Confession time

Food yesterday went badly, a double twix bar at lunctime -and I ate both bars. Ginger biscuits in the evening - I think it ended up at 8 over a few hours. This morning doing a 'beyond choc' tune in physically I am aware of pain in my leg and IBS pain,and I am hungry. In fact I am munching a piece of toast as I type this. Err make that munched as I just finished it. Emotionally I am nervous bizarre as that sounds. And the thought or question is will we get away on holiday OK with everything sorted out? This is clearly what I am nervous about,

I am up way too early for a holiday day -and I can't even blame the cats because they stayed downstairs. So why am I downstairs at 7.00am? I guess its the feeling that I have lots to do before we go tomorrow.

One advantage of not dieting is that you can take bits and pieces from other systems that seem helpful. So I do the tune -in. One of the beyond choc rules is that you must put all food on a plate. I am wondering if this would be helpful for me. I am wondering if I would have eaten so many biscuits last night if they had been on a plate. Well all I can do is try it and see what effect it has.

Beyond Chocolate also produced this
FOOD FOR THOUGHT

For most of us, Christmas and New Year involve some kind of party, socialising or get together. How do you feel about the coming festive season? Are you busy calculating how much you could lose in the next 6 weeks? Or are you feeling confident and happy about how you look? What small step can you take to ensure that you look forward to the celebrations without worrying about your weight and the size and shape of your body?

At one level I have been calculating excatly that. My 90 days (look back a few weeks and you will see the start of that) ends on Xmas Eve. The goal was to get below 14st for Xmas. Part of my thinks 'I could stll do that. In 6 weeks I could lose 12 lbs'

I not only have the holiday season - I have a holiday as well.

The beauty of Paul's system is that holidays don't make a difference. As long as you follow the rules thats all you need to do. The rules automatically stop you binging and overeating. And it does work. I have seen time and time again how different my approach to food is. No longer do I eeat a full cooked breakfast, and have cereal and toast and ask for extra toast in a hotel. I can leave mince pies IN THE BOX. That bar of choclate is still in the fridge UNTOUCHED and I have no desire to open it.

My relationship with food is much MUCH better. So why am I not losing weight?

Lets be honest I don't know if I am losing weight or not because I am not weighing myself. Well lets be honest I did step on the scales a couple of days ago and was releived to see the numbers had changed from the number that so scared me a few weeks ago. It once again told me I am nearer 14st than 15st. But what I haven't done is do a body test on the wii fit which is what I regard as my 'real' weight. Too much of a coward after the shock it gave me the other week - but even then I didn't do a body test so I dont know exactly what it thought I weighed. And I have no idea how good the correlation is between the wii ft and my bathroom scales.

There is clearly something odd going on in my head about this whole issue and I really need to work it out.

But the bottom line is I am not that unhappy with how I look when I make an effort with my clothes. Clearly not only has my attitude to food changed - but my attitude to ME has changed.

The one thing I have never been able to do effectively is visualise a thin me. I have a photograph of me weighing about 10 and a half stone and my family have suggested I could use that image. But that image doesn't work because in the photo I am with Alan - and I know the me in that picture is very unhappy. And I don't want to go there. Maybe that is my real problem. I dieted very succesfully - with support from Alan - and got down to 10st. But Alan destroyed my self image. I wonder if I subconciously think a thinner me must be an unhappier me?

Any weight loss system that doesn't recognise the effect of the mind on the body is doomed to failure in my opinion. I am convinced I have had a 'eureka' moment in that previous paragraph. Food for thought - the sort of food that won't give you any weight problems!