A major dilemma

I had a flare up of my IC on Friday. It could have been caused by the yoghurt I had for lunch but work was rather stressful . The stress got yanked up several notches when Emmeline had a word with me about my error rate at Maureen's request. I let an error go out earlier in the week. It got caught by the nurse before the TTO was given to the patient and the doctors prescribing was a factor BUT it shouldn't have happened. However in my whole career no-one had EVER put me in the position where I feel as if my error rate is worse than anyone else's. At the end of the day I am human. As the talk eded with the warning that they are advertising for a band 7 bank pharmacist so my services may not be required there much longer I feel rather bruised and battered. I also don't think they have any idea whether or not my error rate IS worse than anyone else's so I don't feel I have been treated with respect. But then that is the management style there My problem is am I safe to work in that environment? Is it time to walk? The systems there are not good and there is a high level of stress involved with the job. Could I cope with just the work from Little Aston? Who incidentally contacted me on Friday to book me for another day. I have said says thinking it was a Saturday - but it is a Friday and I now have to tell ROH I can't do that day for them. I have the perfect excuse since they are hinting they want me to go anyway. What upsets me about all this is the attack on my self esteem and confidence. I vented big time on LV and got as gratifying amount of support. But I still need to decide whether I walk now or wait and see what happens. Actually its a case of whether I MUST walk now because I am not safe or whether I am still safe and its just their over bearing management style. The conspiracy theorists would say I am too expensive at my grade. It is a coincidence I have been told they are seek a band 7 bank just after they have had to pay me for 70 hours annual leave/ bank holiday pay....... So what do Ido? Part of me is thinking if I give up the hospital I will be able to focus on building up my client list for reiki and readings - maybe even hypnotherapy. It just seems strange this has happened just as I am gaining confidence in my reading/mediumship ability AND when my other pharmacy client suddenly asks me for an extra day at short notice - and in so doing re-enforces my confidence in my professional ability. If the work at the orthopaedic is drying up I need to start NOW to look for alternatives. Is cultivating Little Aston and putting more effort into my spiritual work what I am meant to do. This the the blog as a meditation tool coming into play. I know I COULD manage on my pension.....just. And Tony now earns some money. Interestingly he ALSO has been having hassle with HIS work and was thinking of walking. And he also has some kind of new opportunity being given to him tomorrow. Is there some sign in the timings of our dilemmas? Is my desire to go int tomorrow and tell them I am walking just a desire for revenge? OK lets apply the reiki principles Do not worry - that could mean I don;t have to worry about money Do not get angry . The hospital does strain that. the whole set up makes me angry. And I have said often enough I would walk if they ever became registered because I could not sign on as RP. How many times have I said I can only cope there because I DO have the option to walk. Be honest and hard working. Well I can't really be honest at the hospital about how I feel. And I AM hard working but they don't appreciate me. Be humble and respectful. I need to respect the way THEY work. it is THEIR choice . Am I being disrespectful Be compassionate to yourself and others. Well being compassionate to myself means i walk. being compassionate to others means I stay . BUT con a be truly compassionate to others if I am being UNcompassionate to myself. You get more of what you focus on. I have been focussing on working as a pharmacist. Maybe it is time to focus on working as a reader?