Changes

This blog - and many other weight loss blogs - are all about the changes we have made, want to make,or want to see. Often the most fundamental change we need to make is in us and our attitudes.

Yesterday I was brought face to face with the reality of how lucky I really am. I got the cheque through for the final part of Edna's estate and was able to go to Fosters to pay the final bill and also give Alma Barry and Sue their legacies. The stunned look on all their faces as they looked at the cheques said it all. And I found myself confronting the reality that my view of what a thousand pounds means is very different to theirs. And I found myself wondering if I had become greedy and arrogant. I do hope not.

Handing over the cheques was an emotional experience. It was hard going back to Fosters. Her flat is empty - no curtains at the windows. I automatically looked in as I walked down the path the way I always did when I went to see her. We all ended up in tears in the office - even Barry. I was surprised because Alma said they had never EVER been left anything in a will before. I suppose not many of the residents had estates the size of Edna's. They will be raising a glass to Edna over Christmas -once they have recovered from the shock. I need to raise a glass to Doug who ensured she was so well provided for. And I need to remember every day to be thankful that I am in the position where a thousand pounds is an every day sum of many. Not small change - nowhere even CLOSE to small change - but the sort of sum I am used to dealing with.

I , and every other weight loss blogger , have realised that trying to change one bit of your life -how you manage food- without changing OTHER bits of your life and how you think and feel about yourself is doomed to failure. Thats why diets dont work in the long term. If you are a comfort eater, you need to change how you react to stress so you can stop comfort eating. Then you can KEEP the weight off.

I need to remind myself every day that a lot of the things that stress me are minor and tirvial. I need to prioritise things and get a proper perspective on things. My stress points are largely historical.

15 years ago I left an alcoholic husband and became a single mother with a mortgage. Then I got made redundant - partly because I had a lot of ill health due to my back and had surgery on it. It isn't surprising that I became obsessed with my ability to earn money and keep a roof over our heads. I always thought of myself as poor . I certainly had financial restrictions but even then was lucky to have a way of earning good money.

I still have the same mindset today. But the reality is I have a pension as big as some peoples salaries, still earn more than the average salary and now have a large sum of money in the bank.
A few days ago we all looked at the picture of a model who had been sacked for being too fat - at a size 12 - and our reaction was unanimous. We would ALL love to be 'that fat' I suspect some people will be reading my blog and thinking. My god I would love to be that poor'

I AM LUCKY and I need to remember that. I need to change my mindset RADICALLY.

Food and exercise yesterday were both very out of my normal routine. I did a 15 minute routine then went out to do shopping and the run to Fosters. I ate while I was out (a sausage roll yum) . After I got back from Fosters I started wrapping presents and finally had a snack of bread and peanut butter. Then in the evening all we had was soup and toast because Tony was poorly and didnt want to eat much. O also had a pear and a cherry bakewell tart. But I ate when I was hungry. ate what I wanted (my diet yesterday may have been low in calories - but was about as unhealthy as you can get) and managed to eat slowly. I did do some freestep in the evening and hit both my time and calorie targets.

This morning I have had a cup of coffee - but I must eat soon as I am feeling hungry. I have not exercised yet - but will turn on the wii fit in a bit. I have a house full of christmas food - but dont feel tempted to nibble. So I am confident I am not going overdo the unhealthy food. I have made a healthy choice for breakfast ; porridge made with half skimmed milk and half water sweetened with sugar . Yum!

The rets of today will depend on how Tony is feeling when he wakes up