Mothers Day

Its Mothers Day here in the Uk. Mothering Sunday to give it its proper name. Its supposed to be honouring the mother church, but it is of course a chance for kids to show Mums they love them. Its something thats never happened with my son really. I would get something when school did it - but the whole concept of fathers day was such a tricky one due to his non relationship with Alan, that I never pushed it - and I had no-one to push mothers day for me. Tony is a typical bloke who needs reminding. I have always said we didn't do mothers day because it didn't seem fair to do one and not the other. So I am not expecting a mothers day card or flowers or present from Steve. He hasn't got the money being unemployed and anyway I do know he loves me. So why am I sitting here with tears in my eyes feeling jealous of the Mums whose kids have done something special today? Its my insecurities coming out again. But also I do tend to feel I am not a 'normal' mum. I am not a 'girly' person. I don't do pink or girly chat. I have never been dependant on a man to support me (thank goodness for that!) I am in some ways very masculine. I guess I worry that has had a negative effect on Steve. But my feelings are about my insecurities. The fear that I am not good enough, that I am not loved. But it really shows I still don't love myself enough to be confident I am loved by others. I know both Steve and Tony DO love me - they show me by their actions, and maybe thats the best sort of love. Words are cheap - but actions take effort.