Time to review

Its 7.00 am on Saturday morning and no-ne should be up so I'm not. I got up at 6.30 fed the cats, made myself a coffee (but no reakfast becasue I wasn't hungry) grabbed the laptop and came back to bed.

Paul encourages a reviw every 2 weeks in his 90 day journal, so thats what I'm going to do. I've just re-read all my previous entries. I see that I twice thought I had passed the tipping point for eating slowly. That bit of the prgramme really is beggining to stick. And if I'm honest its the bit I know I needed to work on. I have always eaten fast. Its the bit Tony noticed most that I didn't do so doing it is a psoitve sign to him that I am sticking with programme.

A lot of people may write off Paul's programe as mumbo-jumbo. I'm a long way from being convinced by the TFT tspping excercise to reduce cravings to be honest. It has been given less than enthusiastuc reviews in scientific/medical journals. But as a pharmacist I know the rules for good nutrtion and weight loss. The ony way to lose weight and keep it off is to change your eating patters sp you eat healthier food in a healthier way. Also years ago it was discovered that you would lose weight without cuttng down on food intake if you just spread it out through the day in several small meals rater than 3 larger ones. So scientifically I know that if you follow Paul's programme you will lose weight. The trance track is to get you in the correct frame of mind to stick to it as are all the visualization techniques.

Also since I first embarked on weight oss programmes ( way back in the 1960's when Mum started worrying about my weight) so much more has been learnt about healthy eating. The very first diet Mum put me on was low carb way before the Atkins diet was even thougt of. I've seen the F plan diet come and go, and even used meal replacments (Limmits) 30 years or more ago. To be honest when I was young I didn't have a problem with my weight - Mum did. So I always thought of myself as fat . Its no great surrpise that I ended up fat really. I wasn't fat when I was at home. It really started when I left home becasue I had no idea about healthy eating becasue I was fed up of being on diets. Its a good job my Mum will never read this but she laid the foundations of my weight problem. However I am responsible for the food I have put in my mouth since I left home, so its not her fault - its mine. My failure to lose weight over the years stems from too many crisps and biscuits, too much alcohol possibly at one point, and a poor self image which saw me as 'fat' and meant comfort eating was always a possibility.

Now however my goal is NOT weaight loss - its good health - whch I can 'visualise' very clearly. The wieght loss will be an added bonus

I do actually eat a relatively healthy diet since my BP was went up. Pies and pastry generally figure far less than they used to, ready meals are a rarity, I cook more with fresh ingredients, and I eat fresh fruit. I've even excercised more since I first became an official cardiovascular patient. When I think of what my luncjes used to be at work I shudder. I often clouldn't be bothered to make a lunch or would rebel against the croispberads I though I should take, and would head for the coffee shop. Sandwiches sausage roll and a huge muffin was my favourite. Now with Paul's programe I understand why I rebelled against the crispbreads, but also I couldn't manage the sandwich sausage roll and muffin.

I think the key to me getting healthy (and losing weight) is dealing with the emotonal side and stopping the comfort eating, and keeping up the walking.

I am still not maing much progress with making decisions about my job - but that isn't surprising since managment are not really asking me anythign yet. Its too soon. But O do need to be clear about what I want when I do see them - and that measn I need to have confidence that my decison will not leave the family finincially worse off. I am certain I want to take retirment - but a lot depends on what my options are at UHB. I am regaining the confidence in my ability to work as a pharmacist, and I think that away form the NHS I would be under a lot less stress. I feel that stress is a key factor reposnsible for my lack of energy so far. I need to work on my stress capacity maybe? Need to remember to relax properly maybe?

Memo to self. I must get 'Change your life in 7 days' back from Martin.