So now what

I am a liar. I've been kidding myself and everyone that I am relaxed about the idea of a break from work. But reality is a bit different. I've just found out the UHB vacancy was filled. The implication is it was filled before the agency submitted my CV. But I am wondering if UHB have actually rejected me. If they have that hurts - which is silly because the 'rejection' (if it is a rejection) has come from one person who doesn't really know me.

But it isnt exactly doing much for my ego and self image.

I already know I am NOT going to get to where I want to be if I continue to work as a hospital locum. So why do I feel so devastated about NOT getting the UHB booking?

My life is changing - again. The rational part of me knows I can make it a change for the better. But my heart feels the hurt of rejection and the anxiety about practical matters.

But in a funny way its all coming together. I will soon be getting the final report from my financial advisor - and I know he will recommend paying off the mortgage So I will be 700.00 a month better off.That takes the pressure off me to earn as much .

I have just finished my CV and Manie is confident she can get me something part time as a community pharmacist.

Some time at home will be useful to sort out things in the house and get some serious OU studying done as well as investigating what steps I can take to work as a reiki therapist at least part time.

And if I am honest a break will do me good. I am very tired.

Part of me wants to curl up in a ball and cry and eat biscuits - and maybe some chocolate as well. In fact almost half of me wants to do that. The other half is much more under control and actually relishing the changes I am going to have to make.