Doing a Beyond Choc tune in this morning Physically I have distinct IBS pain plus minor other aches and pains and I feel bloated. Emotionally I am upset by some bad news but also excited by going to the psychic circle for the first time. Thought or question is 'will anything exciting happen at the circle'
The bad news is that Lindsey has been told her cancer is terminal. She told me herself in a very matter of fact way in an email. She also said she probably have long so I am going to see her - maybe tomorrow. I have known Lindsey since my uni days. She was a year below me but we were both enthusiastic members of the Scout and Guide Group. We never made an effort to keep in touch - but somehow kept running into each other during our careers. Her husband Gordon was also in the SGG at Aston although I haven't seen him for years. The thought that I will be going to another funeral soon is horrible.
I found the news out yesterday. Can I blame that for the Dorito's I ate last night? If I can then I am reaping the rewards this morning in the form of my IBS.
Why do I find snacking so hard to avoid? I am sure if I could sort that out I would have no problems losing weight. When I snack I am breaking all the rules
Part of last nights snacking was due to the fact that I didnt enjoy my dinner at all. Memo to self if you are not enjoying dinner DON'T EAT IT. Ditch it and do yourself something you CAN enjoy and eat slowly.
I am going shopping in a bit so I can make sure there are foods I lie aorund. And anyway tonight we will have a takeaway - we always do on a Saturday.
I am excited by the thought of actually seeing 'The Man' in January. If nothing else I will be able to tell him how much CYLI7D did for me . But something tells me I will get something surprising from the day apart from some motivation to help me reach my weight loss goal. Mind you would I have gone if the price had stayed at 250.00? No. It was only the fact that is was down to 99.00 that tempted me. Also since I know the rules part of me feels I dont need to go. BUT the way it all happened made it feel like I was MEANT to go - and I am excited.
I have a busy day today and must get out to do the shopping soon.
The wii fit is sulking because I didnt use it yesterday. I may use it to today later on. I haven't had breakfast - I dont feel hungry yet. I am determined NOT to say 'tomnorrow is the 1st November I will make a new effort with the eating ruels tomorrow' I WILL do my best to keep to the rules TODAY - and every day of my life
Saturday, 31 October 2009
Friday, 30 October 2009
Getting to meet the guru
I have just booked tickets for one of Paul's seminars/days/shows - whatever you call them. It is on January 30th.
Part of me isn't quite sure what I will get from it - its not as if I don't KNOW the rules. I have been trying to follow them for long enough. But I have wanted the chance to meet him for ages - if for no other reason than to tell him how much CYLI7D did for me.
Part of me isn't quite sure what I will get from it - its not as if I don't KNOW the rules. I have been trying to follow them for long enough. But I have wanted the chance to meet him for ages - if for no other reason than to tell him how much CYLI7D did for me.
Lets lose the countdown................
The countdown thing isn't working or isn't helping. There are just too many other things going on for me to keep this blog JUST about food at the moment. Today I have a day off work - and I feel I need a day off keeping my focus on food. lets be honest the whole idea of Paul's system is that you DON'T focus on food the practice until the rules become habits and the weight loss follows on.
I have a day off because the charity will be coming to clear the remaining furniture out of Edna's flat today. After last weeks failure I decided I needed to be there to let them in. I will also pop into her bank and have a little whinge abut the fact that despite the information we were given when her account was converted to a joint account, the account is frozen until probate is granted. I also want to tackle the tax form and the probate form.
I also have an additional job to tackle because the accountants have got my address wrong so my limited company is registered at number 35 instead of my at house- and the occupier is not a happy bunny. So today I need to ring up the accountants and blast them; draft a letter to explain to unhappy neighbour what I have done to rectify things, say that there is one more package that will arrive at his address for me from Play (I managed to select the wrong address from the drop down menu !) and to tell him if he rings us we will go across and collect any post; go to Kings Heath to the bank; go to Edna's flat to let the men in; and tackle the paperwork.
The catalogue of errors has depressed me. It feels as if I can't do anything right. So todays sparkpeople reflection was apt
f you accept someone else's idea of reality and personal limits, you'll have no control over your own destiny. You can only go as far as that view will let you. Do you normally accept things as they are, or do you ask "why" and "what if"? Being an individual and thinking for yourself--even while others are calling you crazy--takes courage. For many, trying a new perspective is scary. But if we always stick to the familiar, the known, we never grow and learn. Don't be afraid to go against the grain. Ask the tough questions that everyone else is afraid to ask. Try a new way to do the same thing just to see what happens. We guarantee you that the world won't end. You'll see solutions that nobody else would see if they're all looking at a problem the same way. Practice new ways to combine unrelated objects. After all, somebody had to try peanut butter and jelly for the first time.
I have no doubt the angry neighbour thinks I am a total klutz. To be honest I feel like a bit of a klutz. But I am not going to accept that reality - I will sort it out. But its the rest of the piece that got me thinking. I am not going to get stuck in my comfort zone. I AM going to go against the (pharmaceutical) grain. I want to combine my pharmacy knowledge with my reiki skill. I clould possibly do something to enhance BOTH. The reflective piece feels as if it telling me ' Don't get downhearted by the little setbacks at the moment - keep on the path you are on'
Apart from feeling like a klutz I feel physically blah today. Doing a 'beyond Chocolate' tune in physically I have colicky pain from my IBS - I also have a pain in my right thigh and my knees and fingers feel a bit stiff. Emotionally I am anxious about the the situation with the angry neighbour and whether everything will go according to plan today. Thought or question is will the charity shop turn up and what will I do if they don't.
I dont feel hungry at all - so I haven't eaten. I don't really fancy anything to eat. I am staring at the wii fit snd thinking I am NOT going to put it on yet. I am physically tired. Work has been tough this week. To be honest it was only the thought that I had this day off that kept me going yesterday.
I feel as if I have been concentrating on my physical health at the expense of my mental and spiritual health . I need to get things back in balance I think.
Food didn't go too badly yesterday although I snacked during the evening. But I feel as if I need confort food. Sometimes you do. So the food itself wasn't wrong - but the way I ate it was. I didnt focus on the food it wasn't on a plate I didnt give it sufficient thought.
I feel as if I ams till ' in a bad place' but at least I feel I can see a way OUT of it now. I still can lose weight before Christmas. I have over 6 weeks. I could lose half a stone easily. I beleive in Paul's system I just have to follow it.
I have a day off because the charity will be coming to clear the remaining furniture out of Edna's flat today. After last weeks failure I decided I needed to be there to let them in. I will also pop into her bank and have a little whinge abut the fact that despite the information we were given when her account was converted to a joint account, the account is frozen until probate is granted. I also want to tackle the tax form and the probate form.
I also have an additional job to tackle because the accountants have got my address wrong so my limited company is registered at number 35 instead of my at house- and the occupier is not a happy bunny. So today I need to ring up the accountants and blast them; draft a letter to explain to unhappy neighbour what I have done to rectify things, say that there is one more package that will arrive at his address for me from Play (I managed to select the wrong address from the drop down menu !) and to tell him if he rings us we will go across and collect any post; go to Kings Heath to the bank; go to Edna's flat to let the men in; and tackle the paperwork.
The catalogue of errors has depressed me. It feels as if I can't do anything right. So todays sparkpeople reflection was apt
f you accept someone else's idea of reality and personal limits, you'll have no control over your own destiny. You can only go as far as that view will let you. Do you normally accept things as they are, or do you ask "why" and "what if"? Being an individual and thinking for yourself--even while others are calling you crazy--takes courage. For many, trying a new perspective is scary. But if we always stick to the familiar, the known, we never grow and learn. Don't be afraid to go against the grain. Ask the tough questions that everyone else is afraid to ask. Try a new way to do the same thing just to see what happens. We guarantee you that the world won't end. You'll see solutions that nobody else would see if they're all looking at a problem the same way. Practice new ways to combine unrelated objects. After all, somebody had to try peanut butter and jelly for the first time.
I have no doubt the angry neighbour thinks I am a total klutz. To be honest I feel like a bit of a klutz. But I am not going to accept that reality - I will sort it out. But its the rest of the piece that got me thinking. I am not going to get stuck in my comfort zone. I AM going to go against the (pharmaceutical) grain. I want to combine my pharmacy knowledge with my reiki skill. I clould possibly do something to enhance BOTH. The reflective piece feels as if it telling me ' Don't get downhearted by the little setbacks at the moment - keep on the path you are on'
Apart from feeling like a klutz I feel physically blah today. Doing a 'beyond Chocolate' tune in physically I have colicky pain from my IBS - I also have a pain in my right thigh and my knees and fingers feel a bit stiff. Emotionally I am anxious about the the situation with the angry neighbour and whether everything will go according to plan today. Thought or question is will the charity shop turn up and what will I do if they don't.
I dont feel hungry at all - so I haven't eaten. I don't really fancy anything to eat. I am staring at the wii fit snd thinking I am NOT going to put it on yet. I am physically tired. Work has been tough this week. To be honest it was only the thought that I had this day off that kept me going yesterday.
I feel as if I have been concentrating on my physical health at the expense of my mental and spiritual health . I need to get things back in balance I think.
Food didn't go too badly yesterday although I snacked during the evening. But I feel as if I need confort food. Sometimes you do. So the food itself wasn't wrong - but the way I ate it was. I didnt focus on the food it wasn't on a plate I didnt give it sufficient thought.
I feel as if I ams till ' in a bad place' but at least I feel I can see a way OUT of it now. I still can lose weight before Christmas. I have over 6 weeks. I could lose half a stone easily. I beleive in Paul's system I just have to follow it.
Thursday, 29 October 2009
Day 33
Courage comes in many forms. In Hollywood, courage involves evildoers and daring deeds. In real life, rescue workers, police, and the military have the courage to lie their lives on the line for someone else or a cause. Even for those of us who live life on a much smaller stage, courage is no less important. The world and the future can be scary. Fear of failure, fear of change, and fear of taking a chance can be enough to keep us in bed all day if we let them. Do you live bravely or do you often look for the easy way out? Next time you're faced with two choices, choose the bolder. As this becomes more natural, you can be sure that you'll do the right thing when called upon. Stand up for your values. Stand up for your goals. Stand.
So what are my goals? What do I need courage to do? Well I will need courage to use my reiki if that is what I am meant to do. Just because something is 'meant' to happen doesn't mean it is easy to do. And I need courage to lose weight. In my mind co-one expects too much of a fat person - but thin people are achievers. I hadn't realised that before.
The bottom line is I don't think I am an achiever . Self image issues again.
Today has started well. I have done 10 minutes step plus but decided I will do my other 20 minutes tonight. I have had breakfast (1 weetabix and an orange) and eaten in quite slowly. The bad side is I still feel hungry
My IBS is really playing up and making me feel bloated and blah.
I really must stop being such a self pitying wimp. I know I can achieve things. I have achieved things, I need to kick myself up the backside and just tell myself to get on with it
I just checked my mail box and found this from beyond chocolate
So what are my goals? What do I need courage to do? Well I will need courage to use my reiki if that is what I am meant to do. Just because something is 'meant' to happen doesn't mean it is easy to do. And I need courage to lose weight. In my mind co-one expects too much of a fat person - but thin people are achievers. I hadn't realised that before.
The bottom line is I don't think I am an achiever . Self image issues again.
Today has started well. I have done 10 minutes step plus but decided I will do my other 20 minutes tonight. I have had breakfast (1 weetabix and an orange) and eaten in quite slowly. The bad side is I still feel hungry
My IBS is really playing up and making me feel bloated and blah.
I really must stop being such a self pitying wimp. I know I can achieve things. I have achieved things, I need to kick myself up the backside and just tell myself to get on with it
I just checked my mail box and found this from beyond chocolate
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Day 32
My motto for life!
Each day is a new chance to find joy and to dance. If you let it pass or think it useless, the chance is gone and you'll never get it back. When was the last time you played? Or just did something for the sheer fun of it? Joy is not found in the world around you, it's within yourself. You can make your own joy, especially during those dark times when you need to really feel alive again. Fun and play are healthy antidotes to taking life--and ourselves--too seriously. They're proven boosters of immune systems and mental health and make life worth the trouble. So do the twist. Sing in the shower. Learn a magic trick. Watch a cartoon. Challenge some kids to a game. Don't let a single day go to waste.
This blog is as much about getting my life i order as it is about getting my weight and health issues in order
But back to my weight and health issues.
I have decided to keep on with the Movicol even though the acute issue has been resolved. I am also seriously considering adding something like Activia to my daily diet as a preventative measure.
Yesterday I said I wasn't going to exercise - but in the end I did. I did 30 minutes free stepping watching the tv last night.
I didnt put out a buffet for last nights MH so food went better but I still did some snacking BUT I WAS hungry when I ate.
But being honest food didn't go brilliantly. Being brutally honest I feel this 90 day session is a bust - but I am NOT GIVING UP.
The difference between 'try' amd 'triumph' is a bit of 'umph' so I am kicking myself up the backside mentally and telling myself to give it some umph.
I need to believe I CAN lose weight. There is another area of my life where I need to beleive I can do something .
There is an obvious theme here - I still haven't dealt with the self image issues that have plagued me for so long.
Right lets look at what I am doing well
I am exercising - even when I say I won't I do
I am eating smaller meals
I am drinking more water
I am eating slower
I do think what I really want before I eat
Crisps used to be a very regular part of my diet - 3 packets a day sometimes. Now they are a treat.
Because I am more aware of what I want to eat I am paying more attentio to texture whihc means I have to cook more pften to get what I want. And O cook healthier meals
At my heaviest I weighed over 16 and a half stone. I have gone from that weight (many years ago now) to 14 stone -( via about 10 stone. It would be nice to get back around 10st. ) So I CAN lose weight . I can do this and I can do it in a way that means I wont put wieght back on the moment the diet ends becasue I will have naturally healthy eating patterns.
Each day is a new chance to find joy and to dance. If you let it pass or think it useless, the chance is gone and you'll never get it back. When was the last time you played? Or just did something for the sheer fun of it? Joy is not found in the world around you, it's within yourself. You can make your own joy, especially during those dark times when you need to really feel alive again. Fun and play are healthy antidotes to taking life--and ourselves--too seriously. They're proven boosters of immune systems and mental health and make life worth the trouble. So do the twist. Sing in the shower. Learn a magic trick. Watch a cartoon. Challenge some kids to a game. Don't let a single day go to waste.
This blog is as much about getting my life i order as it is about getting my weight and health issues in order
But back to my weight and health issues.
I have decided to keep on with the Movicol even though the acute issue has been resolved. I am also seriously considering adding something like Activia to my daily diet as a preventative measure.
Yesterday I said I wasn't going to exercise - but in the end I did. I did 30 minutes free stepping watching the tv last night.
I didnt put out a buffet for last nights MH so food went better but I still did some snacking BUT I WAS hungry when I ate.
But being honest food didn't go brilliantly. Being brutally honest I feel this 90 day session is a bust - but I am NOT GIVING UP.
The difference between 'try' amd 'triumph' is a bit of 'umph' so I am kicking myself up the backside mentally and telling myself to give it some umph.
I need to believe I CAN lose weight. There is another area of my life where I need to beleive I can do something .
There is an obvious theme here - I still haven't dealt with the self image issues that have plagued me for so long.
Right lets look at what I am doing well
I am exercising - even when I say I won't I do
I am eating smaller meals
I am drinking more water
I am eating slower
I do think what I really want before I eat
Crisps used to be a very regular part of my diet - 3 packets a day sometimes. Now they are a treat.
Because I am more aware of what I want to eat I am paying more attentio to texture whihc means I have to cook more pften to get what I want. And O cook healthier meals
At my heaviest I weighed over 16 and a half stone. I have gone from that weight (many years ago now) to 14 stone -( via about 10 stone. It would be nice to get back around 10st. ) So I CAN lose weight . I can do this and I can do it in a way that means I wont put wieght back on the moment the diet ends becasue I will have naturally healthy eating patterns.
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Day 31
I have a new follower for this blog! I know Sharon is still reading it but its good to have someone else reading and commenting.
I feel 'blah' this morning and haven't put the wii fit on . I still need movicol and probably should have taken a dose last night but didnt. I suppose it isn't too surprising that my IBS seems to have come into a full on attack after the stress of the past month,
We had more 'party food' last night - but again I didnt stuff myself silly. I havne't had ay biscuits at all though. If I have a craving at the moment it is for savoury food.
So yesterday food went OK, and I moved my body a lot. Work was very busy. I suspect I put weight on during the past month as much because I wasnt at work - so was a lot less active - than because I was comfort eating.
Having read 'New me' I have to admit that I have a huge problem 'seeing' myself thin. I've been told all my life I am fat so I know that's not surprising.
But my main goal is GOOD HEALTH not weight loss and I can see myself as healthy in years to come. I can viusalise that perfectly well.
So I am NOT giving up in my 90 day experiment. I still beleive I can be less than 14st for Xmas.
I feel 'blah' this morning and haven't put the wii fit on . I still need movicol and probably should have taken a dose last night but didnt. I suppose it isn't too surprising that my IBS seems to have come into a full on attack after the stress of the past month,
We had more 'party food' last night - but again I didnt stuff myself silly. I havne't had ay biscuits at all though. If I have a craving at the moment it is for savoury food.
So yesterday food went OK, and I moved my body a lot. Work was very busy. I suspect I put weight on during the past month as much because I wasnt at work - so was a lot less active - than because I was comfort eating.
Having read 'New me' I have to admit that I have a huge problem 'seeing' myself thin. I've been told all my life I am fat so I know that's not surprising.
But my main goal is GOOD HEALTH not weight loss and I can see myself as healthy in years to come. I can viusalise that perfectly well.
So I am NOT giving up in my 90 day experiment. I still beleive I can be less than 14st for Xmas.
Monday, 26 October 2009
Day 30
I have done 30 minutes free stepping this morning - watching the recording of MHL from last night. I was NEVER going to make it to midnight.
the movicol is finally having an effect.
Food yesterday was iffy. I sobotaged myself in a way by setting out a mini buffet for us to during MHL. But I didn't go overboard and ate less than I usually would. I certainly didn't stuff myself the way I would have done pre Paul's programme.
But my proper meals during the day were small - MUCH smaller than I used to eat. The effect of Paul's programme is that I am eating less than I used to - and that has GOT to be good.
Oh and the biscuit barrel is still empty
I am looking foreward to work as well and that is always a good sign.
I really DO feel in control of my life at the moment.
the movicol is finally having an effect.
Food yesterday was iffy. I sobotaged myself in a way by setting out a mini buffet for us to during MHL. But I didn't go overboard and ate less than I usually would. I certainly didn't stuff myself the way I would have done pre Paul's programme.
But my proper meals during the day were small - MUCH smaller than I used to eat. The effect of Paul's programme is that I am eating less than I used to - and that has GOT to be good.
Oh and the biscuit barrel is still empty
I am looking foreward to work as well and that is always a good sign.
I really DO feel in control of my life at the moment.
Sunday, 25 October 2009
Day 29
Nearly a third of the way through and yesterday my me time in town went well went well
I didnt eat before I went out but I did nibble a cereal bar on the train on the way into town
I had a cup of coffee and a piece of cake in town - eaten slowly
I went to a restaurant for lunch ad a pack of sandwiches and a mince pie. I ate one of the sandwiches and decided I didnt want the others (It was cut into 4) but DID want the mince pie which I ate
When I got home I had a drink and a toasted tea cake with honey
A bit later on I had a piece of bread and butter
Dinner was a chinese takeaway and I ate just under half of mine after Tony and I shared a starter of spare ribs
I had some fruit and quite late on I DID have biscuits. We had a drink and I was hungry and decided I wanted a biscuit. So I had one - just one. Then a little later on I had another one - and the biscuit barrell was empty
This morning I have had breakfasty - but do still feel hungry.
I didnt use the wii fit yesterday but walked MILES round town.
I will use the wii fit today
I bought clothes yesterday and although the site of myself in the changing room mirrors didn't cheer me up I know part of how I saw myself comes from the fact that I feel bloated due to the constipation. Next stop Movicol again :-(
I can tell from the way my trousers fitted yesterday that I have NOT put on masses of weight. I have no reason to panic. I just need to stick to the rules
Eat when I am hungry
Eat what I want
Eat slowly
Stop before I am full
I didnt eat before I went out but I did nibble a cereal bar on the train on the way into town
I had a cup of coffee and a piece of cake in town - eaten slowly
I went to a restaurant for lunch ad a pack of sandwiches and a mince pie. I ate one of the sandwiches and decided I didnt want the others (It was cut into 4) but DID want the mince pie which I ate
When I got home I had a drink and a toasted tea cake with honey
A bit later on I had a piece of bread and butter
Dinner was a chinese takeaway and I ate just under half of mine after Tony and I shared a starter of spare ribs
I had some fruit and quite late on I DID have biscuits. We had a drink and I was hungry and decided I wanted a biscuit. So I had one - just one. Then a little later on I had another one - and the biscuit barrell was empty
This morning I have had breakfasty - but do still feel hungry.
I didnt use the wii fit yesterday but walked MILES round town.
I will use the wii fit today
I bought clothes yesterday and although the site of myself in the changing room mirrors didn't cheer me up I know part of how I saw myself comes from the fact that I feel bloated due to the constipation. Next stop Movicol again :-(
I can tell from the way my trousers fitted yesterday that I have NOT put on masses of weight. I have no reason to panic. I just need to stick to the rules
Eat when I am hungry
Eat what I want
Eat slowly
Stop before I am full
Saturday, 24 October 2009
Day 28
Its NOT going well.
Yesterday the wii fit asked me 'What do you think you weigh' I put in 13 stone 10 lbs knowing I was underestimating. The repsonse was ' Thats very different to what my information' so I reckon I have out on a load of weight.
Does this mean I abandon Pauls system NO IT DOES NOT
Not only have I had a biscuit fixation over the last month with all the upset about Edna but not being at work I didnt move around much. Add in that my IBS is causing problems and that I am back on Movicol - well nothing is insoluble
I have over SIXTY DAYS to the end of the 90. And now I am back at work I will be moving much MUCH more. I CAN STILL END 2009 WIEGHING LESS THAN 14 STONE
I was upset last night when I realised what had happeened but this morning I feel determined.
Yesterday I had a major triumph. I did not have ONE SINGLE BISCUIT FROM THE BARREL. I didnt WANT biscuits.
Rule 1 when you are hungry eat - all too often I am eating when I am not truly hungry.
Rule 2 eat what you want - too often I am eating what is convenient. I reach for a biscuit becasue it IS convenient but becasue it isn't what I really WANT it doesn't quite hit the spot so I reach for another one. I need to keep in a bigger variety of healthy snack foods
Today I am going to have some ME time. I am going into town to do some shopping, and I am going to treat myself to some new clothes. Probably some shoes and handbags too. I am aslo going to do form Xmas shopping. But basically I am just going to enjoy myslef doign what I want in my own time.
And tonight is the first night of 8 (yes eight!) nights of Most Haunted Live woohoo.
I should be depressed about my weight gain - but I'm not. The fact that I suspect some of it is due to bowel misfunction may be an excuse . Part of my mind is saying 'solve the bowel problem and it will turn out you haven't put on much weight' That may not be the case - but I am sure I have NOT put on nearly a stone since I my last weigh in.
I can forgive myself for not doing as well as I wanted during the past few weeks of turmoil. If I ended up with emotional eating who would be surprised or even think I was a failure.
I am still on an emotional roller coaster as I adapt to my new freedom. I have to allow for that.
But I am in control of my life, my future and my health. I will get over this blip
I WILL GET DOWN BELOW 14 STONE
Yesterday the wii fit asked me 'What do you think you weigh' I put in 13 stone 10 lbs knowing I was underestimating. The repsonse was ' Thats very different to what my information' so I reckon I have out on a load of weight.
Does this mean I abandon Pauls system NO IT DOES NOT
Not only have I had a biscuit fixation over the last month with all the upset about Edna but not being at work I didnt move around much. Add in that my IBS is causing problems and that I am back on Movicol - well nothing is insoluble
I have over SIXTY DAYS to the end of the 90. And now I am back at work I will be moving much MUCH more. I CAN STILL END 2009 WIEGHING LESS THAN 14 STONE
I was upset last night when I realised what had happeened but this morning I feel determined.
Yesterday I had a major triumph. I did not have ONE SINGLE BISCUIT FROM THE BARREL. I didnt WANT biscuits.
Rule 1 when you are hungry eat - all too often I am eating when I am not truly hungry.
Rule 2 eat what you want - too often I am eating what is convenient. I reach for a biscuit becasue it IS convenient but becasue it isn't what I really WANT it doesn't quite hit the spot so I reach for another one. I need to keep in a bigger variety of healthy snack foods
Today I am going to have some ME time. I am going into town to do some shopping, and I am going to treat myself to some new clothes. Probably some shoes and handbags too. I am aslo going to do form Xmas shopping. But basically I am just going to enjoy myslef doign what I want in my own time.
And tonight is the first night of 8 (yes eight!) nights of Most Haunted Live woohoo.
I should be depressed about my weight gain - but I'm not. The fact that I suspect some of it is due to bowel misfunction may be an excuse . Part of my mind is saying 'solve the bowel problem and it will turn out you haven't put on much weight' That may not be the case - but I am sure I have NOT put on nearly a stone since I my last weigh in.
I can forgive myself for not doing as well as I wanted during the past few weeks of turmoil. If I ended up with emotional eating who would be surprised or even think I was a failure.
I am still on an emotional roller coaster as I adapt to my new freedom. I have to allow for that.
But I am in control of my life, my future and my health. I will get over this blip
I WILL GET DOWN BELOW 14 STONE
Friday, 23 October 2009
Day 27
Blogger was down this morning so I couldn't post anything. However better late than never
I did a short workput this morning - step plus and some muscle exercises. I should do some more tonight but I am tired. Tony canceled the game - and to be honest I am quite pleased. I have got through work OK but there is no dount I am still lacking stamina.
I came to the conclusion this morning that I need to look at bad eating habits as just that. habits that can be changed. So I am concentrating on my 'biscuits with a drink' habit. So far tonight two drinks and no sign of the biscuit tin. I did have a cereal bar with my first drink .
I ate dinner slowish - and I cooked for us despite feeling tired. Dinner was smallish too. A bowl of pasta with home made sauce. I had a pear for desert. I am hungry again - but not sure if it is real hunger or not. But I haven't gone for the biscuit barrel. So I do feel that is some sort of success.
I did have some biscuits at work - but I was hungry when I had them and really fancied them.
I may just put the wii fit on on in a bit and do some free stepping. THEN see if I still feel hungry
I did a short workput this morning - step plus and some muscle exercises. I should do some more tonight but I am tired. Tony canceled the game - and to be honest I am quite pleased. I have got through work OK but there is no dount I am still lacking stamina.
I came to the conclusion this morning that I need to look at bad eating habits as just that. habits that can be changed. So I am concentrating on my 'biscuits with a drink' habit. So far tonight two drinks and no sign of the biscuit tin. I did have a cereal bar with my first drink .
I ate dinner slowish - and I cooked for us despite feeling tired. Dinner was smallish too. A bowl of pasta with home made sauce. I had a pear for desert. I am hungry again - but not sure if it is real hunger or not. But I haven't gone for the biscuit barrel. So I do feel that is some sort of success.
I did have some biscuits at work - but I was hungry when I had them and really fancied them.
I may just put the wii fit on on in a bit and do some free stepping. THEN see if I still feel hungry
Thursday, 22 October 2009
Day 26
I managed 20 minutes of free stepping last night so I certainly moved my body yesterday with over 40 minutes on the wii fot as well as all the working I do at work. Also I ended up working an extra half hour yesterday.
Food went well until I got home. I really MUST deal with my biscuit habit.
This morning I listened to 'Overcome emotional eating' which incorporates a lot of CYLI7D.
I have done 10 minutes free step and an Island jog woo hoo. 11 minutes and burn rate of 247%. Considering I deliberately took it easy I am very pleased. I am delighted I actually managed to jog for 11 minutes quite easily.
I feel my stamina is coming back. I had no doubts about volunteering for the extra half hour at work after a computer failure left total chaos.
Tonight I am going to the local branch meeting - and now I am not having to take time out to deal with Edna I feel much less guilty about taking an eveing away from Tony - and it will be great to catch up with old QE friends.
I am quietly confident that things are going the right way generally - and hopefully that will get translated into some weight loss
Food went well until I got home. I really MUST deal with my biscuit habit.
This morning I listened to 'Overcome emotional eating' which incorporates a lot of CYLI7D.
I have done 10 minutes free step and an Island jog woo hoo. 11 minutes and burn rate of 247%. Considering I deliberately took it easy I am very pleased. I am delighted I actually managed to jog for 11 minutes quite easily.
I feel my stamina is coming back. I had no doubts about volunteering for the extra half hour at work after a computer failure left total chaos.
Tonight I am going to the local branch meeting - and now I am not having to take time out to deal with Edna I feel much less guilty about taking an eveing away from Tony - and it will be great to catch up with old QE friends.
I am quietly confident that things are going the right way generally - and hopefully that will get translated into some weight loss
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
Day 25
How many times are we blind to the good in front of us because we're looking past it for something better? It's like watching the railroad track your entire life, waiting for a train to come in and never realizing that you're sitting smack in the middle of the splendid Grand Central Station. Take a second look at your goals. Are they building on the good already in your life? Are you taking full advantage of the strengths you already have? Is it worth giving up what you have for what you might have? In many cases, the answer is yes. To that we say "Go for it!" with all the enthusiasm we can muster. Those are the meaningful goals. If the answer is no, try reworking your goals to include ones that complement your present life rather than substitute for it. Whatever the answer is for you, we could all use a little more appreciation for the pieces of silver in our lives.
Spark people as ever bang on the mark. I think my goals ARE building on the good in my life.....but it is always good to be prompted to think and review things.
Yetsreday went well for food and exercise - although I am disappointed that last night when I clocked up a cumulative total of 100 hours on the wii fit I didnt get a fanfare!
Food was not brilliant but was OK. I didnt eat dinner as slowly as I should have done. I still have the problem that I start well early in the day and it all goes to pot when I get home from work. But I am tired, and still very emotionally fragile. Anthony sent me the text of the service last night and I ended up in tears again. And we also went to her flat last night to do the last bits of clearing up.
I need to contact a lot of people again to sort out issues with the estate. I want to write to people but with a 2 day postal strike starting tomorrow I may have to make some phone calls instead - and as one of the calls will be to nPower................
I've made a good start today.I've clocked up just under 20 minutes on the wii fit (step plus and muscle workouts) I've emptied the dishwasher and will put some laundry in to wash before I got to work. Disappointingly I have had breakfast and still feel hungry. It must be emotional - but I don't have the reserves to deal with the emotion so I am sure I will end up eating
I am coping with work OK although still very tired. At the moment all that is keeping me going is the thought of a week of Most Haunted Live starting on Saturday. OK I will be tired but who cares. And of coure the holiday.
I MUST mention the ridiculous situation I am in with my agency. They have requested my degree certificate. and I dont have a clue where it is. At the moment I dont have the energy to try and find it - although maybe the sorting out I will do to find it will be useful. I am so angry about it becasue it is a piece of bureaucratic nonsense. The only way to be registered with the RPSGB is to have passed a degree. Why the f**k do the agency need to see my degree certificate? I suppose I can understand why in one way - but it doesn't say a lot for their opinion of the Pharm Socs processes. Last nght my FP status ranted about this and said if they insisted I woull be happy to leave the agency and look for other work streams. The thought hadn't been in my mind before that - and it was a bit of bravado on my part. I am now wondering if there is a grain of truth in it and maybe at the time of HUGE change I am being given a sign that my time with the agency is over. Yesterday I also founf myself wondering if my mobile contract was a waste now I no longer have to ring Edna or ring people on her behalf. The thought came to me that I may need it for business purposes. I saw yself ringing local community pharmacies to see if they want a locum. And that was before my FB rant. I need to think and meditate
Spark people as ever bang on the mark. I think my goals ARE building on the good in my life.....but it is always good to be prompted to think and review things.
Yetsreday went well for food and exercise - although I am disappointed that last night when I clocked up a cumulative total of 100 hours on the wii fit I didnt get a fanfare!
Food was not brilliant but was OK. I didnt eat dinner as slowly as I should have done. I still have the problem that I start well early in the day and it all goes to pot when I get home from work. But I am tired, and still very emotionally fragile. Anthony sent me the text of the service last night and I ended up in tears again. And we also went to her flat last night to do the last bits of clearing up.
I need to contact a lot of people again to sort out issues with the estate. I want to write to people but with a 2 day postal strike starting tomorrow I may have to make some phone calls instead - and as one of the calls will be to nPower................
I've made a good start today.I've clocked up just under 20 minutes on the wii fit (step plus and muscle workouts) I've emptied the dishwasher and will put some laundry in to wash before I got to work. Disappointingly I have had breakfast and still feel hungry. It must be emotional - but I don't have the reserves to deal with the emotion so I am sure I will end up eating
I am coping with work OK although still very tired. At the moment all that is keeping me going is the thought of a week of Most Haunted Live starting on Saturday. OK I will be tired but who cares. And of coure the holiday.
I MUST mention the ridiculous situation I am in with my agency. They have requested my degree certificate. and I dont have a clue where it is. At the moment I dont have the energy to try and find it - although maybe the sorting out I will do to find it will be useful. I am so angry about it becasue it is a piece of bureaucratic nonsense. The only way to be registered with the RPSGB is to have passed a degree. Why the f**k do the agency need to see my degree certificate? I suppose I can understand why in one way - but it doesn't say a lot for their opinion of the Pharm Socs processes. Last nght my FP status ranted about this and said if they insisted I woull be happy to leave the agency and look for other work streams. The thought hadn't been in my mind before that - and it was a bit of bravado on my part. I am now wondering if there is a grain of truth in it and maybe at the time of HUGE change I am being given a sign that my time with the agency is over. Yesterday I also founf myself wondering if my mobile contract was a waste now I no longer have to ring Edna or ring people on her behalf. The thought came to me that I may need it for business purposes. I saw yself ringing local community pharmacies to see if they want a locum. And that was before my FB rant. I need to think and meditate
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
Day 24
The Wisdom of Listening
One common trait to nearly every good leader is the art of listening. Many times, the best leaders can be among the quietest in the room. They know their time is well spent in hearing new perspectives, ideas, and thoughts. It's how they grow personally and build visions. The wisest leaders know that hearing themselves talk is no way to build trust and goodwill. You can do the same thing. When a friend needs to talk, resist the urge to give advice right away and just listen. Ask questions, and really try to understand the answer. When a customer calls, don't say a word about your product until you fully know their needs. When your spouse is hurting, it's not the time to prove that you were right. Over time, you can develop that leader-like sense of when to open your mouth and when to keep it clamped firmly shut.
I think I am a good listener. But I am putting this reflection in anyway. Maybe I am being too mystical is believing these reflections are sometimes a direct message to me. But then again maybe not. I beleive this one is an affirmation that I am a good listener, a pointer to the fact that my listening and intuition are skills I am going to need in the future, and a warning not to be complacent about my listening skills.
Yetsreday went OK but I was SO tired when I got home from work. Dinner was 2 ready meals. We didnt cancel the game - but I was glad when it ended before 10. Robert was almost as tired as me.
Food went OK. I was back at work so had no time to snack. I didnt eat dinner as slowly as I should - but to be honest I didnt cook the dinner properly so it wasnt as nice it should have been. I drank plenty of water as well.
Vee (another locum at RHH) was one of the few people who knew why I had been absent and he commented I must have had a rough time becasue I had lost weight. I dont see it myself but I am cheered that someone else thinks I have lost weight.
I got up when the alarm went off (always a god sign) and I have used the wii fit this morning. I did 2 x step plus and 8 minuyes of boxing. I have decided I can do some free step tonight. I feel good that I have got back to some cardio - and my score was reasonable too. Only 17 points off avoiding the sneering 'I know you can do better than that' comment.
I have drunk water and coffee this morning. I am hungry so my next move will be breakfast when I can decide what I want.
I am acutely aware that I am over a quarter of the way through the 90 days and wondering how I am doing. When my Wii fit plus arrives I will no doubt have to do a body test to set it up. I am not going to worry about it until then. In the meantime I will do my best to stick to Paul's rules.
Rachel rang us last night and we have properly swapped addresses phone numbers and e-mail addresses. I have a good feeling about this new friendship. I am sure Edna would be delighted about it.
One common trait to nearly every good leader is the art of listening. Many times, the best leaders can be among the quietest in the room. They know their time is well spent in hearing new perspectives, ideas, and thoughts. It's how they grow personally and build visions. The wisest leaders know that hearing themselves talk is no way to build trust and goodwill. You can do the same thing. When a friend needs to talk, resist the urge to give advice right away and just listen. Ask questions, and really try to understand the answer. When a customer calls, don't say a word about your product until you fully know their needs. When your spouse is hurting, it's not the time to prove that you were right. Over time, you can develop that leader-like sense of when to open your mouth and when to keep it clamped firmly shut.
I think I am a good listener. But I am putting this reflection in anyway. Maybe I am being too mystical is believing these reflections are sometimes a direct message to me. But then again maybe not. I beleive this one is an affirmation that I am a good listener, a pointer to the fact that my listening and intuition are skills I am going to need in the future, and a warning not to be complacent about my listening skills.
Yetsreday went OK but I was SO tired when I got home from work. Dinner was 2 ready meals. We didnt cancel the game - but I was glad when it ended before 10. Robert was almost as tired as me.
Food went OK. I was back at work so had no time to snack. I didnt eat dinner as slowly as I should - but to be honest I didnt cook the dinner properly so it wasnt as nice it should have been. I drank plenty of water as well.
Vee (another locum at RHH) was one of the few people who knew why I had been absent and he commented I must have had a rough time becasue I had lost weight. I dont see it myself but I am cheered that someone else thinks I have lost weight.
I got up when the alarm went off (always a god sign) and I have used the wii fit this morning. I did 2 x step plus and 8 minuyes of boxing. I have decided I can do some free step tonight. I feel good that I have got back to some cardio - and my score was reasonable too. Only 17 points off avoiding the sneering 'I know you can do better than that' comment.
I have drunk water and coffee this morning. I am hungry so my next move will be breakfast when I can decide what I want.
I am acutely aware that I am over a quarter of the way through the 90 days and wondering how I am doing. When my Wii fit plus arrives I will no doubt have to do a body test to set it up. I am not going to worry about it until then. In the meantime I will do my best to stick to Paul's rules.
Rachel rang us last night and we have properly swapped addresses phone numbers and e-mail addresses. I have a good feeling about this new friendship. I am sure Edna would be delighted about it.
Monday, 19 October 2009
Day 23 back to work
So far so good.
I got up when the alarm went off
I emptied the dishwasher
I did a 30 minutes workout!!! 10 minutes step plus, 8 minutes muscle, 2 minutes jogging (!) and 10 minutes free step. I decided 30 minutes of moving my body was more important than aiming straingt for a 10 10 10 routine. I managed 30 minutes of moving my body.
I am eating breakfast slowly.
I am drinking water
I am apprehensive about going back to work but looking forward to it at the same time. It will be great to back to normality - but I am unsure how well I will cope.
I have plenty of time left for meditation and maybe even doing the shopping on the way to work rtaher than on the way home - but that is probably a bit of a long shot.
Oh and I am sitting here with only 1 light and the laptop on listening to the breakfast news and able to flip to the picture if I want to watch the item. So I am still being green.
I still haven't quite grasped that I have a new life in front of me now Edna has gone. I am facing massive changes again. But I have confidence in myself, confidence in my relationship with Tony (we had a fabulous day yesterday :-) ) and confidence I will cope with whatever life throws at me
I got up when the alarm went off
I emptied the dishwasher
I did a 30 minutes workout!!! 10 minutes step plus, 8 minutes muscle, 2 minutes jogging (!) and 10 minutes free step. I decided 30 minutes of moving my body was more important than aiming straingt for a 10 10 10 routine. I managed 30 minutes of moving my body.
I am eating breakfast slowly.
I am drinking water
I am apprehensive about going back to work but looking forward to it at the same time. It will be great to back to normality - but I am unsure how well I will cope.
I have plenty of time left for meditation and maybe even doing the shopping on the way to work rtaher than on the way home - but that is probably a bit of a long shot.
Oh and I am sitting here with only 1 light and the laptop on listening to the breakfast news and able to flip to the picture if I want to watch the item. So I am still being green.
I still haven't quite grasped that I have a new life in front of me now Edna has gone. I am facing massive changes again. But I have confidence in myself, confidence in my relationship with Tony (we had a fabulous day yesterday :-) ) and confidence I will cope with whatever life throws at me
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Day 22
I didn't make an entry yesterday. In fact I didnt do much yestreday at all apart from chill and watch TV.
Today I feel MUCH better MUCH more positive.
I have cleaned the ktichen, done 20 minutes on the wii fit, done a fantastic meditation session.drunk plenty of water, eaten breakfast slowly and generally feel I have got off to a good start. I am loooking forward to work tomorrow and feel in control of things.
In short I feel POSITIVE.
Today I feel MUCH better MUCH more positive.
I have cleaned the ktichen, done 20 minutes on the wii fit, done a fantastic meditation session.drunk plenty of water, eaten breakfast slowly and generally feel I have got off to a good start. I am loooking forward to work tomorrow and feel in control of things.
In short I feel POSITIVE.
Friday, 16 October 2009
After the funeral
Its over. We survived although I broke during my reading. Everyone seemed to feel the tone was right .
We got an really well with Bill (Doug's nephew) and Rachel and Amy (Kieith's daughter and grandaughter . Keith is June's brother , and Edna's nephew through Sylvia)
Steve is interested to get to know this new layer of his family and wants to go to Evesham to talk to Bill and see his photo's. Rachel is into the paranormal and also has lots of photo's so the intention is to go and visit her at some point, sort out some photo's and identify who they are, and do some ghost hunting at the same time as they are close to a location used by the MH team.
As they are on FB it is going to be easy to keep in touch.
I did do 20 minutes free stepping. I couldn't face much food but now the funeral is over my stomach has settled so I have eaten cake and biscuits and am looking forward to kasagne and baked spud which is currently in the oven
I am exhausted tho.
We got an really well with Bill (Doug's nephew) and Rachel and Amy (Kieith's daughter and grandaughter . Keith is June's brother , and Edna's nephew through Sylvia)
Steve is interested to get to know this new layer of his family and wants to go to Evesham to talk to Bill and see his photo's. Rachel is into the paranormal and also has lots of photo's so the intention is to go and visit her at some point, sort out some photo's and identify who they are, and do some ghost hunting at the same time as they are close to a location used by the MH team.
As they are on FB it is going to be easy to keep in touch.
I did do 20 minutes free stepping. I couldn't face much food but now the funeral is over my stomach has settled so I have eaten cake and biscuits and am looking forward to kasagne and baked spud which is currently in the oven
I am exhausted tho.
Day 20 - the funeral
I can't really focus on anything else today except the funeral. I probably will do some exercise, I probably wont OD on unhealthy food. I will almost certainly NOT eat slowly enough - I never really do. In 10 hours the funeral will be over. Tomorrow I can start to get my life back on track
Thursday, 15 October 2009
Day 19 - getting back on track
I like this idea!
Commercial Exercise Breaks
In the 1960s, the average 60-minute television show had about nine minutes of commercials. Today, that has doubled to 18 minutes. Some half-hour shows can have as many as 12 minutes of commercials. Think of how you can constructively use that time to fit more fitness into your day--instead of flipping between other shows. If you exercised during commercials while watching TV for about 2 hours, it would add up to more than 30 minutes a day!
Whether you choose cardio, flexibility, or strength exercises, you're getting a lot accomplished!
Thank you sparkpeople. Sadly a lot of what we watch is recorded so we wihizz through the breaks but I will still give this a go and see how much I can accomplish.
Today has started well. I got up at 6.30 when the alarm went off. After feeding the cats and dealing with the dishwasher the wii fit went on. I wasn't too impressed with the results and it was only 20 minutes (aerobic and yoga) and I was horrified by my lack of balance and strength.......but I still did it.
I am now eating my breakfast slowly and gave already drunk plenty of water. I actually dont have to go anywhere today so I am going to concentrate on paperwork. I may CHOOSE to go out at some point - but it WILL be MY choice.
I ate fairly healthily yesterday. Not brilliant and I ate too many biscuits but it was OK. I still feel under the circumstances I am entitled to feel quite proud of myself.
I still have self image issues. I don't feel I am fat failure but I feel like an overweight underachiever.
Commercial Exercise Breaks
In the 1960s, the average 60-minute television show had about nine minutes of commercials. Today, that has doubled to 18 minutes. Some half-hour shows can have as many as 12 minutes of commercials. Think of how you can constructively use that time to fit more fitness into your day--instead of flipping between other shows. If you exercised during commercials while watching TV for about 2 hours, it would add up to more than 30 minutes a day!
Whether you choose cardio, flexibility, or strength exercises, you're getting a lot accomplished!
Thank you sparkpeople. Sadly a lot of what we watch is recorded so we wihizz through the breaks but I will still give this a go and see how much I can accomplish.
Today has started well. I got up at 6.30 when the alarm went off. After feeding the cats and dealing with the dishwasher the wii fit went on. I wasn't too impressed with the results and it was only 20 minutes (aerobic and yoga) and I was horrified by my lack of balance and strength.......but I still did it.
I am now eating my breakfast slowly and gave already drunk plenty of water. I actually dont have to go anywhere today so I am going to concentrate on paperwork. I may CHOOSE to go out at some point - but it WILL be MY choice.
I ate fairly healthily yesterday. Not brilliant and I ate too many biscuits but it was OK. I still feel under the circumstances I am entitled to feel quite proud of myself.
I still have self image issues. I don't feel I am fat failure but I feel like an overweight underachiever.
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Day 18
I am trying I really am. But at the moment the funeral and all the clearing up of Edna's flat and her estate is is sapping my strength and energy.
I am going back to work net week and if I am honest I am not sure how I am going to cope.
I couldn't face the wii fit yesterday. I haven't switched it on yet this morning. I am getting the wii fit plus to see if that increases my motivation.
I have just eaten a bowl of porridge - probably too fast and am still hungry so I am doing myself two pieces of toast. I will try to eat them slowly.
I have a HUGE self image issue at the moment. I feel like a failure which I know I am not. I MUST go back to CYLI7D basics and bolster myself.
I WILL turn on the wii fit before I go out this morning
I am going back to work net week and if I am honest I am not sure how I am going to cope.
I couldn't face the wii fit yesterday. I haven't switched it on yet this morning. I am getting the wii fit plus to see if that increases my motivation.
I have just eaten a bowl of porridge - probably too fast and am still hungry so I am doing myself two pieces of toast. I will try to eat them slowly.
I have a HUGE self image issue at the moment. I feel like a failure which I know I am not. I MUST go back to CYLI7D basics and bolster myself.
I WILL turn on the wii fit before I go out this morning
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
Day 17
Time to get back on track with blogging, food and everything else. I wont be back at work until next week.
I am still very tired today. I did NOT jump up when the alarm went off. Its 7.45 now ans I am sitting here having just fed the cats, with a cup of coffee, feeling a bit hungry staring at the wii fit. I am also sittting here in accordance with my new scheme to reduce CO2 emmissions. I only have one light on instead of 3 and the TV is not on. I have the news playing in the background on the laptop so I can hear it - and flip across if I want to watch something.
I dont know what I am going to have for breakfast yet. I don't know if I am going to turn the wii fit on. I do know I will be getting exercise at Edna's flat and moving stuff to a charity shop. I also need to pop over to the duneral home with her clothes and the music . I have to get the card back to the flower shop and we need some normal shopping. We are almost out of fruit.
I don't think I NEED the wii fit today. I dont have much energy to use it at the moment. Today I am going to concentrate on the 4 golden rules of eating. Try to get back into a normal pattern.
I am still very tired today. I did NOT jump up when the alarm went off. Its 7.45 now ans I am sitting here having just fed the cats, with a cup of coffee, feeling a bit hungry staring at the wii fit. I am also sittting here in accordance with my new scheme to reduce CO2 emmissions. I only have one light on instead of 3 and the TV is not on. I have the news playing in the background on the laptop so I can hear it - and flip across if I want to watch something.
I dont know what I am going to have for breakfast yet. I don't know if I am going to turn the wii fit on. I do know I will be getting exercise at Edna's flat and moving stuff to a charity shop. I also need to pop over to the duneral home with her clothes and the music . I have to get the card back to the flower shop and we need some normal shopping. We are almost out of fruit.
I don't think I NEED the wii fit today. I dont have much energy to use it at the moment. Today I am going to concentrate on the 4 golden rules of eating. Try to get back into a normal pattern.
Monday, 12 October 2009
Day 16
No entry yesterday because I had no internet (shock horror!) I survibed the weekend without ODing on choclate, sweets biscuits or other junk food. In fact because breakfast was a DIY affair I stick to my normal healthy breakfasts rather than the 'full english' I would tend to have when it is being cooked by someone else.
If you had seen the number of steps we climbed round Hay Castle you coilf NOT say I had not 'moved my body' As we walked round Hay yesterday, and today I have wlaked to Northfield and back I have even manged to keep exercise going.
Today I am tired with a capital F K . Lack of sleep, some aspects of the Saturday night and a 70 mile drive can account for that.
But we had a great weekend.
If you had seen the number of steps we climbed round Hay Castle you coilf NOT say I had not 'moved my body' As we walked round Hay yesterday, and today I have wlaked to Northfield and back I have even manged to keep exercise going.
Today I am tired with a capital F K . Lack of sleep, some aspects of the Saturday night and a 70 mile drive can account for that.
But we had a great weekend.
Saturday, 10 October 2009
Day 14
To weigh in or not to weigh in that is the question! I think not. After all my goal is noticeable weight loss by Xmas. If I weigh in on Xmas Eve and discover I have lost a whole 3 or 4 lbs I will be ecstatic. Anything more than that and I will be absolutely delirious with joy. I know I haven't had the best 2 weeks start, I have hardly been at work and that si always challenging.
OK so really how HAVE I done in this first two weeks? Under the circumstances brilliantly. I haven't OD'd on chocolate or crisps. My overall diet is pretty healthy
Breakfast is normally cereal with fruit and yoghurt. Some times (like today) it is toast and marmalade. Lunch has been hit and miss while I have been off work. Cheese and biscuits, cheese on toast, a sandwich. Normally lunch is a sandwich and fruit. Dinners have been more or less normal. I am still not eating slowly enough. My downfall as ever is biscuts with tea and coffee. But I have never gone totally over the top. I havent drunk as much water as I would like because at home there isn't the same imperative. But I did drink water last night at the game.
I have had problem with emotional hunger these two weeks. This is hardly surprising. But I have resistend the chocolate cravings and even gave away almost a whole packet of chocolate biscuits I took into the hospital the day Edna died. I had no iea how long I would be there and took them in to sustain me. I had one and then donated te remainder of the packet to the staff when I left after sorting out the formalities. The old me would hve brought the packet home.
I do have a healthier relationship with food than I used to.
Todays healthy reflection got me thinking
Are you your own obstacle?
Are you trying to stick to a fitness plan, improve a relationship, eliminate fast food from your diet, or be a better parent? Whatever your goal, was there a time when you thought you couldn't do it? This is a natural reaction when things get tough. It's easier to find ways to justify your actions than to get over the hurdle. This week, eliminate the hurdles and barriers you've created. If you find yourself saying, "I can't" or "I don't have time," then re-analyze your goal. If you really want to achieve it, then make the time or take a different approach (get up earlier, stay organized, learn the skills). Find time for you and your goals.
Do I really believe I can lose weight? I'm not sure if I do or not. Certainly this past couple of weeks have left me tired and this susceptible to negative self image. The lack of consistency in exercise and drinking water have disappointed me. But being realistic to keep my health programme in mind at a time like this is an acheivment and I think it shows hw my mindset has changed. Thank you Mr McKenna for giving me the tools to do this.
This weekend we are going on a pyschic development workshop. I am really looking forward to it. It is in Hay Castle and we are making a weekend of it. Driving 70 miles back to Brum when you have had no sleep didn't seem like a good idea so I persuaded Tony to make it a stop over. This weekend is hugely exciting not because I think I am suddenly; going to develop an amazing ability but because Tony is coming (and I did wonder if he would) and I am sure he is going to discover something amazing about himself. I want him to have a WOW moment.
OK so really how HAVE I done in this first two weeks? Under the circumstances brilliantly. I haven't OD'd on chocolate or crisps. My overall diet is pretty healthy
Breakfast is normally cereal with fruit and yoghurt. Some times (like today) it is toast and marmalade. Lunch has been hit and miss while I have been off work. Cheese and biscuits, cheese on toast, a sandwich. Normally lunch is a sandwich and fruit. Dinners have been more or less normal. I am still not eating slowly enough. My downfall as ever is biscuts with tea and coffee. But I have never gone totally over the top. I havent drunk as much water as I would like because at home there isn't the same imperative. But I did drink water last night at the game.
I have had problem with emotional hunger these two weeks. This is hardly surprising. But I have resistend the chocolate cravings and even gave away almost a whole packet of chocolate biscuits I took into the hospital the day Edna died. I had no iea how long I would be there and took them in to sustain me. I had one and then donated te remainder of the packet to the staff when I left after sorting out the formalities. The old me would hve brought the packet home.
I do have a healthier relationship with food than I used to.
Todays healthy reflection got me thinking
Are you your own obstacle?
Are you trying to stick to a fitness plan, improve a relationship, eliminate fast food from your diet, or be a better parent? Whatever your goal, was there a time when you thought you couldn't do it? This is a natural reaction when things get tough. It's easier to find ways to justify your actions than to get over the hurdle. This week, eliminate the hurdles and barriers you've created. If you find yourself saying, "I can't" or "I don't have time," then re-analyze your goal. If you really want to achieve it, then make the time or take a different approach (get up earlier, stay organized, learn the skills). Find time for you and your goals.
Do I really believe I can lose weight? I'm not sure if I do or not. Certainly this past couple of weeks have left me tired and this susceptible to negative self image. The lack of consistency in exercise and drinking water have disappointed me. But being realistic to keep my health programme in mind at a time like this is an acheivment and I think it shows hw my mindset has changed. Thank you Mr McKenna for giving me the tools to do this.
This weekend we are going on a pyschic development workshop. I am really looking forward to it. It is in Hay Castle and we are making a weekend of it. Driving 70 miles back to Brum when you have had no sleep didn't seem like a good idea so I persuaded Tony to make it a stop over. This weekend is hugely exciting not because I think I am suddenly; going to develop an amazing ability but because Tony is coming (and I did wonder if he would) and I am sure he is going to discover something amazing about himself. I want him to have a WOW moment.
Friday, 9 October 2009
Day 13
Food went okish yesterday. I didnt OD on biscuits. I did myself some cheese on toast for lunch and I ate my dinner at about the same speed as Tony. I did go to bed with a snack - but I went to bed very early. I was so tired. I have woken very hungry but can't decide what I want to eat. I am not thinking of turning on the wii fit yet. I may walk up to Northfield today to order flowers for the funeral. I can always use the wii fit later anyway.
I managed a lot yesterday. I cleared some more rubbish out of her flat and have asked Alma to let the other residents in so they can take anything they want from what is left. What doesnt get taken will go to charity. I also bought a new digital camera so we have one that works for the weekend and of course the funeral.
We also arranged the funeral service yesterday. Steve turned up when the minsiter was here so I was able to get his input. To my immense joy he not only liked the bible reading I had found but has agreed he will read it on the day. It means so much to me that he volunteered for that. I will also be reading the poem I found.
Today is going to be a paperwork day. I have 2 requests for death certificates in relation to both her pensions. I also have a letter from nPower to deal with. nPower have done it again. The letter they used to give me details of the money they own Edna (107.00) was on a normal 'chnaging your method of payment letter whihc thanked me for being an nPower customer. They clearly knew what the situation was as the letter was addressed to the executors...........
To say I am angry is putting it mildly. On top of all the trouble we had with them over the Mr Luck affair it is too much. I am writing to people. Steve's face was a picture when I showed him the letter .
I was at one point thinking I might get back to work next week. I know I wont and I am glad I told them not to expect me until the 19th. I am not sleeping well and I am actually wondering if I need to look out my sleeping tablets to get myself back on track. I didnt listen to a trance reack of any sort last night though. I think i do need to keep on with those at the moment for all sorts of reasons. Tony is listenign to Tony Stockwell and has noticed he sleeps much better. Drugs are not always the answer. I need to take repsonsibility for my health in this area. My mind is overactive at the moment. So I need to act on the things I am thinking about not just think about them.
I managed a lot yesterday. I cleared some more rubbish out of her flat and have asked Alma to let the other residents in so they can take anything they want from what is left. What doesnt get taken will go to charity. I also bought a new digital camera so we have one that works for the weekend and of course the funeral.
We also arranged the funeral service yesterday. Steve turned up when the minsiter was here so I was able to get his input. To my immense joy he not only liked the bible reading I had found but has agreed he will read it on the day. It means so much to me that he volunteered for that. I will also be reading the poem I found.
Today is going to be a paperwork day. I have 2 requests for death certificates in relation to both her pensions. I also have a letter from nPower to deal with. nPower have done it again. The letter they used to give me details of the money they own Edna (107.00) was on a normal 'chnaging your method of payment letter whihc thanked me for being an nPower customer. They clearly knew what the situation was as the letter was addressed to the executors...........
To say I am angry is putting it mildly. On top of all the trouble we had with them over the Mr Luck affair it is too much. I am writing to people. Steve's face was a picture when I showed him the letter .
I was at one point thinking I might get back to work next week. I know I wont and I am glad I told them not to expect me until the 19th. I am not sleeping well and I am actually wondering if I need to look out my sleeping tablets to get myself back on track. I didnt listen to a trance reack of any sort last night though. I think i do need to keep on with those at the moment for all sorts of reasons. Tony is listenign to Tony Stockwell and has noticed he sleeps much better. Drugs are not always the answer. I need to take repsonsibility for my health in this area. My mind is overactive at the moment. So I need to act on the things I am thinking about not just think about them.
Thursday, 8 October 2009
Day 12
Don't waste your energy on worrying
Too many of us worry about things that we cannot change. Although worrying gives you something to focus on, there are more productive ways to spend your time. Instead of worrying about the things you cannot control, remind yourself that worrying doesn't bring change. If it is a situation that you can control, then there is no reason to worry! Find a solution and spend your energy fulfilling it. If nothing else, just talk to someone about your concerns. Getting them out in the open tends to help put your mind at ease.
How Reiki is that reflection? And how apt for me at the moment. I do have control of the things to do with the funeral and the estate. But I need to remind myself I dont have to do it all at one go. I probably do need to talk to someone - but I may get tat chance today as Anthony Howe the minister from the crematorium is coming round this afternoon.
Yesterday was a day of emotional eating so last night I put on the emotional eating track. I went right under and only woke at the final countback. Rightly or wrongly I feel that is a sign I absorbed more of the message.
This morning I managed a 30 minute workout. Step plus twice , a short jog some muscle excercises and 10 minutes of free step.I have decided the missle 10 minutes doesn't have to be cardia and maybe I will vary it more.
Although I didnt use the Wii fit yesterday the 2 hours we spent clearing Edna's flat was quite tiring. I have to say I slept fairly well last night.
I have big plans for today - but I'm not sure how much I will actually do.
Yesterday Alma reminded me abou Bill ,Dougs nephew, who still kept in touch with Edna. I managed to contact him and he is coming to the funeral. Tony has agreed to take photo's. I am detrmined that Les and June will be able to see something even though they can't actually be there. The digital camera has gon phut so I am going to treat us to a new one. That is definite plan to for today.
Breakfast was two pieces of peanut butter toast and I am NOT going to finish them both. First time in days I have felt like that. I hope that is a sign things are turning round for me
I have a decsion to make in 2 days time. Am I going to take a body test and weigh myself?
Too many of us worry about things that we cannot change. Although worrying gives you something to focus on, there are more productive ways to spend your time. Instead of worrying about the things you cannot control, remind yourself that worrying doesn't bring change. If it is a situation that you can control, then there is no reason to worry! Find a solution and spend your energy fulfilling it. If nothing else, just talk to someone about your concerns. Getting them out in the open tends to help put your mind at ease.
How Reiki is that reflection? And how apt for me at the moment. I do have control of the things to do with the funeral and the estate. But I need to remind myself I dont have to do it all at one go. I probably do need to talk to someone - but I may get tat chance today as Anthony Howe the minister from the crematorium is coming round this afternoon.
Yesterday was a day of emotional eating so last night I put on the emotional eating track. I went right under and only woke at the final countback. Rightly or wrongly I feel that is a sign I absorbed more of the message.
This morning I managed a 30 minute workout. Step plus twice , a short jog some muscle excercises and 10 minutes of free step.I have decided the missle 10 minutes doesn't have to be cardia and maybe I will vary it more.
Although I didnt use the Wii fit yesterday the 2 hours we spent clearing Edna's flat was quite tiring. I have to say I slept fairly well last night.
I have big plans for today - but I'm not sure how much I will actually do.
Yesterday Alma reminded me abou Bill ,Dougs nephew, who still kept in touch with Edna. I managed to contact him and he is coming to the funeral. Tony has agreed to take photo's. I am detrmined that Les and June will be able to see something even though they can't actually be there. The digital camera has gon phut so I am going to treat us to a new one. That is definite plan to for today.
Breakfast was two pieces of peanut butter toast and I am NOT going to finish them both. First time in days I have felt like that. I hope that is a sign things are turning round for me
I have a decsion to make in 2 days time. Am I going to take a body test and weigh myself?
Wednesday, 7 October 2009
Day 11
There's more to healthy than just not having a fever
Are you healthy? This may seem like a simple question, but it's more complicated than that. If an outside observer were to look at your daily actions, thoughts and behaviors, would she think you're a healthy person, one who eats nutritious meals, breathes correctly, gets enough sleep, and cares for his body? These are simple things that we take for granted, but they have major impacts on your health. Do you make time to maintain good health? If you do, then you're on the right track--continuous improvement should be your goal. If you don't make health a priority, start TODAY! There's no time like the present to build your foundation of a healthy future.
When I read the above I thought - I'm on the right track. Its good to have someone else tell you you're ideas are right. Its also good to be reminded that what I am doing isn't JUST about weight loss it IS about my overall good health. And that as Tesco say 'Every little helps'
Food wasn't too bad yesterday, I also did a fair amount of 'moving my body' on top of the workout as I visited funeral directors and banks. I eneded up very tired yesterday and didn't really sleep well last night. So this morning I I have decided not to attempt a workout.
I have another busy day ahead as we clear out Edna's flat so I'm not exactly going to be a couch potato. And I can always do some wii fit stuff later in the day.
I am still tired and my sciatica is a problem. I am not in pain - but I am aware that my right foot and toes are a bit tingly so I know something isn't right somewhere with my back. Thats another reason for not overdoing the exercise. I suspect the boxing as a bigger impact on my back than I thought and 13 minutes of my time is spent on boxing. I may have to rejig the workout again.
I am trying to plan Edna's funeral service and looking for some suitable readings. I am also wondering if I should read something. I want to - but still remember what happened when I tried to at Mum's funeral. I am also thinking about trying to write something specific for Edna.
I didnt meditate yesterday at all. I intend to do better today, however I did listen to one of Paul's eating tracks last night.
Are you healthy? This may seem like a simple question, but it's more complicated than that. If an outside observer were to look at your daily actions, thoughts and behaviors, would she think you're a healthy person, one who eats nutritious meals, breathes correctly, gets enough sleep, and cares for his body? These are simple things that we take for granted, but they have major impacts on your health. Do you make time to maintain good health? If you do, then you're on the right track--continuous improvement should be your goal. If you don't make health a priority, start TODAY! There's no time like the present to build your foundation of a healthy future.
When I read the above I thought - I'm on the right track. Its good to have someone else tell you you're ideas are right. Its also good to be reminded that what I am doing isn't JUST about weight loss it IS about my overall good health. And that as Tesco say 'Every little helps'
Food wasn't too bad yesterday, I also did a fair amount of 'moving my body' on top of the workout as I visited funeral directors and banks. I eneded up very tired yesterday and didn't really sleep well last night. So this morning I I have decided not to attempt a workout.
I have another busy day ahead as we clear out Edna's flat so I'm not exactly going to be a couch potato. And I can always do some wii fit stuff later in the day.
I am still tired and my sciatica is a problem. I am not in pain - but I am aware that my right foot and toes are a bit tingly so I know something isn't right somewhere with my back. Thats another reason for not overdoing the exercise. I suspect the boxing as a bigger impact on my back than I thought and 13 minutes of my time is spent on boxing. I may have to rejig the workout again.
I am trying to plan Edna's funeral service and looking for some suitable readings. I am also wondering if I should read something. I want to - but still remember what happened when I tried to at Mum's funeral. I am also thinking about trying to write something specific for Edna.
I didnt meditate yesterday at all. I intend to do better today, however I did listen to one of Paul's eating tracks last night.
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
Day 10
I am determined to do my best to stick to the 90 day programme. But yesterday was not a good day. I didn't eat slowly and snacked a lot.
I did achieve quite a bit yesterday. I picked up the certificate, and realised I needed more information about Edna before I could register the death so I zoomed back home to get HER birth certificate. Then I decided I didnt fancy driving into town so I got the bus to go to the resgister office. There I relaised if I had NOT been there when she died I would have had a problem registering her death and might have had to get Steve involved. I said at the time if I was meant to be there when she died I would be . I think yesterday I found out why I was there when she died.
I also made a lot of phone calls to inform people she had died and got the best news ever which is that her will IS valid. So I can do all the legal stuff without Steve. Hallelujah.
One thing that didnt go well was that I contacted Age concern about her funeral plan and they said the funeral directors would ring me yesterday. I'm still waiting to hear from them.
Today is bank day so I will be going to Kings Heath later.
Today has started well. I've drunk lots of water and done my full workout. I haven't had breakfast yet. I am in that strange state where I sort of feel hungry - but at the same time feel bloated. But I know I must eat before I go out.
My IBS feels better. My sciatia feels better, and I am looking forward to the weekend at Hay. Tony finally made up his mind about stopping over in Hay and we now have rooms book for the 10th and 11th so we can spend Sunday mooching round Hay .
I did achieve quite a bit yesterday. I picked up the certificate, and realised I needed more information about Edna before I could register the death so I zoomed back home to get HER birth certificate. Then I decided I didnt fancy driving into town so I got the bus to go to the resgister office. There I relaised if I had NOT been there when she died I would have had a problem registering her death and might have had to get Steve involved. I said at the time if I was meant to be there when she died I would be . I think yesterday I found out why I was there when she died.
I also made a lot of phone calls to inform people she had died and got the best news ever which is that her will IS valid. So I can do all the legal stuff without Steve. Hallelujah.
One thing that didnt go well was that I contacted Age concern about her funeral plan and they said the funeral directors would ring me yesterday. I'm still waiting to hear from them.
Today is bank day so I will be going to Kings Heath later.
Today has started well. I've drunk lots of water and done my full workout. I haven't had breakfast yet. I am in that strange state where I sort of feel hungry - but at the same time feel bloated. But I know I must eat before I go out.
My IBS feels better. My sciatia feels better, and I am looking forward to the weekend at Hay. Tony finally made up his mind about stopping over in Hay and we now have rooms book for the 10th and 11th so we can spend Sunday mooching round Hay .
Monday, 5 October 2009
Day 9
Yesterday was a very bad food day. I realised I was eating mindlessly without really thinking why I was eating. I felt hungry - but I know most of it was emotional hunger . Thats not surprising under the circumstances - but the key to dealing with emotional hunger is to recognise and deal with the emotion and its cause.
Dealing with the cause of my emotional hunger is not easy (what a marvelous British understatement) I may not be sitting around in floods of tears over Edna's death but a death is always an emotional event. I listened to Paul's emotional hunger track last night (well dozed off listening to it to be honest) I came out of it the final countback. Hopefully some of it stuck.
OK so doing a Beyond Chocolate tune in Physically I feel tired, hungry, have mild IBS and mild sciatica. Emotionally I am nervous. Thought or question is Will I cope with the busy gay I have ahead?
Today I will pick up the death certificate, register the death and contact the funeral directors. If I get anything else done as well it will be a bonus.
I have used the wii fit. 10 minutes of step plus and 5 minutes of balance games.
I have had a glass of water, a mug of coffee and a banana this morning. I ate the banana while I was making my coffee. I still feel hungry. So I am going to have a large glass of water and do some stuff on the computer and hope the hunger goes away. If it doesn't I will attempt to decide exactly what I want and eat it savouring every mouthful.
Just found this from Sparkpeople - and its not the healthy reflection. I usually wouldn't read the e-mail but the subject line caught my eye. Someone is telling me I am on the right road
Exercise Keeps Your Mind Sharp
A new study from the National Institutes of Health found that the most sedentary individuals (i.e. couch potatoes) are 2.5 times more likely to develop dementia than regular exercisers. Dementia is a condition of declining mental abilities (especially memory) that affects your personality, skills (like driving a car), and verbal abilities.
Action Sparked: Stay on a consistent exercise program throughout your lifespan. Try not to view exercise as a temporary means to and end (weight loss). It is part of a healthy lifestyle, and while it does help you lose and maintain weight, it can steer off plenty of health problems, from heart disease to depression.
Time Involved: 20-60 minutes, most days of the week
Body Benefit: Healthy body, healthy mind
Dealing with the cause of my emotional hunger is not easy (what a marvelous British understatement) I may not be sitting around in floods of tears over Edna's death but a death is always an emotional event. I listened to Paul's emotional hunger track last night (well dozed off listening to it to be honest) I came out of it the final countback. Hopefully some of it stuck.
OK so doing a Beyond Chocolate tune in Physically I feel tired, hungry, have mild IBS and mild sciatica. Emotionally I am nervous. Thought or question is Will I cope with the busy gay I have ahead?
Today I will pick up the death certificate, register the death and contact the funeral directors. If I get anything else done as well it will be a bonus.
I have used the wii fit. 10 minutes of step plus and 5 minutes of balance games.
I have had a glass of water, a mug of coffee and a banana this morning. I ate the banana while I was making my coffee. I still feel hungry. So I am going to have a large glass of water and do some stuff on the computer and hope the hunger goes away. If it doesn't I will attempt to decide exactly what I want and eat it savouring every mouthful.
Just found this from Sparkpeople - and its not the healthy reflection. I usually wouldn't read the e-mail but the subject line caught my eye. Someone is telling me I am on the right road
Exercise Keeps Your Mind Sharp
A new study from the National Institutes of Health found that the most sedentary individuals (i.e. couch potatoes) are 2.5 times more likely to develop dementia than regular exercisers. Dementia is a condition of declining mental abilities (especially memory) that affects your personality, skills (like driving a car), and verbal abilities.
Action Sparked: Stay on a consistent exercise program throughout your lifespan. Try not to view exercise as a temporary means to and end (weight loss). It is part of a healthy lifestyle, and while it does help you lose and maintain weight, it can steer off plenty of health problems, from heart disease to depression.
Time Involved: 20-60 minutes, most days of the week
Body Benefit: Healthy body, healthy mind
Sunday, 4 October 2009
Day 8
I am still determined to keep my focus on Paul's weight loss programme despite everything else that is going on.
I didnt do very well yesterday. Mainly I didnt eat slowly. I realised how badly i was doing when I was eating dinner (pizza) I just couldn't slow down. Maybe that was because there is so much rushing around going on in connection with Edna.
Never mind that was yesterday. Today I can and will do better. I am still determined to step on the Wiifit on Xmas Eve and have the satisfaction of knowing I am well below 14st. I beleive in Paul's programme. Beyond Chocolate take the same approach. It makes scientific sense. It is the right approach. All I have to do is stick to it.
I haven't been drinking much water recently, and I haven't 'moved my body' much either. But I did clock up 30 minutes yesterday.
We made good progress with Edna's affairs yesterday. We now know the funeral can leave from Fosters and the wake can be at Fosters. As Alma said it was her home and that is right and appropriate. . We found out we have a month to clear the flat which does mean we can take our time. But mainly we found the funeral plan papers.
Tomorrow will be a busy day . Pick up certificate, register death and arrange funeral. Tuesday will be bank day on Kings Heath High Street.
I had a wonderful surprise yesterday. I discovered a total stranger has been reading my dementia blog. Who ever it is left the comment reproduced below on the entry where I recorded that Edna had died.
In a way this fulfills one of the ambitions I identified 3 years ago. I like to write - I wanted to be a writer. I remember making an entry in this blog a little while ago 'In my dreams one of my blogs gets published' Well my blog clearly has been read and had an impact - and as West Heath want copies of it it is about to be 'published' in a way. OK Its not quite the same as having a best selling novel to my name - but I have accomplished something special with that blog.
I think I needed that reminder that I can have faith in my abilities. I am being set free to forge a new life for myself. If I am to make the most of it I need faith in myself .
I didnt do very well yesterday. Mainly I didnt eat slowly. I realised how badly i was doing when I was eating dinner (pizza) I just couldn't slow down. Maybe that was because there is so much rushing around going on in connection with Edna.
Never mind that was yesterday. Today I can and will do better. I am still determined to step on the Wiifit on Xmas Eve and have the satisfaction of knowing I am well below 14st. I beleive in Paul's programme. Beyond Chocolate take the same approach. It makes scientific sense. It is the right approach. All I have to do is stick to it.
I haven't been drinking much water recently, and I haven't 'moved my body' much either. But I did clock up 30 minutes yesterday.
We made good progress with Edna's affairs yesterday. We now know the funeral can leave from Fosters and the wake can be at Fosters. As Alma said it was her home and that is right and appropriate. . We found out we have a month to clear the flat which does mean we can take our time. But mainly we found the funeral plan papers.
Tomorrow will be a busy day . Pick up certificate, register death and arrange funeral. Tuesday will be bank day on Kings Heath High Street.
I had a wonderful surprise yesterday. I discovered a total stranger has been reading my dementia blog. Who ever it is left the comment reproduced below on the entry where I recorded that Edna had died.
-
My thoughts are with you. I have been reading your blog regularly and I thank you for your heartfelt and honest reflections. I would like the staff on my ward to read it, to remind them of Kitwood's legacy of the PERSON with dementia, not the person with DEMENTIA. xxx
In a way this fulfills one of the ambitions I identified 3 years ago. I like to write - I wanted to be a writer. I remember making an entry in this blog a little while ago 'In my dreams one of my blogs gets published' Well my blog clearly has been read and had an impact - and as West Heath want copies of it it is about to be 'published' in a way. OK Its not quite the same as having a best selling novel to my name - but I have accomplished something special with that blog.
I think I needed that reminder that I can have faith in my abilities. I am being set free to forge a new life for myself. If I am to make the most of it I need faith in myself .
Saturday, 3 October 2009
Day 7
It is an understatement to say my first week hasn't exactly gone as I planned. But the good news is the last 3 days haven't left me feeling I totally sabotaged my overl plan. I didn't totally OD on junk food or indulge in bingeing.
Doing a beyond chocolate tune in physically I have definite IBS pain and I feel very tired. Emotionally I am calm. Thought or question is when will I be able to get back to work?
I know I need to give myself enough time to get myself back on an even keel. Ideally it needs to eb after the funeral. So I can't decide about a date until I know when the funeral is. I can't arrange the funeral until I find the papers about the pre-paid funerla plan - or decide it is totally lost and just do it myself.
Today Steve and I are going to start sorting out her flat and I hope we will find it then.
I turned on the Wiifit today afer a 3 days gap. I didn't do much - but I did something.
I am sitting here feeling hungry - but nor sure what I want. I am still at the stage that food makes me feel slightly sick. I may do myself a smoothie instead.
I am going to get through all this OK. It is possible I won't get back to Russells Hall - but that is very unlikely. I should get back in a couple of weeks. If they decide to end my booking because of this absence - well so be it. I will cope.
Change management is a specialty in its own right. Jane Elvidge was sent on a whole course devoted to it. I have been on courses devoted to it. Really to make the change succesful all I need to do is manage myself properly. And thanks to the wonderful Mr McKenna I have the tools to do that.
My life is going to be so radically different in future. I dont yet know how it is going to look - but I am sure it is going to be designed to MY plan,
Doing a beyond chocolate tune in physically I have definite IBS pain and I feel very tired. Emotionally I am calm. Thought or question is when will I be able to get back to work?
I know I need to give myself enough time to get myself back on an even keel. Ideally it needs to eb after the funeral. So I can't decide about a date until I know when the funeral is. I can't arrange the funeral until I find the papers about the pre-paid funerla plan - or decide it is totally lost and just do it myself.
Today Steve and I are going to start sorting out her flat and I hope we will find it then.
I turned on the Wiifit today afer a 3 days gap. I didn't do much - but I did something.
I am sitting here feeling hungry - but nor sure what I want. I am still at the stage that food makes me feel slightly sick. I may do myself a smoothie instead.
I am going to get through all this OK. It is possible I won't get back to Russells Hall - but that is very unlikely. I should get back in a couple of weeks. If they decide to end my booking because of this absence - well so be it. I will cope.
Change management is a specialty in its own right. Jane Elvidge was sent on a whole course devoted to it. I have been on courses devoted to it. Really to make the change succesful all I need to do is manage myself properly. And thanks to the wonderful Mr McKenna I have the tools to do that.
My life is going to be so radically different in future. I dont yet know how it is going to look - but I am sure it is going to be designed to MY plan,
Friday, 2 October 2009
How apt for today
Suffering is the tuition one pays for a character degree.
- Richard M. Rayner, M.D., SparkPeople member
What you really learn from hardships
"Perhaps you think this isn't very ‘positive' sounding, but I find it helps people (patients and friends) put hardship, which is inevitable, to good use," says Richard. "People can use their suffering either to gain character or become bitter. The ones who choose bitterness live a long, slow death. The ones who choose character truly live." Richard is right on the money. Happiness and sadness don't happen to us--they come from within. The story of your life will be written with or without your help. The next chapter is happening while you read this. Will you wait to see what it says later, or will you help write it?
- Richard M. Rayner, M.D., SparkPeople member
What you really learn from hardships
"Perhaps you think this isn't very ‘positive' sounding, but I find it helps people (patients and friends) put hardship, which is inevitable, to good use," says Richard. "People can use their suffering either to gain character or become bitter. The ones who choose bitterness live a long, slow death. The ones who choose character truly live." Richard is right on the money. Happiness and sadness don't happen to us--they come from within. The story of your life will be written with or without your help. The next chapter is happening while you read this. Will you wait to see what it says later, or will you help write it?
The aftermath
I am sitting here contemplating the all the things I now know I have to do. The bureaucracy that surrounds death is amazing. So many things to do and people to be told. I don't feel the same paralysis I felt after Alan's death - but this has been less traumatic and more expected .
I have two immediate concerns. One is her will is as I expected invalid because Alma is one of her witnesses. Oh well I capoed with intestacy before I will do so again. the other is I cannot find the documents relating to her funeral plan. I need to rope in Steven to help go through everything in her flat with a fine tooth comb over the weekend. If we can't fins it then I will have to hope my mempry of it being Age Concern is correct as they must have a record.
Extreme emotion often has a weird effect on my appetite. I amost had to force myself to eat yesterday. I was quite proud of myself. I took a packet of chocolate biscuits to the hospital with me. I opened the packet and only ate 1. I gave the choclate and the chocolate biscuits to the ward. I couldn't eat all my dinner last night.
This morning I dont feel hungry - but I know I will need to eat . But at the moment the thought of food makes me slightly sick.
I am tired despite having had a reasonable nights sleep.
I am slightly overwhelmed by what I need to do - but I will do it as I did before one thing at a time
I have two immediate concerns. One is her will is as I expected invalid because Alma is one of her witnesses. Oh well I capoed with intestacy before I will do so again. the other is I cannot find the documents relating to her funeral plan. I need to rope in Steven to help go through everything in her flat with a fine tooth comb over the weekend. If we can't fins it then I will have to hope my mempry of it being Age Concern is correct as they must have a record.
Extreme emotion often has a weird effect on my appetite. I amost had to force myself to eat yesterday. I was quite proud of myself. I took a packet of chocolate biscuits to the hospital with me. I opened the packet and only ate 1. I gave the choclate and the chocolate biscuits to the ward. I couldn't eat all my dinner last night.
This morning I dont feel hungry - but I know I will need to eat . But at the moment the thought of food makes me slightly sick.
I am tired despite having had a reasonable nights sleep.
I am slightly overwhelmed by what I need to do - but I will do it as I did before one thing at a time
Thursday, 1 October 2009
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