I am typing this blearily on the morning after a ghost hunt. Mind you I did get 6 hours sleep. Got to bed at 4 and woke up again at 10.

Ghost Hunts tend to be high carbohydrate caffeine filled fests . But on the other hand I am moving around long after I would normally have gone to bed. Most of my caffeine lasy night was sugar free Irnbru - but I did hit the cakes and flapjack bites. Oh and a sausage roll.

So this morning I sit here feeling sluggish, but a bit peckish. Interestingly although I am tired I haven't eaten yet and what is tempting me is cereal fruit and fromage frais - i.e. my normal breakfast. The quick fix breakfast of toast doesn't appeal. Although I must admit a quick fix of waffles does.

As well as being tired, I am dealing with demons of jealousy and delf doubt. The hunt was flat for me - but Tony had an amazing wow moment. A spirit that tried to channel through him - but he was able to keep him out. And the information he got was confirmed later. He also did three spot on readings. Mind you I did one as well. But when I see Tony doing things I would LOVE to do and can't it does upset me. It feels so unfair.

I got interrupted there by Tony waking up. So I made both of us a drink and got myself some breakfast. And I have toast with banana. Its wholemeal bread and I didnt use any fate spread on it so its healthy - comforting.

I need the comfort to re-assure myself that I am not a total failure. I am sort of wathcing Supersize vs Skinny as I blog. I don't have the extreme viws of some of the people on that....at least I don't think so.

But at least I can recognise when I am using food for other than nutritional reasons! Am I really comfort eating this morning. Hell yes! Inside I feel crap. I need to do something to re-assure myself that I have my own gifts. I have eaten the toast - and I still feel hungry.

I am sitting here thinking 'I am crap. I can't do anything I would really like to do. I'll never do the things Tony does . '

I need some MAJOR soul searching today to get myself out of this mood