This day seems to have lasted for ever I was up so early. As per normal Jane and Bob are mega organized . They've already thoought about the funeral, does Steve want to help carry the coffin (he doesn't) flowers and a suitable charity for non family members (Mum's beloved Donkey Sanctuary) I've even been told details of her bequests. I sense that Jane is coping by burying herself in activity and lists and orgaization.
My hardest moment today was ringing the home to thank them for the way they looked after Mum. When I saw her last week she was at such pains to tell me how happy she was at Hazlemere Lodge and I wanted the staff to know. I didn't know the woman I spoke to - but she knew Mum and said what a wonderful person she was.
She could be when she wanted - but she could be very manipulative at times. That wasa side she didn't show to the staff at the Lodge.
I've tried to imagine the funeral and can't without my stomach knotting up. I can't begin to imagine how I will get through it
I am tired, numb, have a stinking headache, can't concentrate on anything, and feel generally shitty. I am bad tempered, and lousy company. But what do I expect?
On the plus side it seems I am going to get a good legacy. I didn't know Mum had much money but the boys all get 1000.00 (verbal bequest according to Bob who I presume is executor) and he casually said there was 20.000 in one account which would come to me!! I may have misunderstood and it has to be split between Jane and I but at the very least I will get 10,000 which will pay off a lot of debts, and that isn't all her money.
I have contacted work to let them know. I am entitled to 5 days compassionate leave. I don't know what to do about work really. I wasn't myself before all this happened. I am worried I clould be an accident looking for somewhere to happen at the moment. But I may feel better once I have ad some sleep. I hate to do it, but I will have to use Zopiclone for a day or two
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