want a fun day, I want some antique shops, I want tea at Creaky cauldron, I want a cheap piece of Mousman to replace the ashtray we lost. I want a day of intuitive healthy eating

Website

I have spent today updating our website......updating prices and services etc , added some pictures............ and I have discovered it has a news section ..........which is in the form of BLOG!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok calm down take a deep breath. Could there be a better forum for me to help advertise us? And and an........I had to go out to do a bit of shopping and get petrol. While I was someone knocked on the door in response to our leaflet/card drop. She probably wants a reading and may want some reiki YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK calm down take ANOTHER deep breath. Its a long way from there to a regular clientele - but the leaflet drop HAS worked. So I am feeling good about myself today. I have been proactive and productive - despite not feeling too good. But today I must find some to meditate and do some spiritual work. I also had some good news from Marie - things have calmed down and she feels she and her partner have a new understanding about what SHE needs - so she is no longer tearful and desperate. But we will have a good chat on Thursday when I drive her home after the Angel meditation circle. I am even ging to put on the wii fit on when I finish this entry. Got to admit I snacked during the game last night - but do you know something? I don't care. I had fruit for breakfast - and some bread and cheese for lunch. I have drunk water. The week ahead is looking good ....I am on a roll!!

Learning from the failure of the plan

My post in IYSAF was all about learning why plans go wrong. That was in relation to slimming plans of course. But my plan for yesterday went wrong too. Why? Steve turned up for a chat before I could go out, so I was later going out than I thought. Then Marie contacted me very distressed because HER carefully crafted plan hadn't worked out - and she and her boyfriend had split up weeks before SHE wanted to. Then Tony spotted a ghost hunt happening at the old Whispering Witch (now Bibbity Bobbity Boo) under its new owner. We were invited - but Tony couldn't decide if he wanted to go or not. I lost the will to live over the whole issue and in the end pushed it towards NOT going (which was undoubtedly the most sensible decision due to time. money etc) then had to put up with Tony being REALLY grumpy because we HADN'T gone. All I can say is MEN!!!!!! Tony REALLY needs some help with his decision making strategies. But maybe I should be asking why decision making is so hard for him? So how did food and drink go yesterday? OK - apart from 4 chocolate biscuits. And I did use the wii fit for 30 minutes. On the plus side I did some readings - and I have booked an evening when I will be available to give distance healing - paid - through one of the psychic groups on FB. I have also advertised it on KWHC group. And I am doing my favourite 'Agony Aunt' role with both Margaret as she is supporting Dave at the hospice, and Marie as she copes with the disaster. So what do I want for today? Well I think a bath, then some readings to help me find the right words with Marie and Margaret. Some pendulum work and maybe some meditation? Maybe - I also want to spend some quality time with Tony if he wants. Then tonight it is Rpee time at Wolverhampton :-) But today IS going to include some chocolate - cos I bought Easter eggs yesterday. I can love myself enough to LET myself have some chocolate today - and enjoy it

Pausing for breath

Easter Saturday - as I was reminded by Thought for the Day on the radio this morning is devoid of church celebrations of any sort. The church is still is mourning for the events of Good Friday - and the pain needs to be felt or the message of hope that Easter Day brings is diluted. Its similar to the fact that all the times when my spiritual development seems to be stalled and I am just marking time make the 'wow' moments when those magical things happen even more magical. I have been told that those hard slog times are when we develop most. Maybe the same is true for trying to make lifestyle changes. The times when you struggle and seem to be making no progress are the times when we are laying the foundations for success further down the road. Yesterday I had no biscuits - I didn't want them and I used the wii fit for 30 minutes for the first time in 6 days. I have a goal that in 3 months I want my uniform tunics to be looser. So what do I want today to be? I want a relaxed day, a fun day. Oh I have chores to do - shopping laundry things like that - but that doesn't have to take too long and I can enjoy a relaxing day. I would like the chance to do some psychic work - healing or readings. In fact i have already done a one card reading this morning I want Tony to get some calls when he logs in today. I want a POSITIVE day - a day I can look back on with pride and satisfaction,

Good Friday

With my christian upbringing Good Friday is a day of memories and reflection. I remember going out to the bakers early in the morning to get the hot cross buns straight from the oven. It was a holiday - a solemn day when nobody (except the baker?) worked. No shops (except the bakers for a short time) would be open. But even in my childhood days I don't remember any great religious significance to the day. Was that just because when I was young we were not a religious family? My memories come from a time when my sister and I went to the local baptist sunday school simply because we could get there without crossing any roads. My parents were not religious then. But even then Easter was not the same sort of festival as Christmas - and as I have grown up the two have grown even further apart. But the message of re-birth still permeates the secular celebrations of Easter with the emphasis on Easter Eggs. I guess thats because the christians slotted their celebrations alongside the pagan one just as they did with Christmas! Why am I thinking about my spiritual roots? I am not sure its just seems apt. Its partly prompted by the fact that I have a hypnotherapy patient coming today. Julie is bringer her daughter over to see if I can help her. Do I feel I am betraying my heritage by working on the most solemn day in the christian year? Do I feel guilty that I have moved so far from my roots? Have I moved that far from my roots? I have already said I don't have significant memories of events on this dat from childhood. In fact I will be helping someone who I know desperately needs to find some re-birth from her problems. I guess with my new spiritual outlook from the past few years, I feel frustrated by the lack of spirituality in the world. I want to help people re-connect with their spiritual core - that many don;t even realise they have. I seem to be back to teaching again. Circle went well - we did pendulum work. But Marie said she no longer wishes to delve into her past, and was clearly disappointed that I wasn't brimming over with enthusiasm for The Secret. I have to accept that she will find her own path or find her path blocked to what she wants to achieve. I need to fins out what Marie has to teach ME. Food went well yesterday. And it is no coincidence that yesterday at the salon was a positive one. And I took chances offered to give distance reiki - once I was sure the people I was sending to were aware healing had been requested. Paula wasn't at the salon so I didn't give a hands on treatment. I spent over an hour walking delivering leaflets, I only ate half my lunch, I drank water and although I did have 2 biscuits I ONLY had 2 biscuits. Today feel like my tabula rase is not only for today but for a few months. Thats the rebirth aspect coming in . Psychologically it is a strong imperative. So for today I want a relaxing day. I want a good day with food. I want the confidence I will find the right words for my hypnotherapy. For the next few months I want some reiki clients as a result of the advertising I have done through the salon - and that is now a real possibility. I want Tony to have enough clients either face-to-face or via **^ for him to know he is doing well. And I want to drop a dress size so my uniforms at the hospice and the hospital become loose.

Making progress

Well yesterday went better than I anticipated. I gave 3 reiki treatments, and the patient I was worried wouldn't turn up did. I will also probably have a hypnotherapy patient tomorrow. I wasn't 'in trouble' at the hospice as I feared I might be. I need to remember I am a volunteer and they appreciate whatever I do on their behalf. Food went well also, and being a reiki day I drank water - lots of it. The only thing missing from my health regime at the moment is exercise. I am at the salon today so in theory will be getting exercise by delivering leaflets - but the weather looks naff. However I am determined to do some delivering today. And I will walk to the salon. Tonight we should have our circle with Marie - and Tony also has two clients for readings so today is very much a spirit worker day. I may even give some reiki as someone has asked for distance healing for her father. Provided she can confirm he knows about it I will send that later when I am up at the salon. Paula is away so she won't be having a treatment. But I need to be positive. I believe a new client may well walk in today and book a treatment from me. It will happen. Circle could be interesting as Marie and I debate the Law of Attraction. That will give me something to cogitate on during quiet moments today. I don;t need to worry about Marie's feelings - and I must not get angry because we have different views. I must respect her views. She holds them for a reason - and it is HER path to find her way along. She has something to learn from all this I am sure- but then maybe so do I? I must be honest about my views - but I do have a ot of compassion for her. She has had such a rotten start in life and is working so hard to overcome it. Am I jealous because I think she is more talented than me? I have a feeling I feel slightly superior because she gives the impression of being not the sharpest knife in the drawer - and has some rather childlike views. I really do feel she needs some maturity. I really do seem to be building the reiki principles into my daily life. Not getting angry and not worrying are the hardest - but I am getting there. And once I am living the life I want, I believe my health will improve in every aspect. I will find it easy to eat and exercise healthily so I slim down without too much effort. It shouldn't be an effort - I know that. I have sudden;y realised that I really DO believe that very strongly. It should be something that I do naturally and without thought. Wow - this suddenly feels like a bit of a breakthrough........

It worked

Yesterday went much better than Monday. Work was much better, I didn't nibble at snacks but was satisfied with the other half of my lunch form Monday. I made a DPD entry, I did some self healing when I came home - and to put the icing on the cake Tony has two private clients for readings on Thursday evening. Woohoo. So what do I want write on the blank slate that is today. Well I am going to the hospice. They rang while I was self healing (I didn't hear the phone go so I must have been deep) and Tony told them I was going so obviously I am meant to go - and that means I will be doing something useful. There will be no nibbles and the lunch is always healthy there so that is the start of a healthy eating day - although as I type this I am eating the waffles I have just toasted for breakfast. But I really fancies something crispy - and with no fromage frais in the fridge, cereal would be rather soggy. memo to self - get some fromage frais. I need to show respect today for the hospice and its rules - which do irk me a lot. Jean is a lovely lady - but is asked to do too much for the complementary therapy side of things. She needs support. But then I need to support her by remembering how hard she does work. I know she sometimes takes my comments as being critical of her - and I must remember that. Engage brain before operating mouth. So I must not worry about what will happen today and mustn't get angry about the way the hospice works. I must be hard working with my patients, and have compassion for them. But I must also have compassion on me and not let myself become over committed. I always feel humble and grateful that I have been led to reiki and can help these patients so directly. I need to respect my place in the hospice team - and be supportive of the other members. I am still uncomfortable about what may happen today. But is that a real feeling that I need to act on - or just me being negative? being negative doesn't help. Today what I write the slate that is Marie Curie will define what goes on future slates. I need some positive thinking and visualisation. I am coming to realise that living the reiki principles is rather like clinical governance. It isn't something you do, it is something that is built in. I remain convinced that building them in will enable me to live the life I am meant to lead - and that will include dealing with my weight issues.

Respect yourself and others

This was tough yesterday. One f the workers I have a real problem with pushed all my buttons yesterday. But I did my best to be the best pharmacist I could be. There is no doubt I feel this technician does not respect ME as a pharmacist. Yesterday one of the other pharmacist brought a load of nibbles in as it was her birthday. I nobbled - but then only ate half my lunch because I wasn't hungry - so that was good. Exercise was a bit thin on the ground as I used the car to get to work so I could go shopping straight after. But for some reason I am very stiff and tired today. I didn't wake till nearly 7 - and that is late for me. But my soul got some work yesterday. I found myself offering free readings to the first five of my FB friends who posted. And from the feedback they were all good. So what do I want from today? I am feeling rather yucky this morning, IBS in full swing again, tired and achey and I want a quiet day if I am honest. But that isn't an option. I want to try to improve the relationship with the technician who bugged me yesterday. If I am going to stay working at the hospital I need to do that or she will drive me insane. I need to respect her knowledge, experience and role in the department. I need to respect the fact that she really wants the best for the patients. But I also need to get across to her that she needs to respect me in return - which I feel she doesn't do. Talking to her is useless. I need to devise actions that show I respect her position. I want my food intake today to be much healthier than yesterday. I need to respect the signals my body is giving me. I need to do some self healing. I haven't done any for some time. I may be able to fit it in before I go to work. If not definitely when I get home. My readings were a sort of therapy. it was good to be doing spiritual work. I don't do enough of it. So why am I so reluctant to keep contact with the only place i have that lest me do regular light work - the hospice? I am already wondering if I will go tomorrow. I need to put some healing into that as well. How can I live the principles today? I can find a way to be honest with the technician about how she makes me feel I can try to stop getting angry about the management in the hospital and the department - about which I can do nothing and just work to the best of my ability I need to act on my CPD records for this year instead of worrying about them I need to be grateful for my health, for the fact that I can cope financially even tho the hospital seem to have forgotten to pay me. I can show compassion to all the staff and patients I come into contact with.

Mapping out the future?

I really like the Tabula rasa idea that came to me yesterday. I posted about it in my FB group and found myself advising them to put 'just for today' in front of the intention for their day to make it manageable. I almost put Don't worry about tomorrow. Is that part of what the reiki principle means? What I write today will change what I write tomorrow if I am truly growing. If all this is the Law or Attraction at work I love it. One thing leading me to an insight in another area, and the whole thing happening by chance as it seems. OK so what do I want for today? I am going to respect my body by giving it what it needs in terms of food and exercise. I am going to respect my fellow workers and be the best pharmacist I can be today I am going to respect my soul and recognise its needs. Do I need to give more detail? Why have I used the word 'respect' another word used in the principles? Am I moving closer to really understanding them? They are more than just nice words - they are very challenging and not to be taken lightly. OK take a deep breath. Ultimately what do I REALLY want to achieve? I want to be slimmer for purely aesthetic reasons because it will make me feel good about myself BUT also because if I am slimmer and healthier I feel I will have more credibility as a healer myself. I want to be healthy because I want to live a long and productive life, maybe see Steve get married and give me grandchildren. I want to develop my psychic/mediumship abilities because that will help me help the people who come to me for healing. Each day I need to do something that moves me closer to those goals. I do feel an innate understanding of the reiki principles - and living by them has got to be the starting point for my psychic development - whihc is what my soul needs I am sure. I need to be the best pharmacist I can be each day I am at work because that is how I keep my self respect at the moment. I am a pharmacist - but I won't always be working as a pharmacist. OK I am rambling now - but I do feel there is some message in these thoughts. Blogging is a very good form of meditation for me. OK I now need to respect my body by answering the signal it is giving me . I am hungry.

Tabula Rasa

We investigated Creaky Cauldron last night. It was a strange investigation culminating in Tony channelling a character called 'Maximus' while Tony was sitting in the chair of the absent guest. One of the things he came out with Tabula Rasa. 'Maximus' linked it with the Hell Fire Club (something we know is linked to Creaky. It may be there is a link to the HFC. But researching the phrase it means 'blank slate' , I have realised my life is' tabula rasa' on which I cab to draw what I really want to put the law of attraction into action. Tis gives me a different perspective on things. Each day I can draw what I want to make my life what I want. That is a truly empowering thought

Law of sttraction

Today one of the stories on the news is about the uSA lottery. One ticket has one over $500,000 . Wow what would I do with that sort of money. I used that story - and the fact that most people will start playing' what if' - to get my FB group to do visualisation . I was sneaky really. I started by asking them to play what if then asked them if they could see themselves accepting the cheque, how they looked......then got them to try and see how they had imagined themselves. I have been thinking a lot about the Law of Attraction over the past couple of days. Marie has lent me the CD all about it. I think she is hoping it will magically transform me!!! In fact what I have head so far is a more guru-ish cultist version of what I learned in CYLI7D and through my hypnotherapy training. I was rather reminded of the mantra of the satanist ;Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law' And that has a very dark aspect to it. I am sure the universe must impose limits. There is no doubt our thoughts are very powerful - and for that reason we need to be disciplined in our thought and think usefully and resourcefully. My resolution this year was to be the best me I can be. What does that mean? Can I tighten up on that and use it as a springboard to think more resourcefully about the areas of my life where I seem to be blocked. I think I am clear what I want, but maybe I need to focus more. I was cringing while I listened to Marie's CD - but it did get me thinking about how the Law of Attraction is supposed to work and whether I am using it as effectively as I could. This is life coaching 101 territory really. Reality is what we think it is. reality id what we experience through our senses and in our brains. How ww think affects how we feel and act. So how does this link in the first paragraph I wrote? Well for me what Marie doesn't get about the Law of Attraction is that is isn't just about wanting and believing. The want and belief need to be inline with our self image that reflects ones TRUE self. Changing self image is one of they key things to do with someone who wants to slim down - and I try to get them to do it with visualisation. Then they need to step into and EXPERIENCE it not just stand outside it. Tats the bit I don't think Marie gets. I wish I understood why Marie has been drawn into my life. It is the law of attraction in action . I suspect it is to teach me something - maybe HOW to teach??

Yesterday I walked........LOTS. Leafletting is very good exercise. And as it was a lovely warm and sunny day it was quite enjoyable. Food yesterday wasn't too bad - but I did hit the biscuits a bit. However I drank LOADS of water during circle. This morning I am aware of my IBS still - which is disappointing because last night it had gone. However last night my inflammation/cystitis issue was at full tilt - and this morning it seems to have gone. Wwll I guess you can't have it all. I have made my lunch for work - and I am wondering if we may have problems at work if some people have to come a long way and can't get fuel. Thats not a nice thought. This phoney fuel crisis is ridiculous. Tanker drivers MAY go on strike, so the PM suggest it might be an idea to make sure your car is topped up - in case. This ignores the fact that they have to give a weeks notice of the strike anyway. As of this morning the earliest the strike can happen is 11 days time. People have gone crazy. I am just glad I don't use the car much. But I do have to get to Stratford on Saturday night for the ghost hunt. If I had to I could manage without a car. It would be inconvenient - but not disastrous. Now 4 years ago I couldn't have said that because walking was still a major issue - and walking to and from work every day wasn't a realistic option. My life rally HAS changed a lot now I think about it. How much of that has been external forces and how much has been by my design? Now there is an interesting thought. Over the long term it has mainly been external forces - but I believe they have pushed me in the right direction . Over the short term the changes are much more directed by me and my actions. I am heating a healthy diet on the whole. I am getting much more regular exercise than I used to with swimming and walking. I am a very different person to who I was when I started this blog nearly 4 years ago. I started it originally to be a replacement for the 90 day diary that cam with I can make you thin. Now my life is in much better order than it was then, and now I am so much happier than I was then. Does this mean this blog needs to change its focus? Does this blog serve any purpose now? Maybe its time to close this one and start a new one................... something to think about.

Today is reiki day up at the salon - to be honest it will probably be a dat spent delivering leaflets - but that is at least good exercise. I am feeling better than I was yesterday. Tony and I went up to Northfield and ended up having a meal at Judy's cafe so I didn't have to cook last night. We had an enjoyable evening roleplaying with Paul. Tony has also got over his grumps. So this morning I still have IBS, I still have discomfort sitting but I am mentally and emotionally more bouyant. I need to do some self healing. I haven't done enough of that. I am also wondering why I am hesitating about stopping my volunteer work at the hospice. It is clearly too much for me. I am hesitating because I am not sure if the problems are real or imaginary. the tiredness comes from stress about what I think may be the situation, rather than from what the situation is. The system is poorly organised tho - and that always bugs me. I did hit a ow point yesterday - but I think that was due to physical issues - not helped by various emotional issues. But to be honest the emotional issues may well be more in my mind. Something for me to think about there. Since I may well have some quiet time at the salon that will give me something to do today as well as (or while ) delivering leaflets. I didn't respond to yesterdays problems with food tho. I did have a couple of biscuits - and the meal at the cafe wasn't exactly the healthiest (pie chips and vegetables followed by chocolate cheese cake) But I was eating when I was hungry, eating what I wanted and eating slowly. I didn;t leave any food on my plate tho. But I did move my body with the swimming and the walk But today I am determined to make positive progress. And Marie should be round tonight so we have a nice spiritual evening to look forward to........

A low point

As I type this I SHOULD be getting ready to give reiki at the pamper day at the hospice. But I feeling rather rough. I was fine until I went swimming and then suddenly I felt a bit down and my IBS seemed to be more of a problem and the thought of being at the hospice suddenly seemed too much to cope with. So instead of heading off to Solihull I headed home. I really didn't WANT to be at the hospice. I want to give reiki but for some reason today the procedures and processes at the hospice - and dealing with Jean just seem too much. Why am I feeling like this? Yesterday work went OK, but I did have a stressful end with a a rather heated discussion with a nurse from the Day Unit over their attempt to get round pharmacy procedures. I felt railroaded into giving in, largely because I wasn't entirely sure how management would react. I am never sure whether Maurenn will support her staff when they make a stand. Luckily when I told Pam what had happened she agreed that what they were trying to do was incorrect. Then this morning when Tony woke up he was down because he got no calls last night and was saying he didn't know what to do about working at the tv channel. Then when we were swimming Maggie and I ended up talking about Betty, Sheila, Tony;s past, his relationship with Sheila................... Plus the pool was full of school kids, and VERY noisy with quite a few adult swimmers all crowded into about 2/3 of the pool. Then there is Jane and her diagnosis of AF and the warfarin saga. It seems to have highlighted what I feel is the bad relationship I have with her. All in all I had a lot of issues rattling around in my brain that were pulling me down. OK doing a tune in I am very aware of my IBS, emotionally I feel down, I feel physically tired. I need to do some self healing. I have spent so much time and effort helping other people, that I have been forgetting about me. The water is heating for a bath as I type this. I did meditate this morning before I went out. I think I will have a self healing session and see if that helps. But I am sure I am right where I am meant to be at the moment. What I do have to work out is if the problems I feel I have with people are real - or all in my head

This morning I was very productive in the kitchen with my new routine of NOT sitting down with a coffee as soon as I have fed the cats. I have been doing this for some months now and it is totally automatic and I am SO much more productive in the mornings. (Yes honestly I have been even though my blogging on here wasn't that regular! But that is now also becoming more regular as a result of that very small change I made) It just goes to show how small changes CAN make a big difference. It gives me hpe that one day it will pay dividends in my silhouette!!! I know I have slimmed down. My bra size is smaller, and some clothes are looser. Its just at the moment I feel bloated because my IBS is still in full on phase. This is a bad attack - over a week. But the cystitis issue seems to have receded. Yesterday was a really good food day. No biscuits no sweets only a shared pack from the graze box. OK I did take a snack to bed - but it was a soft cereal bar filled with fruit. OK I didn't use the wii fit - but I did walk a lot during the day.And I still ache from my weekend efforts. On average I am up on my exercise over the past few days. Tuning in I am aware of my guts I am emotionally calm - and I am asking myself 'what can I do today to advance the business? I have sent Jessica a 'business' type text suggesting she join our FB group and follow us on twitter. So that means I need to keep both updated. We also need to get email addresses from our clients. Overall I am feeling incredibly positive - even though work at the Orthopaedic is driving me up the wall.

Planning a good day

This morning instead of listening to the radio when I woke up, I lay in silence and did visualisations. I visualised myself slimmer, and I visualised my day going well. And so far so good. I have posted on my FB group - and two people have read and liked my post. I have also recorded a CD for Chris. I am eating a healthy breakfast slowly (I have to say Friday's choking fit is encouraging me to chew my food more thoroughly) I have drunk water Tuning in I am aware of IBS discomfort, but I have taken Movicol. I am aware of discomfort and slight inflammation 'down there' - the problem that gives me a cystitis type feeling. I need to sort this out. I shouldn't feel like this. Thank goodness its warmer so skirts are on my clothes agenda rather than trousers. But really I should NOT be putting up with discomfort when sitting down or lying in bed. So physically could be better. Mentally I am alert of enthusiastic. Emotionally I am buoyant. Things are looking good for us and I feel we have some momentum we can build on. My lunch is crispbreads, pastrami and some salad, with an apple for afters. (I packed it for Friday but didn't eat it in the end) I haven't meditated but if I move NOW I have time to fit something in...................

Yesterday was a good day. I delivered leaflets with Tony, I mowed the lawn, I bought a new lawn mower with Steve which we are going to share between the two houses. And I didn't do ANY snacking!! I had breakfast - then went out. then I mowed the lawn, went out with Steve, tries to build the new lawn mower (Steve did it in the end) while having lunch of crusty bead and some smoked mackerel. Then I had a bath while Steve and Tony used the Xbox. Then we chatted and finally got the takeaway (chineese) whihc I ate with great enjoyment - but couldn't eat all of it. And I went o bed still feeling full and didn't take my normal snack of cheese and biscuits with me I have put on a top that used to be quite snug on me and tis loose. I haven't worn it and washed it a lot so it hasn't shrunk. This morning I have been swimming - and have agreed we will give the gym a go next time Margaret and I meet up. I have had a banana when I cam back from swimming, and a bowl of cereal a couple of hours later after doing some cooking. Home made soup to use up some old beetroot. So I have a couple of healthy lunches for work. I feel really motivated and upbeat - although I am tired and my body clock is all over the place with the start of BST. Tony has had some more requests for private readings - so even though 886 has been a bit quiet the last couple of times he logged on he is doing OK. I have no intention of using the wii fit - an hours swimming is enough exercise for today. But I ma hungry now as I type this so I will go and make myself something proper to eat rather than reach for the biscuit tin.

I have just posted in my FB group about the importance of visualising not only how you will look when you have reached your goal, but also visualising your day going well. My mentoring posts on FB and ym blogging on here are both important strategies in helping me do that. So lest ut it down in black and white. What will I look like when I reach my goal? Well I will be a size 16. OK at 5"2" thats still quite large - but I am big busted - and nothing is going to alter that. Do I have an image of how I will look? Yes. I see myself in jeans or trousers with real curves - but much smaller round the hips than I am now. So what about today? What is on my agenda. I need to go and pick up a parcel that wouldn't g through the letter box. It arrived while Tony was going his reading yesterday. I need to do some shopping - and I do need to deliver some leaflets. I am going to focus on exercising by going jobs today, That could be the leaflets or straining the new doors upstairs - but I think the leaflets are more urgent. I haven't had breakfast yet I am not really hungry - but I must eat before I go out. But I don;t know what I want. My IBS is still in play, I have had to resort to Movicol, and I feel fat and bloated - which tends to put me off food a bit. I have been drinking LOADS tho. I just can't decide what I really WANT to eat at the moment I know the meal tonight will be a takeaway to celebrate Steve's success. Probably pizza. But that is tonight and I will need to eat between breakfast and dinner. .........hmmmmm........ I reminded my group that failing to plan meant planning to fail. And I suggested the visualisations are a way of planning. I haven't been doing visualisations - just like I haven't been doing meditation on a regular basis. I need to take my own advice don't I!!

OK two posts in one day - this is not normal - but today hasn't been a normal day. I will draw a veil over the choking fit I had in the dispensary that needed Louise to do the Heimlich manoeuvre on me so I could breathe. And Anne's funeral was as moving as I expected it to be - but I held it together. The rest was all good - or do I mean great? I texted the client we tired to ring back yesterday - and she rang straight back - and she came down for a reading at 11. According to Tony it was really good - lots of details and really spot on. I had a hypnotherapy session aftre the funeral. It was one of the women in the pharmacy who wanted help with weight loss. The session went ok - but the amazing thing is since doing that session (which focussed on avoiding biscuits sweets and snacks) I haven't even WANTED to raid the biscuit tim, I ate my dinner slowly and still eel really full. But the piece de resistance is Steve got confirmation today he has the internship. he is over the moon and so are we. I also used the wii fit for the first time in 5 days and am thinking about going swimming tomorrow morning. Even the mustard and cress are growing ok!!!