Argghhhh. I was trying so hard to be so good about blogging. Never mind lets have another go. As with my other habits it seems to go well at the beginning of the work - but fades as I get more tired, It went wrong on Wednesday when I was heading for the hospice. I ran out of time in the morning, was tired in the evening (we cancelled the game) and I have not got back on track. But I have meditated more and I have some good news. I did a small leaflet drop near the salon yesterday morning, and I also put business cards through. In less than an hour I got a text from someone who wanted a reading. sadly when we tried to get back to them (I instinctively feel it is a her) the phone went to voice mail. I got chatting to one of Paula's customers - who has VERY good experiences of reiki and mediums - but not since she moved from Nottingham. She was VERY happy to have a business card The signs are looking very good that Steve is about to get an internship which could lead to a permanent job. And all this happened yesterday. I also meditated yesterday as part of the development circle with Marie. AND one of the women at work wants to have some hypnotherapy from me. So things are looking up. On the bad news side my IBS is still a problem. And yesterday I saw myself in a mirror at the salon and thought 'What a big fact cow' And I feel FAT this morning with a capital F. I haven't really used the wiifit this week either I realise. Anyway I have had a healthy breakfast muesli and fresh mango with fromage frais) My lunch is already at work (I hit the canteen on Tuesday) - but I may not have a lunch break today as I am leaving early to go to a funeral. In which case I need to make a lunch I can eat on the move - which isn't practical for soup. So I need to make a sandwich rather that go and buy one Because I am heading straight out to the funeral I will be using the car to get to work. So no walk to work. That view of myself in the mirror has shocked me. It was partly the clothes I had chosen - but it is a very depressing image of myself - ad not how I want to look at all. No doubt the IBS is adding to the 'I feel fat' syndrome. But I have GOT to do something to start things moving in the right direction. I keep saying that - but don't do anything. Why? Is my weight partly sue to my thyroid?? Or is that an excuse for me not to do enough? Maybe I need to keep a food diary for a couple of weeks and look at my eating patterns. Will that help? Maybe I just need to step on the scales and face the music. It may not be as bad as I fear. Why when things are actually going so well in some ways do I have have this huge 'I am a failure' feeling about this? I should be motivated and raring to go - but I'm not. WHY??? The problem is in my head I am sure.