Writing the script for my life

I have had some rather frustrating days with a lot of travelling. I really enjoyed my days at Little Aston, the work was good and rewarding. I got some CPD done and recorded, and I actually felt quite energised by the time I got home on Saturday. The prospect of a ghost hunt, the trip to wolverhampton, work at the ROH, then a ghost hunt in Burton Friday evening doesn't bother me. I am not thinking 'I need to stop and rest' So something has energised me which is good. But the ghost hunt last night was less than successful for me. One of the new guests proved to be VERY sensitive and kept channeling. I did what I could to protect him - but things kicked off while I was doing protection for the group. Tony didn't go in the end, and I was worried about the journey back on those deserted roads in the dark so I left early - as did the new sensitive guest Oliver. He went home under the supervision of Sarah and Amy Trevitt because we were all worried about him being a bit spaced out then getting in the car. I was also worried about me being a spaced out because I felt things were on the verge of happening with me - but I blocked it out of fear. AARRGGHHH So if I am writing the script for my future on this tabula rasa what do I REALLY want? I want to be a better psychic/medium. I want to have confidence in the information I give to clients I want a better connection with spirit How interesting that I am not saying I want clients............I clearly need to improve those things before I can get more clients. Now there is an interesting thought.................. I haven't meditated much apart from the class on Thursday. I need to get back into that. I want to feel I meditate properly So why do I feel energised at the same time I feel frustration with my progress. Is it because all these things I am doing are helping my progress? Now there is an interesting thought