Bank holiday

Its a bank holiday so of course its been wet, cold and miserable. But we did manage to get some gardening done yesterday - which was VERY good exercise. I am still nervous about NOT having the regular income stream from ROH. I am anxious about my accounts (2009/10 are still not finished and 2010/11 haven't been started) I still have 2 outstanding hypnotherapy CD's to sort out, and ..........well you can tell I am not feeling in top form this morning. Plus meditation is still a distant goal that I haven't achieved. I always seem to put off doing it. Why? I am the worlds procrastinator which is probably the source of most if not all of my problems....except I didn't procrastinate when I found the lump in my neck - despite my fears. Why? I didn't really believe it would be anything nasty and I was seeking re-assurance. I put off things I fear will not go well because I am worried the failure is down to a deficiency in me. So I don't try to meditate because I am scared I will fail. But who will know? OK deep breath - this blog entry is not going they way I thought it would. Its a kind of automatic writing that I know will help me learn something. be honest I am really scared at the moment. What am I going to do if I don't get ANY more work from ROH and have to rely JUST on Little Aston? Well thats the point. I need to get up of my backside and start peddling my other services. I need to BELIEVE in my other skills and SHOUT ABOUT THEM!! THAYS why I need to meditate - to visualise my future to send the right signals out the universe that I am really serious about my reiki and hypnotherapy - and the readings as well. It odesn't matter how well or badly I do - if I practice I will get better. OK how am I feeling NOW? MUCH more energised and positive. I have just posted on IYSAH about the power of our imaginations. Now I know why I did. I needed to remember that as well. OK what am I going to write on my 'tabula rasa' today? Bath. meditate,find Anne's track on my DVR and re-record it, plan Paula's track relax, cook,eat, have a good evening roleplaying. I wasn't hungry when I started this entry - I am now almost as if aving decided what I need to do my body is asking me to fuel up for the day.