Memories

Yesterday didn't go as I had planned. Not a major problem as I didn't really HAVE any plans. But for some reason yesterday I got sent back to unpleasant memories. For some reason this year Hallowe'en has just reminded me of Alan's drinking. And then one of my FB friends posted a status about the hell of watching a relative with dementia. No prizes for guessing where THAT took me. And I found myself thinking about David .

Inside I am more more upset that I should be - and more upset than anyone round me knows. In fact Tony doesn't realise what's going inside me. And I can't talk to him about it. No correction I COULD but don't want to. I was a real bore about Alan in my pre Paul McKenna days. I know I was.

Ironically these memories have been pushed to the front on the day Steve showed that he is undoubtedly going to be a success in life. He's got a job interview. OK its not the same as getting a job but it shows he's putting his CV about - and clearly people consider his CV shows promise.


I should be happy - but I can't shake off those bad memories. So this morning I am feeling demotivated, somewhat tired (but thats partly due to the clocks gong back I think) and definitely doing a lot of 'ruminating'

I need to make sure thr ruminating is productive not destructive