This going to be whinge - you have been warned

I am so fed up I could cry. I feel as if my life is falling apart round me at the moment and I dont have a clue what to do.

Tony and I should be getting ready to go on holiday today - except the holiday is in Scotland which is in the grip of blizzards snow drifts and avalanches. I actually dont think the area where we are going is that badly affected - but the final road to the hotel is a small B road - which probably means its a small county lane. I can't get through to the hotel to ask them what the road is like because their line is out of order - which doesn't bode well for the conditions up there.

To add to our problems yesterday I had to rush my son to A and E after he sent me an SOS because he was feeling so ill. They have diagnosed him with flu/glandular fever and sent him home. He spent most of yesterday alseep on our settee although he did start eating yesterday whihc was a good sign.

He is now back at his house (30 seconds walk away from ours) but he is still feeling fairly rough with little energy to do anything. And he is supposed to be feeding our cats when we go away.

Tony (who is very much a glass half empty type of person) is of the opinion that we should should just abandon the holiday because we dont know if we can get there and he is worried we may get stuck up there if the weather turns bad again. I am desperately unhappy that the holiday I was so looking forward to is being snatched away from me and want to scream at someone.

But arguing with Tony isn't going to improve anything - its just going to make me even more miserable. And it isn't Steve's fault he has fallen ill. I'm just relieved I was there when he needed me.

Mind you waiting in the A and E yesterday brought back memories of Edna.

I feel as if my life is a kaleidoscope and someone has just turned it to create a new pattern.

I feel so selfish to be feeling like this. Part of me wants to scream that I have worked so hard and I bloody well deserve a holiday. But I do understand why Tony is reluctant to go. And I wouldn't be happy 300 miles away worrying about Steve.

It will come as no surprise to find out I have been eating quite mindlessly. Not bingeing on biscuits or anything like that. Just eating my meals with no real thought for how I feel about the food - or whether I am even hungry.

I know I will come out of this - but right now I feel lost and alone and unloved ..... and life really sucks.

But I am going to turn the wii fit on and see if exercise can get some serotonin into my brain and start helping me to feel better about everything