Learning from my mistakes

I have made so many mistakes since the beginning of April. I really need to learn from those mistakes.

Mistake 1

When my regular work came to an end my first thought was 'I am no longer standing/walking for five hours a day. How am I going to burn those calories another way' I never gave any thought to the possible mental problems lack of work would cause me.

Mistake 2

When I realised I needed to set myself goals to get some organisation and structure back into my life I felt I had to be doing 'proper' things (OU work, stuff for the reiki business etc) by 9.00 am to try and do a proper working day.

Mistake 3

I stopped listening to my body - which was telling me all sorts of things about needing more sleep, needing more water etc

Mistake 4

I wrongly put my spiritual time into the category of .non essential' so it needed to be done BEFORE 9.00.


The result of all these mistakes was that I became very tired, very depressed, felt I was a failure, wasn't able to focus an anything.

Why did I make those mistakes? One very simple reason really. I totally failed to recognise the massive loss of self esteem caused by not having regular work. I know I did blog about that at one point - but even as I was blogging about it I felt wimpish for feeling like that.

Over the past few days I have given up on the idea of a 9.00 start to 'work' I am making an effort to make LOTS of time for my meditations. When the alarm goes off at 6.30 I am turning it off and staying in bed. I get up when I properly wake up again - usually about 7.30.

And I feel much better much more relaxed and much happier.

I really don't have timetables to work to - apart from my OU work. I was putting unrealistic pressure on myself to get things done - then feeling bad when I couldn't live up to my own unrealistic expectations.

So from now on my motto is 'get real'

I need to realise a lot of things

The world will not fall apart if I take the time I have been given to relax and enjoy myself.

I can go to the park after 8.00 or 8.30 or even 9.

Meditation is not a luxury - it is an important part of my mental/spiritual support system

I am still useful even if no-one is paying me to do things

I have repeatedly pulled the Ear Chakras card from one of our oracle decks. It tells me to listen to things going on around me. I think -no I KNOW - one of the things I need to listen to is what my body is telling me.

OK so now I need to make some more realistic aims - and remind myself I am still on track to fulfill all my new year resolutions!

That will give me something to think about today - maybe even the focus of my meditation