I had an appalling nights sleep last night - worrying about Edna - and woke up this morning feeling really tired and very down. I was SO tempted to write a long and depressing blog entry. But I retained enough cognition to realise that I wasn't really reacting appropiately to things so I decided to act rather than write, and try to get myself out of doldrums with excercise and discipline. My efforts failed dismally so I sit here tonight with my self image still in tatters. Intelectually I know I'm not a fat lump who is failing at everything. But my emotions tell me I am just that. Currently I feel I am failing to lose weight, faiing to excercise (I ha to abandon the free jogging) failing to support my son and most importantly failing to help Edna - who isn't much better today but at least she was talking to me! Yesterday she didnt want anything to do with me
I will give myself one pat on the back -I haven't binged or resorted to comfort eating. Tommorrow is another day - it is THE day - the first anniversary of Alan's death. I just hope I feel better onThursday
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