Self Image

This is one of the days when my two blogs seem to overlap. I have been drawn to focus on the importance of self image - and I think i need to look carefully at MY self image if am to achieve my goals. This is one occasion when blogging as meditation comes into its own

So how do I REALLY see myself? Am I a pharmacist or a reiki practitioner or a hypnotherapist? Am I healthy or unhealthy? Am I confident or timid?

A question I can answer at last. I am confident when I know what I am talking about, when I understand what I am involved in.

What do I do that promotes my health? I do exercise a lot more than I used to, and I do make healthier food choices than I used to. I make time to meditate and that has been shown to promote good health. I certainly didn't do any of that when I first started this blog.

Can I be a pharmacist AND a reiki practitioner AND a hypnotherapist? Of course I can. They are not mutually exclusive. I even had an idea before I got up. I thought about contacting the PCT or DAT when I get my hypnotherapy certificate and asking if they would see a role for hypnotherapy with their clients. I think they will take me more seriously because I am a pharmacist.

And yesterday I used my Athens password to search medical databases for the term 'reiki' and got over 1000 hits including a paper on reiki in critical care.

Lets be honest I would love ROH to do some research on reiki in a hospital setting using me as a reiki practitioner.

So how do I really see myself? As someone with potential for lots of things who needs to focus to achieve it. It won't happen unless I put the work in.

I am also over weight - but in reasonable health.

I waste too much time on FB and Locumvoice. I need to be focussed if I am to get my HPD.I haven't focussed in the evenings as I should have done this week. Why not? Tiredness, distraction with Steven Young here, fear of failure - fear that my cases wont be acceptable. Why do I think that? Because I still DO tend to think of myself as a failure and assume things MUST go wrong in some way. Hmmmm - that is a very ingrained attitude. Its been a round a long while - and I got an image of Mum in my head as I thought about it. Mum didn't trust anyone to do anything (neither does Pam the technician at ROH) so I don't trust myself. I feel Pam will always find some fault with what I do at ROH - and her procedures are picky and complex in the extreme. I wont bring CD's back from wards because I don't understand their procedure. It makes no sense.

And every time I feel I am worried about getting one of Pam's procedures wrong I send myself a signal saying 'You always get things wrong'. THATS why I am having self image issues. I need to deal with this if I am to cope at ROH. Big wake up call or what?

I really do see myself as failing at everything STILL. This is not good. But at least I have now relaised and can do something about it - I hope.

I have a LOT to think about.