Coping with ups and downs

Well after an inspired start this morning, its all gone a bit 'pete tong' Between pain in my back and shoulder, and some unfortunate news that affects my financial situation, right now I'm feeling pretty fed up. I know my reaction to the financial news was probably not warranted and was probably a refelction of my tiredness. So I want to try and use this entry to emphasise the positive.

So lets concentrate my weight loss efforts. I have ried with the golden rules but not really succeeded briliant. I listend to the track, I ate what I wanted, when I was hungry - although stemming my appetite at work was tricky. I did eat consciously but not as slwly as I should have done probably. I didn't drink water, and because I used the car I didn't move my body as much as I would have liked. To be fair my back is preventing me from doing as much excercise as I want to so I don't really blame myself for that. In fact I don't really have anything to balme myse;f about. I am trying to follow the programme, and just because I can't get it completely right every day, doesn't mean that I am a failure.

I think I have to work harder on workig out what I really want to eat. I;ve made a start with ditchnig the sweeteners and realising sandwihes for lunch are much nicer than crispbreads. I've had two biscuit todayc -and some gorgeous cake at work. But I ate it slowly - and very nice it was too. I haven't binged on biscuits. I am worried that if I can't walk far it will make losing weight harder - but I trust that if I don't do as much excercise. my body will still tell me how much food it need. All I have to do is listen to what it tells me.

Last night and this morning I asked for some sign about what I am suosed to do about work. Should I stay at the hospital or just retire? This news may just be the sign that I should retire.

I got my work e-mail account re-activated today. I was told I have a new accoutn when I started back but they've ust re-activayed my old one. I oend it to discover over 650 emails i my in box. My reaction to tat, and my reaction to seeing some of the senders of the e-mails- was a revelation. I felt no desire to read any of the mails, no desire to bring myself up to speed with anything tat had been going on. I just felt like running away.

I have also realised that I can totally selfish about my ension and lump sum. Steven won't need anything from me financially at all. I can use the money to enjoy life now. The idea is evry tempting..............................

I am really very lucky. I do have options that other people would give their eye teeth for. I need to count mt blessings