I've spent time thinking today about how bloody awful this year has been. I just want to wipe it out and forget it - but I know I can't. So they only way I can cope with all the bad stuff sthat has happened is to try and get some good stuff out of the experiences. That will take time.
Intellectually I know one day I will look back at this and say 'Yes it was awful - but I survived it and came out the other end sane' At te moment I can't imagine how I am going to do that. I think I need to find 'Care of the Soul' an dip into that. My soul needs something at the moment - but I'm not sure what.
People ask me 'how are you' and I say 'Doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances' Actually considering the circumstances I think I'm doing very well indeed. But I still feel very detached from everything. When that ends , then I think I'm in for a very rough time - and maybe thats what I'm scared of.
Mike is here today - and is very kindly providing a meal for us tonight. He has brought the ingredients and will do the cooking. I was really touched by that. I think its more a thank you for all the meals he's had here over the weeks, but tts nice he chose to do it this weekend when its obvious I'm not going to be at my best.
I feel so lucky to have so many good friends supporting me, who can accept that I don't feel like talking or doing much at the moment
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