Monday morning

And what a Monday morning it is. I have acheived one of my weekend goals. I am going to work with confidence that I can manage a full day. But my anxiety about Edna has been slightly sidelined by my anxiety over Steve. However he will be home tonight. I will text him in a bit just si he knows we are thinking of him. To be honest I am positive work is just the distraction I need from that situation. If I stayed at home the time would drag and I wuld get so uptight worrying about him - almost certainly totally needlessly.

I was more disciplined this morning than I have been for a little while. I did some spiritual reading before the alarm went off. I am considering setting the alarm half an hour earlier to make sure I have the time in the mornings.

I have sored out the kitchen and prepared my lunch already before sitting down to eat . I normally try and use the Wii fit before I eat but I was hungry so I ate.

Food was by no means a total disaster yesterday despite my chocolate craving after seeing Edna. I havent had another muffin, but I did have a couple of choclate eclair toffees, and I had a bedtime snack of 3 Jaffa cakes.

I will do some excercise this morning - but it may just be the Wiifit rather than a walk. I still ache from the swimming.

I have a very active imagination which at the moment is working against me rather than for me. It is causing me to imagine all kinds of disasters and see danger where there is none. It is something I have always has a tendency to do - but I am sure it worse now than it has ever been. Nothing I imagine stops me doing anything so it is an annoyance rather than a problem. I need to deal with it rhough. I think it is back to CYLI7D and some of the excercises in there.

I know I am not quite myself this morning. Depsite all the brave words I could esily sit here and dissolve into tears. I have a ot f little things to do this morning and part of me is in 'rabbit in headlight' mode. I am probably close to having panic attacks or maybe even depresseion. Given the circumstances at the moemnt, these feeling smay not be very surprsiing, but they are not helpful. I really need someone to talk to - who could listen to me rant on for about an hour get it all out of my system and then I would feel better and have it all in perspective.

I avoid involving Tony in all this normally. I dont want to become a burden to him. But I have realised I iften make incoreect assumptions about Tony's reactions to things. Maybe I could talk to him tonight?