Pride goes before a fall

Oh dear. It all fell apart BIG time yesterday. I was fine at work - although I ate the sausage roll that was meant fior my lunch at my mid morning coffee break. But I was hungry - and I had taken a lunch in bits and pieces so I could do that. But I was aware of feeling hungrier than I had been. It was when I got home and discovered to my delight that Steve had come to visit - and was staying the night. He had borought some chocolates with him and I not only couldn't resist but was unable to stick to the rules at all. I wasn't even able to stick to the rules with dinner - although I did still eat it slower than my old eating pace. I didn;t stick to the rules later when I had biscuits.

It wasn't just the lure of the chocolate. There was a huge emotional compnent to ....no I'm not going to call it my failure ......... my wobble. Becasue Steve was there I ended up talking about his gradmother and everything that was going on. And talking evidently triggerred something in my psyche. I ended up in tears at the end of a sad episode of Buffy that we watched. Now it was affecting but wouldn't normally have had me reaching for the tissues. I even cried a little when I went to bed and I haven't done that for ages.

Today Steve needs help from me to do some shopping for the house and he is going to visit Edna (with me or instead of me I'm not sure yet) I am really looking forward to a family day (hopefully weekend) .

So this morning I am sitting here trying to get my head straight so I can get back on track. Half a dozen chocolates , 4 biscuits and one meal eaten faster than I should have done will NOT have caused me to put back on the weight I have lost. OK I didn't stick to Paul's rules but I think I know why I didn't stick to them. What I have to do now is deal with the emotional issues. That may well be tricky (see other blog for reasons!) but I am sure if I apply some of my guru's OTHER ideas to that situation I will be able to get myself sorted out.

In the meantime I have been up for 30 minutes or more and I still haven't had breakfast becasue although I feel hungry I know it is emotional hunger. Also there isn't anything I really WANT to eat - not even chocolate!! So I think i will get myself a glass of water (despite a mug of coffee I am still thirsty) turn on the Wii fit and have some fun.

There is no doubt I am at a low ebb. I found myself reading 'Care of the Soul' last night trying to find and understand the message my 'soul' is trying to give me with my current emotional turmoil. Still no eureka moment - but one or two intersting ideas that have got me thinking.

But I know there is no point at ALL in starting to hate myself and giving up on Pauls golden rules. So I won't. Yesterday was a bad day. Today should be better.