Pauls diary encourages a review every 14 days whihc I haven't done. However better late than never. Also I am now making the big transition to part time work . EDna is going home on Tuesday so I will aslo start to find out the extent of my carer role. So reveowing what I have learned so far could be critical to making sure I don't slip back in the inevitably confusing days ahead.
Did you eat what you wanted?
On the whole yes. I'm eating normal food. Lunctimes are still a problem
Did you eat when you were hungry?
Alwats try to do this - but when you are stuck in the dispensary and can't get away for a break when you are hungry its a bit if a problem
Did you eat conciously?
I'm really trying on this - even chocolate biscuits and crisps are being eaten slowly and consciuosly
Dd you stop when you were full?
This is still a problem as I've still got emotional hunger. And I haven't yet tried the taping technique to hel deal with this
Dif you drink water?
Not as much as I should but I know it helps in all sorts of ways - and my bladder problems ARE better when I drink more water. I should be doing better on this than I am.
Did you move your body?
Really tried on this one. I do always have a bit of a walk from the car to work so the answer is always 'yes' but not as much movement as I would like. I need to kee the workouts going,
Did you do the mirror excercise?
Not conciously no - but I always liek what I see when I look in the mirror
Did you listen to the hypnosis CD?
Haven't listened to this for ages mainly becasue I am so tired when I go to bed.
One interseting thing I have realised is that I always used to 'save up' my eating for the evenings. The idea was I was distracted by work during the day so felt less hungry. I could keep my calorie intake down during the day to enable me to induldge in the evening. I now thing I do better with keeping my overall intake down if I eat a bigger lumch and smaller dinner. That can still be fitted in with cooking a main meal for Tony in the evenings because I will just do myself a much smaller portion.
I am not going to step on the scales. Is that fear? Probably. But it is also recognition that I robably haven't done enough to have a major impact yet. As long as I am losing weight it doesn't matter if I only lose half a pound a month. This is a marathon not a sprint. I will wiegh myself 90 days from when I re-started this journal. 8th of April.
Saturday 31 January 2009
Wednesday 28 January 2009
Two and half ays to go
Thats all the time I have left to work as a salried emloyee of the NHS. I have an interview lined u for Monday with Lloyds - but I must admit I would like to know if UHB could go with my ideas for how they could use me as a lcoum. I must try and find out before I go.
I am tired today because yesterday was a long day. Left home at 8.30, worked till 4.30, went shoing to re-stock the kitchen, then went to visit Edna. I got home about 7.15, then had to ut the shoing away (with lots of help from Tony) and cook dinner with a new oven that neither of us know how to use.
This morning I feel dispirited even though food went fairly well yesterday. Although I DID have two cooked meals, I didn't snack on biscuits or crisps and didn't have any sweets. I really didnt want them because I was comfortably full from the roer food I had eaten. I;m glad I didn;t try to survive on sandwiches for lunch. I know I would have ended up with a chocolate bar at some point.
I am still tired and I have overslept so I don't think I will fit in much of a workout this morning but I will try. I am determined to 'move my body'
I am tired today because yesterday was a long day. Left home at 8.30, worked till 4.30, went shoing to re-stock the kitchen, then went to visit Edna. I got home about 7.15, then had to ut the shoing away (with lots of help from Tony) and cook dinner with a new oven that neither of us know how to use.
This morning I feel dispirited even though food went fairly well yesterday. Although I DID have two cooked meals, I didn't snack on biscuits or crisps and didn't have any sweets. I really didnt want them because I was comfortably full from the roer food I had eaten. I;m glad I didn;t try to survive on sandwiches for lunch. I know I would have ended up with a chocolate bar at some point.
I am still tired and I have overslept so I don't think I will fit in much of a workout this morning but I will try. I am determined to 'move my body'
Tuesday 27 January 2009
Big changes ahead
I am in my last week of paid emloyment for the NHS. After this week Iwill never again be obliged to work 37.5 hours a week with mandatory overtime for the NHS. Even though I want this and know it is right it is a scary tought that from March 1s I no longer have an assured income (apart from my pension) But I managed before when I got made redundant. I will manage this time. I know I will find work somewhere.
So my self image and confidence are more imortant than ever at the moment. Bu I do have confidence that I will find work that suits me. I have confidence in my abilities as a pharmacist.
I also have confidence in my ability to keep to Paul's rules for wieght loss. And I was discilined enough to do my wormkout this morning after missing it over the weekend in all the chaos. That sounds horribly like an excuse for not doing it - but if it was am excuse rather than a reason, my mental attitude has got me back on track because I had no roblem with the idea of doing it this morning.
Edna's home visit went wel, she was accepting of the idea that she needs more help than she was having - but time will tell how it all goes. I still have worries - but then I wouldn't be happy if I wasn't worrying about something. I am such a busybody at times!!
So my self image and confidence are more imortant than ever at the moment. Bu I do have confidence that I will find work that suits me. I have confidence in my abilities as a pharmacist.
I also have confidence in my ability to keep to Paul's rules for wieght loss. And I was discilined enough to do my wormkout this morning after missing it over the weekend in all the chaos. That sounds horribly like an excuse for not doing it - but if it was am excuse rather than a reason, my mental attitude has got me back on track because I had no roblem with the idea of doing it this morning.
Edna's home visit went wel, she was accepting of the idea that she needs more help than she was having - but time will tell how it all goes. I still have worries - but then I wouldn't be happy if I wasn't worrying about something. I am such a busybody at times!!
Monday 26 January 2009
An interesting break
Between the chaos of having the kitchen fitted and the excitment of going to York for the ghost hunt Saruray night, normal eating has been almost impossible since Wednesday. Takeaways, microwave food, cafe food and late night nibbles have all been around. But The slow eating really ia becoming a habit.
I also ended up thinking about the value of Paul's whole programme when I discovered at work is using thr Slimfast system. We discussed the different foods we like and when she said she enjoyed creamy mash I started thinking about the importance of taste and texture. I can't see a way to savour and chew mash slowly. Sam discussed how she was aiming to make a ceremony out of preparing the shakes from the powder. It all re-inforced the social and ceremonial aspect of food in my mind. I hope Sam succeeds this time .
I can't blog without mentioning the unfortunate incident at Leeds station on Sunday morning. It was 6.30 am I had anothet hour to wait for my train, I was very tired havig been awake all night so I decided to see if any food outlets were open. The only one open was MacDonalds which I normally hate but beggars can't be choosers. As I was heading to the place 2 louts yelled out (behind my back) that I was a fat b******d and shouldn't be going to McDonalds. It did upset me but I don't care anything for the opinions of two drunken imbeciles.
I ddn't fancy of the food options ,(I'd already been in once to see what they had left to think about it) and settled for a cappucino for warmth comfort and caffeine. The louts had gone by the time I left.
Today I will start putting stuff in my brand new kitchen cuoboards. Also Edna has her home visit today as a first step to being discharged. I also only have another week to work before my mont off leading to retirment. This should be a good week.
I also ended up thinking about the value of Paul's whole programme when I discovered at work is using thr Slimfast system. We discussed the different foods we like and when she said she enjoyed creamy mash I started thinking about the importance of taste and texture. I can't see a way to savour and chew mash slowly. Sam discussed how she was aiming to make a ceremony out of preparing the shakes from the powder. It all re-inforced the social and ceremonial aspect of food in my mind. I hope Sam succeeds this time .
I can't blog without mentioning the unfortunate incident at Leeds station on Sunday morning. It was 6.30 am I had anothet hour to wait for my train, I was very tired havig been awake all night so I decided to see if any food outlets were open. The only one open was MacDonalds which I normally hate but beggars can't be choosers. As I was heading to the place 2 louts yelled out (behind my back) that I was a fat b******d and shouldn't be going to McDonalds. It did upset me but I don't care anything for the opinions of two drunken imbeciles.
I ddn't fancy of the food options ,(I'd already been in once to see what they had left to think about it) and settled for a cappucino for warmth comfort and caffeine. The louts had gone by the time I left.
Today I will start putting stuff in my brand new kitchen cuoboards. Also Edna has her home visit today as a first step to being discharged. I also only have another week to work before my mont off leading to retirment. This should be a good week.
Thursday 22 January 2009
Normal service will be resumed later
I am sitting here in chaos. Our new kitchen is being fitted. So the contents of the kitchen are in the lliving room, downstairs cloakroom and a few other places. The new kitchen, inlcuding cooker and dishwasher is in boxes in the living room. Every surface in the living room is covered by food things so that we can at least make smle drinks and food.
Have I done my workout? Have I got room to do my workout? Have I got the ability top prepare what I want to eat when I want to eat it? The answer to al those questions is no.
Normality will be restored (if anyone would care to define what normaility is in our house). In the meantime I promise that whatever I eat I will eat slowly and concously (this is almost automatic now)
See you the other side of the chaos
Have I done my workout? Have I got room to do my workout? Have I got the ability top prepare what I want to eat when I want to eat it? The answer to al those questions is no.
Normality will be restored (if anyone would care to define what normaility is in our house). In the meantime I promise that whatever I eat I will eat slowly and concously (this is almost automatic now)
See you the other side of the chaos
Wednesday 21 January 2009
Kitchen day
M new kitchen arrives today so the next few days will be total chaos. Hopefully things will not comletely go to pot foodwise - but not being able to cook will be challenging. I'm not too impressed with the way the firm have handled things so far. They goven us dates then tried to change them. Tried to come in before the kitchenwas delievered to start work. I almost wish I'd refused to move from the original Feb 5th date. However it is coming today and work starts tommorrow. I'm really hoping Tony doesn't get into one of his moods and decide he doesn't want to to out tonight. We have had tickets for the NIA for ages and I will be more than a bit annoyed if she says he's too tired to go. My son has alreday cried off but he does have a lot of uni work to do - and he will at least ay me for the ticket. Maybe I should charge Tony for his if he doesn't go. Wonder what he'd say if I did.
Anyway I'd better go a get dressed so I am ready for the deliverymen - although I have no ide what time they are turning up Hoe the ring me to give me some notice
However I will still get in a shortt work out this morning as much as my back will allow. Yt is now giving me payback for yesterdays fall.
Anyway I'd better go a get dressed so I am ready for the deliverymen - although I have no ide what time they are turning up Hoe the ring me to give me some notice
However I will still get in a shortt work out this morning as much as my back will allow. Yt is now giving me payback for yesterdays fall.
Tuesday 20 January 2009
Pride goes before a fall
Literally a fall in this case. I sliped this morning during my work out and fell backwards. This has of course trigerred some niggling back ains. The irony is that my workout is desigmed to HELP my back - and it does - as long as I stay on my feet while I am doing it.
I have decided doing a workout in bare feet probably isn't a good idea.
I cut the workout short this morning. I picked myself up off the floor and decided I had had enough excercise for the morning.
However I did manage a shortened workut this evening (wuth pumps on) I cut it back to about half what I was doing. And my back knows I have done it.
Ouch.
I have decided doing a workout in bare feet probably isn't a good idea.
I cut the workout short this morning. I picked myself up off the floor and decided I had had enough excercise for the morning.
However I did manage a shortened workut this evening (wuth pumps on) I cut it back to about half what I was doing. And my back knows I have done it.
Ouch.
What am I managing well?
OK. I am managing to eat slowly at breakfast and at dinner. Lunch is always a problem although I do try
Eating when I'm actually hungry is still a bit of an issue. I have realised I am sometimes not that hungry at breakfast time. And if work means I have to take my lunch break at 12.00 instead of 1.00 I am sometimes not hungry. But I still have to eat as I know I will be hungry if I don't - and won;t be able to stop work to do so.
I am eating what I want i.e. not fady diet food. Sometimes my lunch doesn't aeal quite as much at lunchtime as it did when I made it in the morning, and sometimes compromising with Tony's fancies for dinner rules out something I really fancy - usually spicy stuff. But I rarely find myself eating something I really don't want.
I am already making my portions smaller so I am automatically stoping before I am full usually because I have finished the meal. But I am much more aware of the feeling of fulllness than I was.
I am drinking lots of water , I am still doing my miniworkout twice a day, and I am still blogging - whihc is my way of sending love to myself. And anyway when I look in the mirror, I find I like what I see these days.
I am not listening to the tape regularly - but as I am doing all the other things, do I need to? Probably not.
All in all I feel I am making progress .
Eating when I'm actually hungry is still a bit of an issue. I have realised I am sometimes not that hungry at breakfast time. And if work means I have to take my lunch break at 12.00 instead of 1.00 I am sometimes not hungry. But I still have to eat as I know I will be hungry if I don't - and won;t be able to stop work to do so.
I am eating what I want i.e. not fady diet food. Sometimes my lunch doesn't aeal quite as much at lunchtime as it did when I made it in the morning, and sometimes compromising with Tony's fancies for dinner rules out something I really fancy - usually spicy stuff. But I rarely find myself eating something I really don't want.
I am already making my portions smaller so I am automatically stoping before I am full usually because I have finished the meal. But I am much more aware of the feeling of fulllness than I was.
I am drinking lots of water , I am still doing my miniworkout twice a day, and I am still blogging - whihc is my way of sending love to myself. And anyway when I look in the mirror, I find I like what I see these days.
I am not listening to the tape regularly - but as I am doing all the other things, do I need to? Probably not.
All in all I feel I am making progress .
Sunday 18 January 2009
Practice makes perfect
The goal of Paul's weight loss programe is to change your relatinship with food, and change your relationship with yourself. But these are fundamental changes which take time and PRACTICE. So 'success' on a particular day isn't about how many of the boxes I feel I ticked, or how well I stuck to the golden rules, but did I PRACTICE sticking to the golden rules . By definition Im bound to 'fail' in the early stages. But if I keep on practicing every day eventually I will be doing it all easily.
So even though yesterday I did find myself snacking, I did eat everything (including the cheesy biscuits) slowly.
The main area where practice is paying off in a big way is my workout. I am uo to 50 stepus, 50 sidesteps and 300 'jogging' steps. And I am doing that twice a day. My heart rate gets above 100 when I do it so it is cardio excercise.
I suddenly feel very empowered by the thought that all I have to do is practice the golden rules. This is proably not unrelated to the fact that finally other aspects of my life are beggining to get sorted out.
Well I can't sit here all day and write - I have a workout to do :-)
So even though yesterday I did find myself snacking, I did eat everything (including the cheesy biscuits) slowly.
The main area where practice is paying off in a big way is my workout. I am uo to 50 stepus, 50 sidesteps and 300 'jogging' steps. And I am doing that twice a day. My heart rate gets above 100 when I do it so it is cardio excercise.
I suddenly feel very empowered by the thought that all I have to do is practice the golden rules. This is proably not unrelated to the fact that finally other aspects of my life are beggining to get sorted out.
Well I can't sit here all day and write - I have a workout to do :-)
Friday 16 January 2009
Accentuate the positive..
Yesterday I did my workout routine twice (second time with Tony chuckling at me but it still got done) I drank lenyu of water but the eaing conciously bit did go as well as I would have hoed. Actually it was eating when you are hungry bit that soiled it. I was hungry when I left work bt I had to go shoing and hosital visiting and didn't get home for another two hours. So I ate a snadwich as I was driving along. Not goo for all sorts of reasons. And last note MHL led me into an orgy of nibbles.
But not as many as I normally would have done so thats good.
This morning has started well I;ve incresaed the length of the wokrout routine to just under 10 minutes. If I can keep that up twice a day and do it every day I will be close to the recccomended excercise levels. Its not running a marathon - or even 'only 6k' but maybe this year I will enter the 'Race for Life'
I drank loads of water before I did Anything and I am thoroughly enjoying breakfast whic is being slowly and very conciously. I'm going to terat myself to lunch from the canteen today. Yesterdays sandwices were less than insiring - but the eccles cake was a delight and got eaten much slowere than I normally would have done
So today the start has been better than yesterday. Lets hope it keeps on that way
But not as many as I normally would have done so thats good.
This morning has started well I;ve incresaed the length of the wokrout routine to just under 10 minutes. If I can keep that up twice a day and do it every day I will be close to the recccomended excercise levels. Its not running a marathon - or even 'only 6k' but maybe this year I will enter the 'Race for Life'
I drank loads of water before I did Anything and I am thoroughly enjoying breakfast whic is being slowly and very conciously. I'm going to terat myself to lunch from the canteen today. Yesterdays sandwices were less than insiring - but the eccles cake was a delight and got eaten much slowere than I normally would have done
So today the start has been better than yesterday. Lets hope it keeps on that way
Thursday 15 January 2009
Move your body
As I write this I am slightly breathless from my minin workout routine. I devised a little routine based on the excercises used in my sinla rehab class. I use a kick stool (not one with wheels!) and I am u to 30 ste ups normal, 30 steps across sideways and 200 stes running (or walking) on the spot. It took me 5 minutes.
One of the items on Pauls checlist is 'move your body' and he emhasises that it doesn't have to mean joining a gym or anything like that (and certainly not marathon training!) Its just trying to put more movement into your day. I used to walk to work. Since that is not an option at the moment due to time constraints, my routine is at least better than nothing. And that guy Paul had on hos show said all he did was go for short walks a couple of times a week. So I know my 'workout' will help. It certainly left me breathless. Becasue I know the health messages I know I'm not doing anough at the moment but I reckon I can get it up to two 10 minute sessions morning and evening and then I will be close to the reccomended level.
So I think I've got that bit of the rgramme cracked. I am concentrating on eating slowly, but I don't think I've got the 'eating what you want' bit sorted yet which is weird. I feel I am still using that as an excuse to snack - mind you watching Most Haunted Live is not good for avoiding snacks so I may do better when the live is over!!
One thing I am doing better at is drinking water. I've ha 2 glasses this morning afer te workout and I had a bottle of water with me in the disensary at work yesterday. Drinking water will hel me manage my bladder roblems as well (oh the delights of being post menopausal.
I am setting myself the goal of losing a stone in 3 months.
All in all I am feeling positive today
One of the items on Pauls checlist is 'move your body' and he emhasises that it doesn't have to mean joining a gym or anything like that (and certainly not marathon training!) Its just trying to put more movement into your day. I used to walk to work. Since that is not an option at the moment due to time constraints, my routine is at least better than nothing. And that guy Paul had on hos show said all he did was go for short walks a couple of times a week. So I know my 'workout' will help. It certainly left me breathless. Becasue I know the health messages I know I'm not doing anough at the moment but I reckon I can get it up to two 10 minute sessions morning and evening and then I will be close to the reccomended level.
So I think I've got that bit of the rgramme cracked. I am concentrating on eating slowly, but I don't think I've got the 'eating what you want' bit sorted yet which is weird. I feel I am still using that as an excuse to snack - mind you watching Most Haunted Live is not good for avoiding snacks so I may do better when the live is over!!
One thing I am doing better at is drinking water. I've ha 2 glasses this morning afer te workout and I had a bottle of water with me in the disensary at work yesterday. Drinking water will hel me manage my bladder roblems as well (oh the delights of being post menopausal.
I am setting myself the goal of losing a stone in 3 months.
All in all I am feeling positive today
Tuesday 13 January 2009
Help from another blogger
I just read Sharon's blog about 'Does it matter' and was reminded of some advice Isaw once. 'Frame every saw called disaster with the words 'In 10 years time will ths matter'
So although I feel yesterday was NOTa good day for me, its done and over and it doesn't matter. I now need to see what I can learn from it so things go better in future.
First thing is what do I WANT from Pauls weight loss programme? I want tobe healthier so my back and knees don't hurt so much. As pharmacist I know all the long term health risks of being overweight. I do NOT want to end u on the normal cocktail of Diuretic, statin, asirin , and osisbly Metformin. It isn't about looking good its about FEELING good.
There is a good scientific basis for the eating habits Paul is guiding us towards. It was proved back in the 70's that one easy weigh to lose weght was to split your current intake into 6 small meals rather 3 larger ones. So 'grazing' (eat when you are hungry) is a good idea. But it is so difficult to fit into a working day. It will be easier when I am not working at the hospital. Roll on retirment
Mr Motivator is the TV as I tye this and I am highly amused to see he is leading his class througha quick routine like the one I have dveised for myself. - and for about te same time. Excercise is a vital art of the equation - and I am giving myself a at on the back for devising that mini workout for myself..
Anyway I think the best thing I can do is sto talking and start doing. I feel motivated , in control and good about myself.
So although I feel yesterday was NOTa good day for me, its done and over and it doesn't matter. I now need to see what I can learn from it so things go better in future.
First thing is what do I WANT from Pauls weight loss programme? I want tobe healthier so my back and knees don't hurt so much. As pharmacist I know all the long term health risks of being overweight. I do NOT want to end u on the normal cocktail of Diuretic, statin, asirin , and osisbly Metformin. It isn't about looking good its about FEELING good.
There is a good scientific basis for the eating habits Paul is guiding us towards. It was proved back in the 70's that one easy weigh to lose weght was to split your current intake into 6 small meals rather 3 larger ones. So 'grazing' (eat when you are hungry) is a good idea. But it is so difficult to fit into a working day. It will be easier when I am not working at the hospital. Roll on retirment
Mr Motivator is the TV as I tye this and I am highly amused to see he is leading his class througha quick routine like the one I have dveised for myself. - and for about te same time. Excercise is a vital art of the equation - and I am giving myself a at on the back for devising that mini workout for myself..
Anyway I think the best thing I can do is sto talking and start doing. I feel motivated , in control and good about myself.
Monday 12 January 2009
Grrr
I've had a bloody awful day. Chocolate, tortilla chips, crips , biscuits and forgetting to eat slowly. I haven't binged and eaten huge quatitiies - but I've not done well AT ALL.
HHHHEEEELLPPPPPPP
HHHHEEEELLPPPPPPP
A we Monday morning
My mood is as miserable as the weather. I can't shake off ths cold and I feel very lethargic. I've decided not to go to work. It is very difficult to motivate myself to go in when I am so close to leaving completely. I know I'll take a fnancial hit from taking sick leave but time IS more imortant to me than money at the moment.
I am becoming more and more convinced that staying on as a locum at the hospital would be te worst ossible option for me. I need to make a new start after the dire events of last year, and that means a total break for a while.
Is making a new start vital for me to lose weight or is losing weight a vital art of the new start? I honestly don't know. I am trying REALLY trying to stick to the golden rules. But this morning I have had breakfast and I am sitting here feeling that gnawing hunger that I know is emotional not real. I am wondering if I can really get to grips with the emotional aspects while things are so uncertain as regards Edna and work. Or am I using that as an excuse? In my defence if I give in to 'emotional' eating right now, it will probably be something relatively healthy (fruit, cereal wholemeal toast) and not chocolate or crisps or biscuits. But my first move will be to drink LOTS of water and then have a cup of decaf coffee when I will review how I feel. A bath may be on the agenda as well - nice and relaxing and I can listne to one of Pauls tapes to hel me relax.
I know from past exerience that I get stressed by feeling that things are out of control. I de-stress by finding ways to take control. So taking control of food should de-stress me. I will end on that positive note - and go and get myself a LARGE glass of water
I am becoming more and more convinced that staying on as a locum at the hospital would be te worst ossible option for me. I need to make a new start after the dire events of last year, and that means a total break for a while.
Is making a new start vital for me to lose weight or is losing weight a vital art of the new start? I honestly don't know. I am trying REALLY trying to stick to the golden rules. But this morning I have had breakfast and I am sitting here feeling that gnawing hunger that I know is emotional not real. I am wondering if I can really get to grips with the emotional aspects while things are so uncertain as regards Edna and work. Or am I using that as an excuse? In my defence if I give in to 'emotional' eating right now, it will probably be something relatively healthy (fruit, cereal wholemeal toast) and not chocolate or crisps or biscuits. But my first move will be to drink LOTS of water and then have a cup of decaf coffee when I will review how I feel. A bath may be on the agenda as well - nice and relaxing and I can listne to one of Pauls tapes to hel me relax.
I know from past exerience that I get stressed by feeling that things are out of control. I de-stress by finding ways to take control. So taking control of food should de-stress me. I will end on that positive note - and go and get myself a LARGE glass of water
Sunday 11 January 2009
A windy sunday night
Its nearly midnight - who can sleep when MHL is on - and its very windy. Today has been a mixed day. I weighed myself an I haven't put weight on over Xmas. 14st 10.5 lbs. I was sure I would be over 15st. So that was good.
I've arranged for the litchen to be fitted, paid Edna's rent, cleared mouldy food out of her flat, done some laundry and picke up post and treats for her. I dropped them off at West heath for her. She was alseep so I decided NOT to wake her. Adam one of the nurses? auxilaries? said he'd tell her what was going on.
Food has been a disaster today, I haven't drunk water but I dd have the energy to do part of my little work out. But my cold is awful and I feel dire.
I have done a lot of thinking about the future and I have decided that I can't rule out the possibility of having a significant carer role for Edna after I retire. I will have to see what financial arrangments can be made. I can't ignore her needs.
I am approaching a major life change when I retire and this blog is about helping me manage the changes as well as managing my weight. I managed to be more constructive today than I thought this morning so I do feel pleased. I am not going to beat myself up about the food disaster (mainly tortilla chips but some chocolate as well) Tommorrow is another day and I can practice the golden rules again.
I've arranged for the litchen to be fitted, paid Edna's rent, cleared mouldy food out of her flat, done some laundry and picke up post and treats for her. I dropped them off at West heath for her. She was alseep so I decided NOT to wake her. Adam one of the nurses? auxilaries? said he'd tell her what was going on.
Food has been a disaster today, I haven't drunk water but I dd have the energy to do part of my little work out. But my cold is awful and I feel dire.
I have done a lot of thinking about the future and I have decided that I can't rule out the possibility of having a significant carer role for Edna after I retire. I will have to see what financial arrangments can be made. I can't ignore her needs.
I am approaching a major life change when I retire and this blog is about helping me manage the changes as well as managing my weight. I managed to be more constructive today than I thought this morning so I do feel pleased. I am not going to beat myself up about the food disaster (mainly tortilla chips but some chocolate as well) Tommorrow is another day and I can practice the golden rules again.
Reflections on a dismal Sunday morning
Its cold and windy, my cold is still horrible, I feel overwhelmed by things to do today so I feel really down. However making blog entries is theraeutic and I've realised is my version of the mrror excecise. Its how I affirm I matter. By taking the time to make an entry I am taking 'me'time , and helping myself sort out problems .
Breakfast was ap ure indulgence. Fried eggs on toast. I thought about what I wanted - realised I wanted something crunchy and savoury and realised I haven;t had fried eggs for a longtime. Breakfast was delicious. I savoured every mouthful. Trouble is I am sitting here feeling hungry - and I know it is emotional hunger because I feel so overwhelmed.
I want to send time with Tony today, but I need to go over to Fosters to sort some things out for Ena and then I will need to go to West Heath to see Edna . I want to cook a nice sunday dinner for us and I don;t see hw I can mange everything and I am sitting here thinking 'I hate myself becasue I am total failure'
If I can deal with that emotion, the hunger will go. So I need ap lan to deal with the hunger.Best thing is to make a start and DO things while Tony is still asleep. So I am going to make a cuof coffee and then ring Fosters to fins out how much Edna's rent is.
Breakfast was ap ure indulgence. Fried eggs on toast. I thought about what I wanted - realised I wanted something crunchy and savoury and realised I haven;t had fried eggs for a longtime. Breakfast was delicious. I savoured every mouthful. Trouble is I am sitting here feeling hungry - and I know it is emotional hunger because I feel so overwhelmed.
I want to send time with Tony today, but I need to go over to Fosters to sort some things out for Ena and then I will need to go to West Heath to see Edna . I want to cook a nice sunday dinner for us and I don;t see hw I can mange everything and I am sitting here thinking 'I hate myself becasue I am total failure'
If I can deal with that emotion, the hunger will go. So I need ap lan to deal with the hunger.Best thing is to make a start and DO things while Tony is still asleep. So I am going to make a cuof coffee and then ring Fosters to fins out how much Edna's rent is.
Saturday 10 January 2009
What is the programme about
A lot of what is in the programme and what I have seen of the TV shows Paul has done do not really aly to me. I am NOT a yoyo dieter, I do NOT have a secret stash of anything, I do enjoy healthy food. My weakness is snacking with biscuits and cheese and biscuits, crisps and comfort eating when I will eat chocolate, or cakes.
As a pharmacist I also know the rules for healthy eating fruit and vegetables, fibre controling saturated fats etc. But I have always tended to eat very fast and eat large portions. the rogramme has heled me to slow down my eating and I do eat smaller portions.
The aim of the rogramme is to help us reduce out food intake and increase our level of excercise. I know if I can control my comfort eating and increase my excercise I will lose weight.
So how have I done with the golden rules today
I ate slowly and conciously (even the chocolates!) but I was too bust today to sto and eat when I was hungry, so I ate on the move - not good. But I ate fruit.
I have felt very hungry today but I know it is nervous hunger.
I did stop eating my dinner when I was full - but ddn;t mange too well the rest of the day.
I didn;t exactly eat what I wanted - but it sure wasn't diet food!!
I did wel with excecise. i walked to the hairdressers and back, and this evening I used the kick stool for some step excercises and then did some marching on the spot like I used to do in my spinal rehab class. So I did move my body
I didn't drink water
I didn;t do the mirror excecise - unless thee high I got when I saw how I looked after the hardresser had finished counts. But I loved myself enough to want to look good - so I id GO to teh hairdresser
I lsitend to the tae last night.
Not a total success in terms of tiking all the boxes - but still a sucess because . THe idea of the programme is to help us be in control of food - not the food in control of us. Stixking slavishly to thep rogramme doesn't hel unless you really understand what you are dong and understand yourself. I think I score highly there.
My goal tommorrow is to try not to snack................
As a pharmacist I also know the rules for healthy eating fruit and vegetables, fibre controling saturated fats etc. But I have always tended to eat very fast and eat large portions. the rogramme has heled me to slow down my eating and I do eat smaller portions.
The aim of the rogramme is to help us reduce out food intake and increase our level of excercise. I know if I can control my comfort eating and increase my excercise I will lose weight.
So how have I done with the golden rules today
I ate slowly and conciously (even the chocolates!) but I was too bust today to sto and eat when I was hungry, so I ate on the move - not good. But I ate fruit.
I have felt very hungry today but I know it is nervous hunger.
I did stop eating my dinner when I was full - but ddn;t mange too well the rest of the day.
I didn;t exactly eat what I wanted - but it sure wasn't diet food!!
I did wel with excecise. i walked to the hairdressers and back, and this evening I used the kick stool for some step excercises and then did some marching on the spot like I used to do in my spinal rehab class. So I did move my body
I didn't drink water
I didn;t do the mirror excecise - unless thee high I got when I saw how I looked after the hardresser had finished counts. But I loved myself enough to want to look good - so I id GO to teh hairdresser
I lsitend to the tae last night.
Not a total success in terms of tiking all the boxes - but still a sucess because . THe idea of the programme is to help us be in control of food - not the food in control of us. Stixking slavishly to thep rogramme doesn't hel unless you really understand what you are dong and understand yourself. I think I score highly there.
My goal tommorrow is to try not to snack................
Friday 9 January 2009
Day one of the new regime
I woke up feeling awful. My cold hd broken and my back was so stiff it was unebelievable. But I managed to use the kick stool as a step bench and do 20 step ups.
Last night I listened to the wieght loss tape before I went to sleep (or tried to go to sleep at least. I ened up taking a sleeping tablet)
Despite feeling bad I still went to work although I managged to stay all day in the dispensary rather than go to the wards.
So how did I do with the programe
I ate when I was hungry - although I am hungry now -but I have just had a Jammie dodger with my tea.
I ate what I wanted - sugar in my morning coffee, sugar on my cereal peanut butter sandwiches for lunch and tea is going to be the reamins of the chinese we had the other night
I ate slowly and conciosuly - my eating has really slowed down
I stoed when I was full - yup managed that OK. I also managed to avoid comfort eating
I haven't done the mirror excecise and I must do it. My main problem with the rogramme is that I can't imagine myself being slim because I dont think I can lose the weight. My self image is getting in the way and needs to be changed.
I drank water
I moved my body as much as I could with my back playing up
So I haven't done too badly - but I could do better.
I haven't weighed myself and I wonder if I should or will it only depress me? For me this isn't about figures, its about how I feel. Can I be objective enough to measure success with something intangible? I'll think about it.
In the meantime I am looking forward to chilling out over the weekend. Chilling is thr right word for it having seen the forecast. At least no more snow is forecast.
I wil have to go and see Edna at some point. I cancelled today becasue of my cold. Feeling good about yourself when you are ill isn't easy. Here's hoing I feel better tommorrow
Last night I listened to the wieght loss tape before I went to sleep (or tried to go to sleep at least. I ened up taking a sleeping tablet)
Despite feeling bad I still went to work although I managged to stay all day in the dispensary rather than go to the wards.
So how did I do with the programe
I ate when I was hungry - although I am hungry now -but I have just had a Jammie dodger with my tea.
I ate what I wanted - sugar in my morning coffee, sugar on my cereal peanut butter sandwiches for lunch and tea is going to be the reamins of the chinese we had the other night
I ate slowly and conciosuly - my eating has really slowed down
I stoed when I was full - yup managed that OK. I also managed to avoid comfort eating
I haven't done the mirror excecise and I must do it. My main problem with the rogramme is that I can't imagine myself being slim because I dont think I can lose the weight. My self image is getting in the way and needs to be changed.
I drank water
I moved my body as much as I could with my back playing up
So I haven't done too badly - but I could do better.
I haven't weighed myself and I wonder if I should or will it only depress me? For me this isn't about figures, its about how I feel. Can I be objective enough to measure success with something intangible? I'll think about it.
In the meantime I am looking forward to chilling out over the weekend. Chilling is thr right word for it having seen the forecast. At least no more snow is forecast.
I wil have to go and see Edna at some point. I cancelled today becasue of my cold. Feeling good about yourself when you are ill isn't easy. Here's hoing I feel better tommorrow
Thursday 8 January 2009
Review
Serendiity is a wonderful thing. This morning I made my first entry for weeks, and this evening I get a request from someone who spotted the link on the Paul McKenna FB site to be allowed to read the blog. Somebody is telling me something and I am listening -since it can only be good news.
I did do a quick review of some of my earlier posts. Its useful to be reminded of how I thought/acted in situations in the past. There is no doubt blogging is useful therapy for me provided I keep a balanced and realistic view of things.
Reviwing how I am doing with the programme it is crystal clear my problem is poor self image and self esteem. Dealing with a weight problem is something you can only do if you think you are worth helping. So I must start using the tapes again and I must do the mirror excercise or use the visualisations from 'Change your life'
I know the concious eating thing is working because I am eating smaller portions. I couldn't finish my dinner tonight (home made stew and chips yum) But I am comfort eating (bsicuits mainly)
I need to find other ways to make myself feel better.
I am going to get the kick stool in a minute and use it for some step excercises as an easy way to increase the amount of excercise I've done. I do need to increase the walking I do
I really DO feel positive about things. I even managed to do some CPD at work (Must enter it on the website later) .
Maybe things really ARE turning round for me
I did do a quick review of some of my earlier posts. Its useful to be reminded of how I thought/acted in situations in the past. There is no doubt blogging is useful therapy for me provided I keep a balanced and realistic view of things.
Reviwing how I am doing with the programme it is crystal clear my problem is poor self image and self esteem. Dealing with a weight problem is something you can only do if you think you are worth helping. So I must start using the tapes again and I must do the mirror excercise or use the visualisations from 'Change your life'
I know the concious eating thing is working because I am eating smaller portions. I couldn't finish my dinner tonight (home made stew and chips yum) But I am comfort eating (bsicuits mainly)
I need to find other ways to make myself feel better.
I am going to get the kick stool in a minute and use it for some step excercises as an easy way to increase the amount of excercise I've done. I do need to increase the walking I do
I really DO feel positive about things. I even managed to do some CPD at work (Must enter it on the website later) .
Maybe things really ARE turning round for me
New year new motivation
Hallo Sharon - I hope you've manage to find this. The original idea behind this blog was to use it a substitute for the success journal published to go along with Paul's book. I don;t know if you've seen it but every day you are promted to review a number of things
Did you eat what you wanted?
Did you eat when you were hungry?
Did you eat conciously?
Dd you stop when you were full?
Dif you drink water?
Did you move your body?
Did you do the mirror excercise?
Did you listen to the hynosis CD?
After a dreadful year (see the first post for a summary of my life in 2008 - it hasn't been good) I found it useful to use the blog to hel me reflect on why things were getting in the way of me losing weight - and in the end it became a safety valve that kept me sane sort of.
My new year resoluton was of course to lose weight. I am 5'2 and weigh just under 15 stone so I weigh about the same as you I think.
Knowing you will be reading this and encouragig me has given me a great motivation to keep up with this blog, and keep up with the programme. I hope you feel similarly motivated
Anyway how have I done today over the ast few days?
Not as well as I would have hoped. Eating when your hungry is tricky at work. But I have eaten what I wanted (i.e. not diet food!) Lunch at work always used to be crisbreads because bread was fattening. Now I take sandwiches. Breakfast and dinner at home are not a problem.
I have eaten slowly and consciously and made eforts to recognise when I am full.
I've been drinking water.
I haven;t walked as much as I would like
I haven't done the mirror excercse and I must. My self image/self esteem are low, and I MUST make efforts to imrove them.
I haven't listened to the CD - either CD (weight loss and change your life in 7 days) for ages. I must get back in the habit. I normally use them at bedtime and they hel me slee as well.
Sharon you have got me thinking positivly. THANK YOU
Did you eat what you wanted?
Did you eat when you were hungry?
Did you eat conciously?
Dd you stop when you were full?
Dif you drink water?
Did you move your body?
Did you do the mirror excercise?
Did you listen to the hynosis CD?
After a dreadful year (see the first post for a summary of my life in 2008 - it hasn't been good) I found it useful to use the blog to hel me reflect on why things were getting in the way of me losing weight - and in the end it became a safety valve that kept me sane sort of.
My new year resoluton was of course to lose weight. I am 5'2 and weigh just under 15 stone so I weigh about the same as you I think.
Knowing you will be reading this and encouragig me has given me a great motivation to keep up with this blog, and keep up with the programme. I hope you feel similarly motivated
Anyway how have I done today over the ast few days?
Not as well as I would have hoped. Eating when your hungry is tricky at work. But I have eaten what I wanted (i.e. not diet food!) Lunch at work always used to be crisbreads because bread was fattening. Now I take sandwiches. Breakfast and dinner at home are not a problem.
I have eaten slowly and consciously and made eforts to recognise when I am full.
I've been drinking water.
I haven;t walked as much as I would like
I haven't done the mirror excercse and I must. My self image/self esteem are low, and I MUST make efforts to imrove them.
I haven't listened to the CD - either CD (weight loss and change your life in 7 days) for ages. I must get back in the habit. I normally use them at bedtime and they hel me slee as well.
Sharon you have got me thinking positivly. THANK YOU
How time flies
Nearly 3 months since my last post. In the intervening period, Edna has been in hosital twice (and is still in hosital now) I got signed off sick again but am now back at work. The boys moved, Steve decided he was going to live in No 6 when it is renovated, Christmas happened, twothousand and hate finally ended.
The good things are I've had my money from Mum's estate so I can have a new kitchen fitted at 36. Since I've lost track of what I have made entries about, Steve ordered a new kitchen for no 6 and the ofer was so good, I decided to hell with it and orered a new for here - fitting and payment defferred until I was better (and had the money)
Originally the money was to have been from my retirment pot. However although I finally got my retireiment sorted out I don't retire until 1st March . However it IS sorted out, and I am in the final countdown to leaving the hosital. I have so much leave accrued I am taking the whole of February off!!
I am still managing to take a positive view of things - just. Psycholigically the end of 2008 was a huge help. But it doesn't take much to get me very stressed and I know I've got to manage that better - which is why I have turned to this blog again I supose.
Later on I will read the old entries and fill in the gas in the story - it will hel me sort things out i my head.
I don't feel I am managing the changes very well at the moment. My eating is out of control but I am making ositive efforts to get it back under control. I can look at my situation and give myself a pat on the back and say if a bit of weight gain has been my main resonse to the disasters of the past year I've done well.
I need to get 3 things sorted out
My weight
CPD
A new job .
One external factor that has chnaged a lot since my last entry has been the global economic downturn and crdeit crunch so a job may be harder to find than I thought , and together with other peole we may have to tighten our belts a little - but we have not been hit with massive mortgage rises (10 year fixed rate oh yes!) and I will soon be able to a off all my credit cards and other loans. I feel no comunction to save at the moment because interest rates are down to 2% and likely to drop even lower so paying off all the loans and cards (even Tony's card) makes massive sense if our income is going to drop.
I feel better for having been discilined enough to make an entry here.
The good things are I've had my money from Mum's estate so I can have a new kitchen fitted at 36. Since I've lost track of what I have made entries about, Steve ordered a new kitchen for no 6 and the ofer was so good, I decided to hell with it and orered a new for here - fitting and payment defferred until I was better (and had the money)
Originally the money was to have been from my retirment pot. However although I finally got my retireiment sorted out I don't retire until 1st March . However it IS sorted out, and I am in the final countdown to leaving the hosital. I have so much leave accrued I am taking the whole of February off!!
I am still managing to take a positive view of things - just. Psycholigically the end of 2008 was a huge help. But it doesn't take much to get me very stressed and I know I've got to manage that better - which is why I have turned to this blog again I supose.
Later on I will read the old entries and fill in the gas in the story - it will hel me sort things out i my head.
I don't feel I am managing the changes very well at the moment. My eating is out of control but I am making ositive efforts to get it back under control. I can look at my situation and give myself a pat on the back and say if a bit of weight gain has been my main resonse to the disasters of the past year I've done well.
I need to get 3 things sorted out
My weight
CPD
A new job .
One external factor that has chnaged a lot since my last entry has been the global economic downturn and crdeit crunch so a job may be harder to find than I thought , and together with other peole we may have to tighten our belts a little - but we have not been hit with massive mortgage rises (10 year fixed rate oh yes!) and I will soon be able to a off all my credit cards and other loans. I feel no comunction to save at the moment because interest rates are down to 2% and likely to drop even lower so paying off all the loans and cards (even Tony's card) makes massive sense if our income is going to drop.
I feel better for having been discilined enough to make an entry here.
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