Breaking habits can be difficult

Yetsterday did go OK in some ways. I got half the leaflets done and will do the rest this morning. Work went OK. Meditation went OK ish but could have gone a lot beter ; and I got a parking space OK at the hospital. But food ....oh dear. It was a very VERY bad food day. There was a bag of little chocolate bars at work - and I had some. Then when I got home it was too hot to feel hungry so I didnt have a meal - and snacked on all the wrong things.

I have listened to the CD this morning and my thoughts were all over the place - but I suppose that isnt such a bad thing. I have realised that deep inside I cant shake off the image of myself as a fat failure. Its the image I got of myself from my Mum bless her. I know she didnt mean to make me feel like that - but how on earth can I undo programming that well entrenched?

I know Paul says that understanding how you came to be how you are is the boobly prize - but all this was triggerred by a phrase in the CD. ' I know your old eating habits served a purpose' I found myself wondering what purpose they had served me? Until I know I cant put in place alternative strategies.


Arrgghh and other similar words. But interestingly this revelation isnt making me feel like giving up. Instead I feel challenged to explore the idea and learn more about myself.

I am typing this in silence with no TV or radio. I am enjoying exploring what silence offers me.

I will be off out in a bit to deliver the rest of the leaflets. And this morning I will be visualising a car parking space very hard. Tuesdays are always bad at the hospital.

So on the whole I am feeling good - but I am hoping I manage food better today. Its not gettong off to a good start. Breakfast was slowly eaten but I am still hungry. But I am NOT giving up.