Aftermath

Well I'm back, knackered after driving 184 miles . I am distinctly upset by Mum's state, but in a strange way I am comforted by the feeling that Mum is accepting of what I feel is her inevitable fate in the near future.

She has deteriorated a lot since I last saw her. She slept for about the first hour I was there, and after lunch it was clear she was ready for another sleep. She said she thought about asking me to cancel going down, but in the end didn't. I would have gone down anyway - and I told her so. She asked me what I thought was going on with her, whihc I found incredibly to answer. I said her age was a factor, but that she was probably more sensitive to the morphine tablets than she used to be. This is probably true since her liver a kidneys will not be metabolising it as well as they should, and she is probably slowly accumulating it in her body.I am so glad I found something true I could say to her. Jane has just been on the phone to me, and apparently the home think Mum may have a UTI. That could explain why she is so poorly - but I don't quite buy it. If she has got a UTI she has had it since her birthday 2 weeks ago whihc is when the home first noticed she was worse. I do hope I am wrong. Jane asked if we should get the GP to review her meds. I did actually point out that there comes a time when you can't tinker any more. Intellectually I know Jane accepts that Mum may not live much longer, but in her heart she doesn't beleive it.


I predicted to Tony that within a month I will get a call telling me Mum has passed away. Am I being overly dramatic in feeling that? In a months time ( 17th August - just after Tony's birthday) am I going to look back at this entry and think what pretentious twaddle I wrote? I realy hope so,