A matter of trust

3 posts in ne day - that is a measure of how uset I am. I had another scare tonight . Jim, who we met thorugh Martin, said he would fit a new lock on the dor so Martin's key wouldn;t work. He came in with the lock, said it would take him 10 minutes to fit and then we we didnt hear from him for 90 minutes. So I texted him, rang hin, and then we walked round to see what was happening at Steve's house. It loooked dark and deserted. the door was locked with what appeared to be a new lock. So there we were with Steve's house totally locked, and the erson with the only set of keys missing. I was freaking, wondering if he was in leauge with Martin and they were going to take over Steve's house.

I left a message on his answer phone - and got a reply almost straight away. he had heard us try the door - but was worried it was Martin trying to get in. He had decided to crash out at Steve's(which he has done before) and get an early night vbecasue he has a chest infection. he hadn't realised how it might look to us.

But tere is no doubt in the spce of a day, I have become very untrusting in a way that I haven't been for nearly 10 years. The problem isn't so uch my lack of trust in other people, its my lack of trsut in my ability to make good decisons that is affected and that in turn affectsmy self image and a negative slef image is the lAST thing I need at the moment.

I have got to find a way back from this. I won't say what I could to Martin for infliting this on my family.

Poor Jim has been bombarded with texts from him. Martin hasn't yet realised that Jim, like us, doesn't want anything to do with him.

I am also anxious how this may all affect Steve. His dad spent years breaking trust wit him, and it is something he reacts very badly to. He has learned to trust - just as I learned to. I dont want that destroyed by Martin.

I have a craving for somethign REALLY sweet or VERY alcoholic.