Wine gums

Yesterday food went very very badly. I wasn't at work during the day but had tickets to go out in the evening. (Wrestling show at Coventry) This meant because I knew I wouldn't be able to eat when I was hungry during the evening I ate when I wasn't hungry before I went out. And the net result of that was that I ended up bingeing on wine gums during the evening and especially on the drive home. Because I was at home I also didnt think about drinking water - although I probably did drink more tea and coffee. I did aso buy a bottle of water to drink at the show. I knew what the chanting and cheering would do to my throat. Thats also why I bought the wine gums - to help keep my throat clear. But I will be brutally frank and admit I ate 80% of the pack myself. I ate 40% during the show, Rob had about 10% during the show, and I ate 40% on the VERY short drive from Rob's to ours after dropping him off. The other 10% are still in the car. I was too ashamed to bring the pack into the house with me. I have NO idea why I stuffed myself like that during that short time.

This morning I feel dreadful, my guts feel as if they have seized up and I feel I have a lead weight in my stomach.

I am not too pleased with myself at the moment. I dont hate myself but I am angry with myself for behaving so stupidly . I can't even claim stress or comfort eating. I feel challenged and stimulated by the planning for potential unemployment. I am nervous but not down and depressed. there was NO excuse for what i did. There is NEVER an excuse for what I did. But having confessed all in this blog I know all I can do is draw a line under it, try to learn something from it, forgive myself and move on. I also need to remember that tomorrow is THE DAY I have been looking forward to for so long.

This has been a wake up call. I had been sitting here rather smug thinking that I really didn't NEED the day to help me with my food managment. I will now be approaching the day in a very different frame of mind - and I suspect I will get a lot more from it as a result.

I am very tired this morning. I am so glad I booked myself a day off - even though part of me is thinking I need to grab all the hours I can while I have work. In fact I am quite proud of my reaction to Geoff's warning aboutthe booking coming to an end. It would have been easy to go into panic mode and I didn't.

Today I have the meeting with the financial adviser about what to do with the money I inherited. For me it largely comes down to a choice of whether (and how) I invest the money or do I pay off the mortgage and look at investing the money that would have gone to the mortgage. Of course if my income is going to drop radically it is possible I could NEED the money that would have gone to pay the mortgage to live off. Choices choices.

I am too tired to exercise this morning - but the walking I did yesterday has made me realise how out of shape I am since I stopped doing the 30 /40 minutes a day I used to do. I am glad I have the goal of the race to spur me on. I am sure it will be beneficial. So I will be exercising today - but later when I am more awake.