Time to take a deep breath

I need to take a deep bretah and really THINK about things. This morning I am sitting here feeling thoroughly fed up. My IBS playing up to the point where am back on Movicol with no apparent effect. I feel so uncomfortable with the constipation, and I am very down because of my lack of success in losing weight.

I think I have realised where things have gone wrong with food. I am eating when I am NOT really hungry. So I guess its back to basics. I am also sneaking in biscuits more often than I should. But I am so worried about Edna's future I guess its no shock that I am comfort eating. But I am NOT bingeing. I'm not eating 3 packets of crisps during the day and consoling myself with the thought that each packet is 'only' 125 calories.

I do eat a healthy diet. I enjoy cooking and somehow in my new kitchen I produce much better meals than I used to. I love being in my new kitchen. We eat lots of fruit and veg. I cook mainy from fresh ingredients so not too much processed food. Ans I am doing more than the reccomneded amount of ecercise for health. I am getting in 30 minutes or more a day. So my general HEALTH must be improving.

I know why I feel down. Its becasue I am feeling out of control becasue of Edna and becasue I haven't yet sorted out long term employment. There is very little I can do about Edna and I have as much as I can about a job. So I need to focus on what I CAN control and thats my health both physical AND mental.

I did sleep much better last night than the night before which is a good start. I think I need a day off from Edna , so she will be without visitors one day this week in the interests of my sanity. The Wii fit is calling me - and on this very chily morning it will warm me up cheaper than putting the fire on. And I know excercise will do me good hysically and mentally

I just wish my guts would stop playing up and work normally.

I also know I musn't focus TOO much of 'control' of my food/weight and let it get out of hand. So to -re-assure myself I am not heading for an eating disorder my Wii fit goal is to lose a stone in 3 months. I need to assure myself tat fod is not the ONLY thing I have control over. I must think about today.

Hopefully tommorrow I will re-read this and think what a load of pompous twaddle - but it really is how I feel this morning.