Holiday time

Its Good Friday so I am not at work. In fact I am not back at work until Tuesday. It is a measure of how right I was to retire that after less than 3 weeks back I am thinking 'I really need this break' As I sit here slowly chewing my belgian waffles (very unhealthy but its a holiday so who cares) I think I need to review the care I am giving to my soul as well as my body. Because the cry of 'I need a break' I think is coming from my 'soul'

3 years ago I started on a journey to change my life, and inevitably have ended up changing me. That was probably the thing that needed changing most. Not that there was anything wrong with me - but my perspective on life was wrong. 3 years ago I was in a full time salaried job that was making me unhappy. As a result of the journey I started then, I am now a self employed locum, with a pension to supplement my earnings, with the freedom to work when and where I want without guilt. The route I took to get here was unexpected, and I didn't anticipate the Edna factor - but life is full of surprises.

The Edna factor is giving me a chance to do something I am good at and enjoy doing - caring . It is the ultimate in 'patient focused' work - even if it does not need my qualifications to do it.

This blog which is such a vital part of all this is giving me the chance to write. And maybe one day I WILL finish that book and get it published.

So I have achieved the goals I set myself 3 years ago. What I haven't achieved yet is the confidence to believe I can make it all work. That fear is draining and is probably the reason why I am so glad of a break. So I need to look at why I have doubts about making it all work .

I guess the main reason is financial. I am worried if there will be enough work for a part time locum. So lets look at a worst case scenario. Even if I never work again, I still have a pension coming in. The chances of me getting no work are small. I am doing what I feel I was meant to do - and I need to have faith there will be enough work. I don't need to work every week. As long as I can work 2 weeks a month I will have enough money coming in.

Another reason I am worried is my ability to do the work that comes up. I need to do regular CE and CPD to give myself the confidence that I can. I need to establish a routine a regular day to record CPD.

I need to know I am doing the best job I possibly can to ensure the best 'care of the soul' . I also think my soul needs to feel I am doing the best I can for my home and family. A lot of my fear that I am not doing this has its root in my old lack of self confidence. That is the real problem I need to address .

As ever blogging has helped me to clarify my thoughts. I really must look up the etymological roots of the word 'journal'

Back to food. Having had 4 small waffles, I am still hungry so I need to do something about that. But then I have done a full 30 minute workout this morning already. But then I am also very thirsty so drink first, then maybea bath ( I sweated a lot during the workout) and then I will think about eating because I don't think this is real hunger.