Happiness is journey not a destination

I had this as my FB status the other day. i can't claim credit for it- I found it on status shuffle. But it is very true. We chose to be happy or to be unhappy. 'Happy' means being content with our lot in life and making the most of it. 'Unhappy' is constantly wishing thngs were different without doing anything to change things. What most people dont realise is they have the power to change things if they really want to.

I've been thinking a lot about Alan over the past few days. It all started at the weekend when I was at the convention and being reminded how he introduced me to role playing. I said a few days ago I realised I had a certain charisma. That charisma meant a lot of men on the convention circuit knew me and liked me. I found myself wondering whether Alan felt threatend by the fact that all these men (who were his friends too) would say hallo to him - but give me a huge hug. I also found myself wondering if he was secretly annoyed that I took to both playing and running games so well and became higher ranked than him. He was already insecure - thats why he drank - so I am wondering if I inadvertently added to his insecurity by my success. I dont know where all this musing is going to end but I am sure I need to be at peace with Alan's memory to truly move on in my life. I did lose weight during my marriage. In fact I was at my lightest (about 10st) when Steve was about 3. I had wieghed over 15 st by the end of my pregnancy. It wasn't until his drinking got totally out of control that I started piling on the pounds...........

Back to the plot now. I did well with food and excercise yesterday. I resisted biscuits with my welcome home cup of tea yesterday - becasue I wasnt hungry having eaten half an apple while driving home (I left the other half because I wasnt hungry) I did my usuall morning workout and then 20 minutes freestep after dinner.

This morning I feel tired and achy and very very thirsty. I always wake thirsty but this morning it was worse than normal. I do worry that I am not drinking enough and if I am honest I feel a bit miffed that I can't have a bottle of water with me in the dispensary. Oh well I will just have to vanish twice during during a session not once as I do now. I need to drink water for all sorts of reasons and work will just have to lump it!

I feel sluggish as well and my IBS is playing up slightly , and I think I am going to have to put myself back on Movicol I hate the taste of that stuff .

I feel as if I am marking time for some reason at the moment. Maybe its just a natural calming after the high of the weekend. But I do feel as if I am waiting for something or someone.

Work however won't wait so I must stop writing and start doing or I will never get there!