A major dilemma

I had a flare up of my IC on Friday. It could have been caused by the yoghurt I had for lunch but work was rather stressful . The stress got yanked up several notches when Emmeline had a word with me about my error rate at Maureen's request. I let an error go out earlier in the week. It got caught by the nurse before the TTO was given to the patient and the doctors prescribing was a factor BUT it shouldn't have happened. However in my whole career no-one had EVER put me in the position where I feel as if my error rate is worse than anyone else's. At the end of the day I am human. As the talk eded with the warning that they are advertising for a band 7 bank pharmacist so my services may not be required there much longer I feel rather bruised and battered. I also don't think they have any idea whether or not my error rate IS worse than anyone else's so I don't feel I have been treated with respect. But then that is the management style there My problem is am I safe to work in that environment? Is it time to walk? The systems there are not good and there is a high level of stress involved with the job. Could I cope with just the work from Little Aston? Who incidentally contacted me on Friday to book me for another day. I have said says thinking it was a Saturday - but it is a Friday and I now have to tell ROH I can't do that day for them. I have the perfect excuse since they are hinting they want me to go anyway. What upsets me about all this is the attack on my self esteem and confidence. I vented big time on LV and got as gratifying amount of support. But I still need to decide whether I walk now or wait and see what happens. Actually its a case of whether I MUST walk now because I am not safe or whether I am still safe and its just their over bearing management style. The conspiracy theorists would say I am too expensive at my grade. It is a coincidence I have been told they are seek a band 7 bank just after they have had to pay me for 70 hours annual leave/ bank holiday pay....... So what do Ido? Part of me is thinking if I give up the hospital I will be able to focus on building up my client list for reiki and readings - maybe even hypnotherapy. It just seems strange this has happened just as I am gaining confidence in my reading/mediumship ability AND when my other pharmacy client suddenly asks me for an extra day at short notice - and in so doing re-enforces my confidence in my professional ability. If the work at the orthopaedic is drying up I need to start NOW to look for alternatives. Is cultivating Little Aston and putting more effort into my spiritual work what I am meant to do. This the the blog as a meditation tool coming into play. I know I COULD manage on my pension.....just. And Tony now earns some money. Interestingly he ALSO has been having hassle with HIS work and was thinking of walking. And he also has some kind of new opportunity being given to him tomorrow. Is there some sign in the timings of our dilemmas? Is my desire to go int tomorrow and tell them I am walking just a desire for revenge? OK lets apply the reiki principles Do not worry - that could mean I don;t have to worry about money Do not get angry . The hospital does strain that. the whole set up makes me angry. And I have said often enough I would walk if they ever became registered because I could not sign on as RP. How many times have I said I can only cope there because I DO have the option to walk. Be honest and hard working. Well I can't really be honest at the hospital about how I feel. And I AM hard working but they don't appreciate me. Be humble and respectful. I need to respect the way THEY work. it is THEIR choice . Am I being disrespectful Be compassionate to yourself and others. Well being compassionate to myself means i walk. being compassionate to others means I stay . BUT con a be truly compassionate to others if I am being UNcompassionate to myself. You get more of what you focus on. I have been focussing on working as a pharmacist. Maybe it is time to focus on working as a reader?

One more sleep till the ghost hunt

I am feeling really really positive today - tired but positive. I did some readings yesterday and got some great feedback. Circle went well My food and drink intake was good I did a lot of walking yesterday - and hour of leafletting and then 30 minutes on the wii fit So what do I want from today? A smooth day at work, I am using the car as I want to go shopping straight after so I can relax tomorrow before the ghost hunt. A relaxed and peaceful evening with Tony. Me e easily making healthy food and drink choices. I can see it all happening just as I want it to. I want to try and fit in some self healing before I go to work. I haven't done nearly as much of that as I should. No lets re-phrase that I WILL fit in some self healing but I will have to get a move on as I have less than an hour. I will be SO glad when the 9.00 am starts are over!

Eating and drinking what you REALLY want

I have realised something these past few days. Apart form the one evening when I really fancied coffee - so I had one- I haven't missed coffee. Not being a caffeine addict I haven't had any withdrawal symptoms. I look forward to my morning cup of red-bush. Stirring it with a vanilla pod is a mini L'Oreal moment. I clearly need to apply Paul's advice about food to my drinks as well So this morning I am feeling positive. yesterday was a good day. I ate and drank healthily on the whole, I moved my body, and I felt healthy. Today is salon day and I am looking forward to a good one. paula has blanked out her treatment time for 10.00 . When I have treated her if the weather holds I will do some more leafletting. We have circle this evening so I will be doing some meditation later. I haven't been finding time to meditate - I haven't adjusted to the 9.00 start at ROH. But I WILL improve on that. So what can I apply the reiki principles to today? I am worried about TC - I need to put that worry out to the universe. What will happen will happen I got angry yesterday with Skoda who yet again didn't turn up when they expected. BUT I found their website and complained. I didn't really get angry - I took action. Today I can imagine myself getting angry if my spiritual exercises don;t go brilliantly. I MUST NOT DO THAT> I need to recognise it takes practice. Today I need to work hard on my meditation BEFORE I got to the salon. And I need to work hard delivering leaflets and cards I need to be grateful my IC issue has been solved so easily. I wore tights yesterday, I am in my pj's again this morning. And I have NO DISCOMFORT. I need to have compassion for me before I can have compassion for anyone else. Do I need to be compassionate to TC. Is it time? That is I want today to be positive. I want to have delivered at least 100 more leaflets and cards by the end of the day.

I realised that the calmness at work may depend on me. If I get irate about something it sends the wrong signals out. Yesterday I stayed calm. But it did help that Pam wasn't there. I really worry about what may happen when she comes back. Ah ...but I mustn't worry must I? First reiki principle. Wow what a reminder. So what do I want for today? And how am I getting on with my goals for the week? After that reminder I need to incorporate the reiki symbols and principles into my life? Now there is a thought. I have just had a picture of the department with a huge CKR in it. Ok..... something is nudging my brain. I need to get my talk done for tomorrow - even though I have a feeling it may not take place. But I don;t think that is me getting a signal; i think that is me being me and thinking negative. Apart from that I want the same as yesterday. To be fair I was tired when I got home, and had to dash out to get a sonic rodent repellent. Having had 3 dead mice in 2 days a 4th live mouse appeared just after I got home - and all the cats wanted to do was play with it. However finally it was cornered and killed by them. But we are worried there is a nest somewhere ....o joy. Anyway all that dashing about took time and left me very tired - so I didn't achieve much last night except to watch tv I was late up this morning so this is a close as I am going to get to meditation before I go to work. This 9.00 start is being quite disruptive. But food wise yesterday went well. The IC exclusion diet continues - and I feel wonderful. I am learning to really like Red-bush tea - and I am not really missing coffee yet - but then I haven't smelt any coffee really. I am going to meet someone in a cafe on saturday....so that may be a tester. Because chocolate is a trigger and we only have chocolate biscuits I haven't snacked. And to be honest I suspect some of my snack favourites may be triggers. Hopefully this will get me back on the slimming tack as well as dealing with my IC.

Back to my tabula rasa

I saw H last night and he asked me how meditation was going. Of course it isn't so that is something I MUST address starting NOW. What do I want for today? What signals do I want the universe to pick up and act on from me. I want to be pain free - but I am working on that - and today I feel good. I want work to be calm - but I am not expecting it to be - and that is bad. BUT I can MAKE it calmer by staying calm myself. I can help calm things by my approach. And that is clearly what I need to do I want to be able to look back at the end of the day and see I have made real progress in something - and what popped into my head was my portfolio. I want to look back at the end of the day and be happy with my food and drink choices, and the amount of exercise I have done. I am going to use the meditation room before I go to work. I am feeling good this morning - focussed and determined. My food choices yesterday were largely determined by what I feel safe eating in view of my IC - but I get the munchies during the game last night. However the muncging was MUCH reduced. I used the wii fit and went swimming yesterday. That should kick start my exercise programme. I am going to set goals for the week as well as for today. By the end of the week I want to be pain free from the IC, I want to have meditated properly at least 3 times, I want to feel confident about my abilities when we go to Hinckley on Saturday.

reality check

I am feeling very very sorry for myself as I contemplate the reality of living with the diagnosis of IC. The list of trigger foods reads like my favourite things. Coffee, team chocolate, spices, fruit, yoghurt.............. add in onions and tomatoes and that means a lot of my home cooking may have to be changed. I don;t eat a drink a lot of ANY of the possible trigger foods - except fruit - and coffee. Even the decaff version is a trigger for me I believe So I need to be tea coffee and caffeine free asap. I have a real problem in working out what I can drink apart from water. Anything acidic is out, so no fruit juices and I feel fruit teas are out until I have got on top of the flare up. I am going to give it two weeks with redbush tea as something hot, and the rest of the time just plain water. I will avoid all the foods on the trigger list So onions have gone on the dsilke list for Abel and Cole, and I will have milk on my cereal not yoghurt or fromage frais. I will cut out citrus fruit - so no oranges, But I will still have apples paers bananas and kiwi fruit. I will avoid curry. And hope at the end of two weeks I feel better so I can start re-introducing some of my favourite things . It is going to be a long two weeks.................

Light at the end of the tunnel?

Well what a strange day yesterday was. No reiki given, even to Paula, no customers through the salon yet(but some people still interested), and no leaflets delivered because IC was still making me feel blah. So I decided in the end to cancel circle. I wasn't in the mod to meditate or lead. BUT Marie never got the message and turned up. She wanted a reading tho and having just booked two tables for us at the Stratford psychic fair, I decided I needed to get my hand back in and do it. (I was by this time feeling better) The reading went well, and I posted on FB that I felt good about doing it. This prompted a response from a FB friend that she wondered why I didn't do readings................... and she and her eldest daughter are planning on having reiki and readings when Sallie gets some money through from the council. I have alo acquired two new decks of cards from Marie (her payment for the reading I gave her) One of the decks was Steven's whihc is why Marie no longer wants it. It is an angel deck that literally gives detials of the various angels and archangels. Tony did a random pick and got Rapjael. I did a random pick and got Michael. Wow. I slept with the other deck (angel tarot) under my pillow last night. All I had to do was TELL people what I like doing - and I got some business. I am confident Sallie will follow through on what she said. If I can get that into my advertising material...................... So what do I want for today? An easy day at work. I have to start at 9 for a few days. Something I could do without - but it will be OK. I am sitting hear looking forward to the walk through the park. And since Pam won't be there it should be a manageable day. A good ghost hunt tonight ...Tutbury Castle!!! It should be amazing. I am GOING to pick something up as a medium tonight. Make healthy food and drink choices. My lunch is already at work - and know I know about the IC drinking water is something I am even more motivated to do.

Things have a slipped a bit - and I now have a new issue to deal with. I have been diagnosed with interstitial cystitis - and discovered it is closely linked with IBS. The diagnosis was one I suggested 4 years back - but discarded when a course of antibiotics cleared my problem up. Also it seems IC is more common than I thought it was. So its down to lifestyle advice and diet. I have decided to try eliminating various known trigger foods. I am starting with caffeine - and yesterday I did feel better - a lot more comfortable. But last night after eating too many doritos, I was back to being uncomfortable again - but I am not sure if that was psychological because I felt guilty about eating too many doritos........... hmmmmmmm Anyway this morning doing a quick body scan I am aware of lower abdominal discomfort which is probably IC related but could also be IBS related. I feel fat there is no avoiding that this morning I feel REALLY fat - but strangely motivated to eat well today. Since on an instinctive level I feel drinking water will help alleviate my IC symptoms drinking water will not be a problem. I am buoyed up because we have a psychic Fayre to go to in Stratford- and the table money can come out of the money Tony has taken doing his readings well some of it anyway. OK what do I want for today. I want to give Paula a good reiki treatment. I want to have a booking from another client confirmed. I want circle to go well tonight and for me to find the right words to help Marie ..........if she NEEDS or WANTS my help So how am I doing with living the reiki principles? Well I didnt do well yesterday but what can I do TODAY I can stop worrying and start acting about things that trouble me. I have let procrastination win again. Am I angry about anything? I am cross at myself for letting things slip - but that is about all Today I will work had at promoting reiki. People don't know what it is -thats why I am not getting many clients I still feel humble that I have been called down this path. Being compassionate is my life goal in many ways - but I need to be nice to me as well - and that means being careful about the food I eat. Right I have come full circle - by accident? Well probably not but I didn't plan that - so it means I really DO need to focus on my diet and lifestyle. Message received and understood

Yesterday my heart lifted when I got into work - and was told one person was off all week. I know the place will be so much better without her!! We all do. I really wonder if I can continue to work there if she remains such a problem. Tony had an amazing day yesterday. 2 distance reading and four face to face readings in the evening. It is starting to happen for him because he believes in himself and really sees himself as a medium and reader. There is a major lesson for me there. Today I am heading to the doctors to try to get my IBS and bladder issues sorted out. I think I need to do that before I can make progress with any of my goals. Physician heal thyself. So today I want a positive consultation at the surgery, I want work to go smoothly - and I want at least one client for me distance reiki session this evening. Right universe there you are. I do believe all these are possible.

Today is the first day back in a more normal routine after easter - and I feel a bit adrift. I haven't een able to focus on writing anything for IYSAF. I feel very IBS ish this morning. I feel as if I am waiting for something to happen - but I have no idea what. I have wasted time this morning struggling with what to write on the groups page - and I suspect meditation will go by the board unless I rush. But I must get back into that. What do I want from today? I want work to be stress free - but I have a feeling it won't be. I MUST end that line of thought I am asking for trouble. I am definitely off my game this morning - and I need to get back on track

Writing the script for my life

I have had some rather frustrating days with a lot of travelling. I really enjoyed my days at Little Aston, the work was good and rewarding. I got some CPD done and recorded, and I actually felt quite energised by the time I got home on Saturday. The prospect of a ghost hunt, the trip to wolverhampton, work at the ROH, then a ghost hunt in Burton Friday evening doesn't bother me. I am not thinking 'I need to stop and rest' So something has energised me which is good. But the ghost hunt last night was less than successful for me. One of the new guests proved to be VERY sensitive and kept channeling. I did what I could to protect him - but things kicked off while I was doing protection for the group. Tony didn't go in the end, and I was worried about the journey back on those deserted roads in the dark so I left early - as did the new sensitive guest Oliver. He went home under the supervision of Sarah and Amy Trevitt because we were all worried about him being a bit spaced out then getting in the car. I was also worried about me being a spaced out because I felt things were on the verge of happening with me - but I blocked it out of fear. AARRGGHHH So if I am writing the script for my future on this tabula rasa what do I REALLY want? I want to be a better psychic/medium. I want to have confidence in the information I give to clients I want a better connection with spirit How interesting that I am not saying I want clients............I clearly need to improve those things before I can get more clients. Now there is an interesting thought.................. I haven't meditated much apart from the class on Thursday. I need to get back into that. I want to feel I meditate properly So why do I feel energised at the same time I feel frustration with my progress. Is it because all these things I am doing are helping my progress? Now there is an interesting thought

Keeping the momentum

I went to Christine angel meditation class last night. It was interesting p even though if I am honest I listen to what she says and I don't always agree with her. She challenges me to examine what I believe - and that can only be good. She is a master reiki practitioner, reader and hypnotherapist. Just like me except she is a master teacher too. I should feel more in tune with her than I do. Maybe if I was more like her I would be better. Now there is an interesting thought. I realised I haven't been using the meditation room - so haven't been doing my aura cleansing recently. And what of my reiki principles? Are they underpinning my life? Well I am trying. I think I need to use the symbols more in daily life. I noticed Christina CKR'd the water in the jug and glasses last night. So what do I want form my day today? I am at Little Aston - so I know the day will be reasonably paced. I want a day where I can see I have lived my reiki principles. Now why haven't I ever considered that before?

Procrastination

This s definitely my biggest fault. I delay doing chores, paying bills, reading emails I am worried may contain something I don't like, having conversations with people I know may be unpleasant,starting up with healthy habits like meditation ............... you name it and I can delay it. The biggest thing I am procrastinating on so far is my portfolio. I have some very negative thinking around it - as I realised yesterday talking to Clare. How does procrastination fall foul of the reiki principles? It causes me worry and frustration (anger) I don;t feel compassionate towards myself because I know I am being idiotic, I am being lazy and not honouring my hypnotherapy teacher. It violates all 5. But I need to have compassion for myself to develop more positive thinking about it................... So I need to embrace the principles to get over what is causing the negative thinking. Yesterday I wore another top this is feeling looser than it used to. This blank slate idea really does seem to be working. And treating my body well is a direct application of the reiki principles. Now there is an interesting idea to run with............. Today is my hospice day. yesterday I had an email saying that jean is gibing uo her role as complementary therapist co-ordinator. This may mean major changes in how the caseloads are sorted out - and I am wondering how things will work. I am also wondering if this gives me the chance to ask Jenny Brewer for a reference so I can apply to Freshwinds and volunteer closer to home........ But I must apply the reiki principles to this as well. So what do I want from today? I want to feel I have done my best for my patients and the hopsice - and that both appreciate what I do,

So how is it all going so far?

The Tabula Rasa idea seems to be working in some areas. The whole LOA seems to be working well in relation to Krystal Wolf. Tony is now getting PAID readings via FB, and we have had someone join our website after I revamped it. We have a new member for our development circle. And how is it all working with my weight issues? Not well because I have literally as I typed this realised I am still calling it a weight issue. I am focussing on NOT being fat. I am still focussed on being healthy tho.......I do know that. I did 30 minutes on the wii fit despite it breaking down 3 times so I had to keep starting again from scratch. I have absorbed the 'health at any size' idea - and I am not that unhappy with how I look. Something to think about. Today I am off to Stratford with Clare. I want a fun day, I want some antique shops, I want tea at Creaky cauldron, I want a cheap piece of Mousman to replace the ashtray we lost. I want a day of intuitive healthy eating

Website

I have spent today updating our website......updating prices and services etc , added some pictures............ and I have discovered it has a news section ..........which is in the form of BLOG!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok calm down take a deep breath. Could there be a better forum for me to help advertise us? And and an........I had to go out to do a bit of shopping and get petrol. While I was someone knocked on the door in response to our leaflet/card drop. She probably wants a reading and may want some reiki YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK calm down take ANOTHER deep breath. Its a long way from there to a regular clientele - but the leaflet drop HAS worked. So I am feeling good about myself today. I have been proactive and productive - despite not feeling too good. But today I must find some to meditate and do some spiritual work. I also had some good news from Marie - things have calmed down and she feels she and her partner have a new understanding about what SHE needs - so she is no longer tearful and desperate. But we will have a good chat on Thursday when I drive her home after the Angel meditation circle. I am even ging to put on the wii fit on when I finish this entry. Got to admit I snacked during the game last night - but do you know something? I don't care. I had fruit for breakfast - and some bread and cheese for lunch. I have drunk water. The week ahead is looking good ....I am on a roll!!

Learning from the failure of the plan

My post in IYSAF was all about learning why plans go wrong. That was in relation to slimming plans of course. But my plan for yesterday went wrong too. Why? Steve turned up for a chat before I could go out, so I was later going out than I thought. Then Marie contacted me very distressed because HER carefully crafted plan hadn't worked out - and she and her boyfriend had split up weeks before SHE wanted to. Then Tony spotted a ghost hunt happening at the old Whispering Witch (now Bibbity Bobbity Boo) under its new owner. We were invited - but Tony couldn't decide if he wanted to go or not. I lost the will to live over the whole issue and in the end pushed it towards NOT going (which was undoubtedly the most sensible decision due to time. money etc) then had to put up with Tony being REALLY grumpy because we HADN'T gone. All I can say is MEN!!!!!! Tony REALLY needs some help with his decision making strategies. But maybe I should be asking why decision making is so hard for him? So how did food and drink go yesterday? OK - apart from 4 chocolate biscuits. And I did use the wii fit for 30 minutes. On the plus side I did some readings - and I have booked an evening when I will be available to give distance healing - paid - through one of the psychic groups on FB. I have also advertised it on KWHC group. And I am doing my favourite 'Agony Aunt' role with both Margaret as she is supporting Dave at the hospice, and Marie as she copes with the disaster. So what do I want for today? Well I think a bath, then some readings to help me find the right words with Marie and Margaret. Some pendulum work and maybe some meditation? Maybe - I also want to spend some quality time with Tony if he wants. Then tonight it is Rpee time at Wolverhampton :-) But today IS going to include some chocolate - cos I bought Easter eggs yesterday. I can love myself enough to LET myself have some chocolate today - and enjoy it

Pausing for breath

Easter Saturday - as I was reminded by Thought for the Day on the radio this morning is devoid of church celebrations of any sort. The church is still is mourning for the events of Good Friday - and the pain needs to be felt or the message of hope that Easter Day brings is diluted. Its similar to the fact that all the times when my spiritual development seems to be stalled and I am just marking time make the 'wow' moments when those magical things happen even more magical. I have been told that those hard slog times are when we develop most. Maybe the same is true for trying to make lifestyle changes. The times when you struggle and seem to be making no progress are the times when we are laying the foundations for success further down the road. Yesterday I had no biscuits - I didn't want them and I used the wii fit for 30 minutes for the first time in 6 days. I have a goal that in 3 months I want my uniform tunics to be looser. So what do I want today to be? I want a relaxed day, a fun day. Oh I have chores to do - shopping laundry things like that - but that doesn't have to take too long and I can enjoy a relaxing day. I would like the chance to do some psychic work - healing or readings. In fact i have already done a one card reading this morning I want Tony to get some calls when he logs in today. I want a POSITIVE day - a day I can look back on with pride and satisfaction,

Good Friday

With my christian upbringing Good Friday is a day of memories and reflection. I remember going out to the bakers early in the morning to get the hot cross buns straight from the oven. It was a holiday - a solemn day when nobody (except the baker?) worked. No shops (except the bakers for a short time) would be open. But even in my childhood days I don't remember any great religious significance to the day. Was that just because when I was young we were not a religious family? My memories come from a time when my sister and I went to the local baptist sunday school simply because we could get there without crossing any roads. My parents were not religious then. But even then Easter was not the same sort of festival as Christmas - and as I have grown up the two have grown even further apart. But the message of re-birth still permeates the secular celebrations of Easter with the emphasis on Easter Eggs. I guess thats because the christians slotted their celebrations alongside the pagan one just as they did with Christmas! Why am I thinking about my spiritual roots? I am not sure its just seems apt. Its partly prompted by the fact that I have a hypnotherapy patient coming today. Julie is bringer her daughter over to see if I can help her. Do I feel I am betraying my heritage by working on the most solemn day in the christian year? Do I feel guilty that I have moved so far from my roots? Have I moved that far from my roots? I have already said I don't have significant memories of events on this dat from childhood. In fact I will be helping someone who I know desperately needs to find some re-birth from her problems. I guess with my new spiritual outlook from the past few years, I feel frustrated by the lack of spirituality in the world. I want to help people re-connect with their spiritual core - that many don;t even realise they have. I seem to be back to teaching again. Circle went well - we did pendulum work. But Marie said she no longer wishes to delve into her past, and was clearly disappointed that I wasn't brimming over with enthusiasm for The Secret. I have to accept that she will find her own path or find her path blocked to what she wants to achieve. I need to fins out what Marie has to teach ME. Food went well yesterday. And it is no coincidence that yesterday at the salon was a positive one. And I took chances offered to give distance reiki - once I was sure the people I was sending to were aware healing had been requested. Paula wasn't at the salon so I didn't give a hands on treatment. I spent over an hour walking delivering leaflets, I only ate half my lunch, I drank water and although I did have 2 biscuits I ONLY had 2 biscuits. Today feel like my tabula rase is not only for today but for a few months. Thats the rebirth aspect coming in . Psychologically it is a strong imperative. So for today I want a relaxing day. I want a good day with food. I want the confidence I will find the right words for my hypnotherapy. For the next few months I want some reiki clients as a result of the advertising I have done through the salon - and that is now a real possibility. I want Tony to have enough clients either face-to-face or via **^ for him to know he is doing well. And I want to drop a dress size so my uniforms at the hospice and the hospital become loose.

Making progress

Well yesterday went better than I anticipated. I gave 3 reiki treatments, and the patient I was worried wouldn't turn up did. I will also probably have a hypnotherapy patient tomorrow. I wasn't 'in trouble' at the hospice as I feared I might be. I need to remember I am a volunteer and they appreciate whatever I do on their behalf. Food went well also, and being a reiki day I drank water - lots of it. The only thing missing from my health regime at the moment is exercise. I am at the salon today so in theory will be getting exercise by delivering leaflets - but the weather looks naff. However I am determined to do some delivering today. And I will walk to the salon. Tonight we should have our circle with Marie - and Tony also has two clients for readings so today is very much a spirit worker day. I may even give some reiki as someone has asked for distance healing for her father. Provided she can confirm he knows about it I will send that later when I am up at the salon. Paula is away so she won't be having a treatment. But I need to be positive. I believe a new client may well walk in today and book a treatment from me. It will happen. Circle could be interesting as Marie and I debate the Law of Attraction. That will give me something to cogitate on during quiet moments today. I don;t need to worry about Marie's feelings - and I must not get angry because we have different views. I must respect her views. She holds them for a reason - and it is HER path to find her way along. She has something to learn from all this I am sure- but then maybe so do I? I must be honest about my views - but I do have a ot of compassion for her. She has had such a rotten start in life and is working so hard to overcome it. Am I jealous because I think she is more talented than me? I have a feeling I feel slightly superior because she gives the impression of being not the sharpest knife in the drawer - and has some rather childlike views. I really do feel she needs some maturity. I really do seem to be building the reiki principles into my daily life. Not getting angry and not worrying are the hardest - but I am getting there. And once I am living the life I want, I believe my health will improve in every aspect. I will find it easy to eat and exercise healthily so I slim down without too much effort. It shouldn't be an effort - I know that. I have sudden;y realised that I really DO believe that very strongly. It should be something that I do naturally and without thought. Wow - this suddenly feels like a bit of a breakthrough........

It worked

Yesterday went much better than Monday. Work was much better, I didn't nibble at snacks but was satisfied with the other half of my lunch form Monday. I made a DPD entry, I did some self healing when I came home - and to put the icing on the cake Tony has two private clients for readings on Thursday evening. Woohoo. So what do I want write on the blank slate that is today. Well I am going to the hospice. They rang while I was self healing (I didn't hear the phone go so I must have been deep) and Tony told them I was going so obviously I am meant to go - and that means I will be doing something useful. There will be no nibbles and the lunch is always healthy there so that is the start of a healthy eating day - although as I type this I am eating the waffles I have just toasted for breakfast. But I really fancies something crispy - and with no fromage frais in the fridge, cereal would be rather soggy. memo to self - get some fromage frais. I need to show respect today for the hospice and its rules - which do irk me a lot. Jean is a lovely lady - but is asked to do too much for the complementary therapy side of things. She needs support. But then I need to support her by remembering how hard she does work. I know she sometimes takes my comments as being critical of her - and I must remember that. Engage brain before operating mouth. So I must not worry about what will happen today and mustn't get angry about the way the hospice works. I must be hard working with my patients, and have compassion for them. But I must also have compassion on me and not let myself become over committed. I always feel humble and grateful that I have been led to reiki and can help these patients so directly. I need to respect my place in the hospice team - and be supportive of the other members. I am still uncomfortable about what may happen today. But is that a real feeling that I need to act on - or just me being negative? being negative doesn't help. Today what I write the slate that is Marie Curie will define what goes on future slates. I need some positive thinking and visualisation. I am coming to realise that living the reiki principles is rather like clinical governance. It isn't something you do, it is something that is built in. I remain convinced that building them in will enable me to live the life I am meant to lead - and that will include dealing with my weight issues.

Respect yourself and others

This was tough yesterday. One f the workers I have a real problem with pushed all my buttons yesterday. But I did my best to be the best pharmacist I could be. There is no doubt I feel this technician does not respect ME as a pharmacist. Yesterday one of the other pharmacist brought a load of nibbles in as it was her birthday. I nobbled - but then only ate half my lunch because I wasn't hungry - so that was good. Exercise was a bit thin on the ground as I used the car to get to work so I could go shopping straight after. But for some reason I am very stiff and tired today. I didn't wake till nearly 7 - and that is late for me. But my soul got some work yesterday. I found myself offering free readings to the first five of my FB friends who posted. And from the feedback they were all good. So what do I want from today? I am feeling rather yucky this morning, IBS in full swing again, tired and achey and I want a quiet day if I am honest. But that isn't an option. I want to try to improve the relationship with the technician who bugged me yesterday. If I am going to stay working at the hospital I need to do that or she will drive me insane. I need to respect her knowledge, experience and role in the department. I need to respect the fact that she really wants the best for the patients. But I also need to get across to her that she needs to respect me in return - which I feel she doesn't do. Talking to her is useless. I need to devise actions that show I respect her position. I want my food intake today to be much healthier than yesterday. I need to respect the signals my body is giving me. I need to do some self healing. I haven't done any for some time. I may be able to fit it in before I go to work. If not definitely when I get home. My readings were a sort of therapy. it was good to be doing spiritual work. I don't do enough of it. So why am I so reluctant to keep contact with the only place i have that lest me do regular light work - the hospice? I am already wondering if I will go tomorrow. I need to put some healing into that as well. How can I live the principles today? I can find a way to be honest with the technician about how she makes me feel I can try to stop getting angry about the management in the hospital and the department - about which I can do nothing and just work to the best of my ability I need to act on my CPD records for this year instead of worrying about them I need to be grateful for my health, for the fact that I can cope financially even tho the hospital seem to have forgotten to pay me. I can show compassion to all the staff and patients I come into contact with.

Mapping out the future?

I really like the Tabula rasa idea that came to me yesterday. I posted about it in my FB group and found myself advising them to put 'just for today' in front of the intention for their day to make it manageable. I almost put Don't worry about tomorrow. Is that part of what the reiki principle means? What I write today will change what I write tomorrow if I am truly growing. If all this is the Law or Attraction at work I love it. One thing leading me to an insight in another area, and the whole thing happening by chance as it seems. OK so what do I want for today? I am going to respect my body by giving it what it needs in terms of food and exercise. I am going to respect my fellow workers and be the best pharmacist I can be today I am going to respect my soul and recognise its needs. Do I need to give more detail? Why have I used the word 'respect' another word used in the principles? Am I moving closer to really understanding them? They are more than just nice words - they are very challenging and not to be taken lightly. OK take a deep breath. Ultimately what do I REALLY want to achieve? I want to be slimmer for purely aesthetic reasons because it will make me feel good about myself BUT also because if I am slimmer and healthier I feel I will have more credibility as a healer myself. I want to be healthy because I want to live a long and productive life, maybe see Steve get married and give me grandchildren. I want to develop my psychic/mediumship abilities because that will help me help the people who come to me for healing. Each day I need to do something that moves me closer to those goals. I do feel an innate understanding of the reiki principles - and living by them has got to be the starting point for my psychic development - whihc is what my soul needs I am sure. I need to be the best pharmacist I can be each day I am at work because that is how I keep my self respect at the moment. I am a pharmacist - but I won't always be working as a pharmacist. OK I am rambling now - but I do feel there is some message in these thoughts. Blogging is a very good form of meditation for me. OK I now need to respect my body by answering the signal it is giving me . I am hungry.

Tabula Rasa

We investigated Creaky Cauldron last night. It was a strange investigation culminating in Tony channelling a character called 'Maximus' while Tony was sitting in the chair of the absent guest. One of the things he came out with Tabula Rasa. 'Maximus' linked it with the Hell Fire Club (something we know is linked to Creaky. It may be there is a link to the HFC. But researching the phrase it means 'blank slate' , I have realised my life is' tabula rasa' on which I cab to draw what I really want to put the law of attraction into action. Tis gives me a different perspective on things. Each day I can draw what I want to make my life what I want. That is a truly empowering thought