Sunday 21 February 2010

A nasty realisation

If I am going to work with my new headhunter friend I am going to have to update and probably re-write my CV. I have realised I am dreading doing it. I find it almost impossible to sell myself. It seems wrong some how to boast . It is my natural british reticence - at least that is what I try to tell myself.

The reality of course is that this is my poor self image coming out again. I am clearly going to have to confront this head on soon because that CV is going to get written whether I decide to approach any of the employers Manie suggests for me or not.

It is disappointing to find my self image is still holding me back after all the effort I have put in. I try to imagine who a potential employer would see me and the words that come into my head are 'fat' 'old' 'plain'. I feel the best way for me to convince someone I am worth employing is by showing them in the workplace. That's why I feel going back to UHB would be my best option. They already KNOW what I can do what I am like. That's why I feel so rejected because they haven't booked me. I feel they know what I can do - and it isn't good enough.

I just hope tomorrow's body test doesn't give me bad news.

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