Back to earth

Afer the euphoria of yesterday it was inevitable I would have a bit of a bump down today. As I preditec my BMI went up again very slighlty and my weight was back up to 14 st - but not OVER 14 st.

Food yesterday was not good. I had a cereal bar in the tea room before I went to the dispensary - but I alo had a piece of ginger cake left over from yesterday. And I also had some biscuits last night - but I was a bit hungry when I had them. My dinner was also bigger than normal becasue Tony cooked and served it - and I failed to leave any on the plate. But we were late eating because I had been to see Edna after work.

Its amazing how many good excuses I can find for why things didnt go according to plan.

But today things have started well. I have done the body test , I have done some yoga and I have been for a walk (no running today) I have eaten my breakfast fairly slowly - but I am still hungry.

Having been right in my prediction that my BMI would be up today, I can understand why one of Paul's rules is not to weigh yourself more frequently than once every two weeks. To talk about your weight as if t was a fixed entity is a mistake. We have a core wieght about which we vary at any one by anything up to three pounds. But it is the core weight we need to reduce - and that onyl shows up over longer periods.

Having acheived my 13st and 13lbs goal I now need a new one. A BMI of 34 sounds good to me. Doesn't quite go into a mantra though does it!

There is no doubt I am doing better at moving my body than I am with sticking to Paul's golden rules. I am chuffed that I am getting into a routine with a morning walk. Even though it isn't very long (probably about a mile - I must try and check it out) its better than nothing. The main limitation is time. I know I can walk further but I dont have the time. What I cant do consistently is run.

Sharon the other day in your blog you expressed dissappointment that you had only run 6K instead of the planned 8. From my viewpoint, running 6K would be a HUGE acheivment. It is only disappnting from your viewpoint becasue your goal is to run further than that. I dnt know how long you have been running, but think back to when you started. Could you ever imagine running 8K and I know you have run much further than that.

I just wanted to hug you when I read what you wrote about hating what you saw in the lift mirror. I am sure your self image was skewed because you feel you are failing in your running. And you are not. You CAN run much further than other people can. I know you feel you have failed becasue you haven't run a marathon. Why did that become such an important goal? You are still you even if you never run marathon. Macey and Mat will still love you. And running 6K a day is still very good for you and your health.

Us ladies with body image problems can be very good at finding excuses for why things havent worked out the way we hoped. But we can also be very bad at recognising and celebrating real acheivment. And unless we DO recognise what we have acheived we wont be motivated to acheive anything else. Carrots work better than sticks on the whole.

Anyway I need to stop writing and start doing. Dissappointingly I am stil hungry so some toast will be on the menu in a bit. I am tired becasue I have had some lousy nights sleep lately. I haven been listenign to trance stuff and I think I need to get back obnto the habit. You can deduce I haven't carried through my plan to listen to Kelly Howell for 6 weeks!

Memo to self - must listen to something tonight - masybe Paul's weight loss track would be apprpraite since its the food side that isnt going too well