Being in control

I finally feel as if I am back in control of my life - and that measn I will be more in control of my food.

I have a permanent booking from Monday. 30 hours a week at Russells Hall Hospital. The downside is the traveling and the hours. It is 17 miles away from me and they want me to do 10.00 until 4.30 with a half hour lunch. Of course this means I will miss the worst of the rush hour - but it does mean the whole of the day is taken with travel and work. This doesnt leave much time for Edna during the week - but I will have to see how it goes.

On the plus side the laet start will give me the me time I need to keep in control of things.

I have discovered listening to trance CD's on a CD player with speakers is much nicer than an MP3 player with earphones. So this morning I listened to 'I can make you thin' on my new DAB radio/clock/CD player . I still have problems with visualisations but I trust Paul when he says all you have to do is listen the CD and follow the 4 golden rules. So that is what I will do. I will 'listen repeatedly and practice tenaciously' As I reminded myself the other day persistence is the key to success in every area of life.

I did 10 minutes unguided meditated last night before going to bed. I managed to buy myself some prayer beads yesterday and used those as a focus for the mantra. There are some weight loss meditations on the site I found. I will probably use them sometimes. I know the CD is a sort of meditation - but it is very guided. I think some meditation at night to help me relax and sleep and Pauls CD when I wake up to keep on track with food sounds a good plan.

Food yesterday went OK. We went to Marion's for the game lasy night with a whole bag of snack food - and all I had was one cereal bar.This morning I woke hungry and have already had breakfast (eaten slowly of course) and I still feel hungry. But I will have a drink do some yoga and then see how I feel.

I went clothes shopping yesterday and was so pleased when I found I could get into size 18 skirts and size 20 trousers. And this was ordinary store sozes not Evans sizes. I could nearly get into sixe 18 trousers as well. I wasn't too happy with my reflection in the changing room mirror while I was getting changed tho. But in the clothes I looked ok. I really DO want to look great naked. Maybe that is what I should focus on.

I think its time to do something I havent done for a long time - Pauls questions from the 90 day success journal. So yetserday

I ate when I was hungty
I ate what I wanted
I ate slowly - but possibly not as slowly as I should have done
I stopped before I was full - well most of the time I did. I certainly didnt stuff myself
I moved my body (yoga and step plus on the Wii fit)
I didnt drink water .
I listened to the CD
I didnt conciously do the mirror excercise but generally when I look in a mirror I can smile at my refelction. Even in the changing room I managed to do that. That was the one time when I conciousaly DID resist the tempation to think negative thoughts.

There is one more but I can't remember what it is Oops.

I think today will be my 90th day using the Wii fit. That was one motivation to get going with Pauls programme again. And I know I have lost weight since I started it. So I guess I would deserve the round of applause Paul speaks about on the last journal entry.

I have lost half a stone in 90 days. Not spectacular - but considering for most of the 90 days I havent been at work and have been less active than I normally would its not bad. Also I know how badly I have done with the golden rules at times.

I think the one major change I need to make is to use the tapping technique to resist the urge to snack sometimes. I think the otjher thing I need to do is remind myself that half a stone in 3 months is 2 stone in a year. I coud live with that. I may never end up as a star 'inspirational' story anywhere but maybe thats because I don't need to be .