A spiritual kick up the backside

Well it was what I needed - and frankly it was what I got. The details are in the other blog so I won;t repeat them here.

Despite not getting to bed till midnight last night after the game went on till nearly 11, this morning I feel bright eyed and bushy tailed. And more importantly ORGANISED.

I have meditated and exercised this morning, as well as feeding the cats and tidying the kitchen, I have nearly an hour before I need to go to work to fit in breakfast, showering and dressing.I am eating breakfast as I type this.

I have surprised myself with my exercise . Having mot used the wii fit for nearly 2 weeks, when I used it , I went straight in with 30 minutes step aerobics. And this morning I have moved up to jogging. Not a short or long run but an island lap. I felt no psychological need to build up . Which is interesting. Visualising the walk across the park this morning I am thinking 'bring it on' so I am clearly over the lurgy. But I am wondering how I will feel after a day at ROH. I think I need to use the walk to visualise the day going really well. I WILL ask for some angelic help - indeed I have already done so as part of my meditation.

Today the job on my 'must do' list is to fill out the forms for the UK Reiki federation. I am not sure I will get anything else done as I am meant to be going to the stargazy party for 'Frankie' - one of the pharmacists I got to know through Locumvoice who sadly died of pancreatic cancer earlier this year. As I probably live closest of any of the forum members (it is in Stratford) I should go. I am not sure I will have the energy for the drive - but maybe I should just visualise myself getting there and getting back with no problems.

Having felt very negative yesterday I feel much more positive today.

Memories

Yesterday didn't go as I had planned. Not a major problem as I didn't really HAVE any plans. But for some reason yesterday I got sent back to unpleasant memories. For some reason this year Hallowe'en has just reminded me of Alan's drinking. And then one of my FB friends posted a status about the hell of watching a relative with dementia. No prizes for guessing where THAT took me. And I found myself thinking about David .

Inside I am more more upset that I should be - and more upset than anyone round me knows. In fact Tony doesn't realise what's going inside me. And I can't talk to him about it. No correction I COULD but don't want to. I was a real bore about Alan in my pre Paul McKenna days. I know I was.

Ironically these memories have been pushed to the front on the day Steve showed that he is undoubtedly going to be a success in life. He's got a job interview. OK its not the same as getting a job but it shows he's putting his CV about - and clearly people consider his CV shows promise.


I should be happy - but I can't shake off those bad memories. So this morning I am feeling demotivated, somewhat tired (but thats partly due to the clocks gong back I think) and definitely doing a lot of 'ruminating'

I need to make sure thr ruminating is productive not destructive

Not sure what's got into me today! I had a lie in till nearly 8, then got up . Having 4 cats is not compatible with staying in bed in the morning! My intention was to chill use the laptop, watch tv for a bit. But I got the urge to use the wii fit. 30 minutes and 3450 steps later I am having breakfast and my second cup of coffee. For some reason the wii fit is my friend at the moment

OK I wrote that a little under 2 hours ago. In the meantime Steve has been over to tell me he has a job interview, and then asked for a lift to do some shopping. I have just got back from that.

The job interview is quite a feat as he has only been looking for 2 months. Its for an assistant manager at a new Sue Ryder shop that will be opening in Kings Heath. Of course having an interview isn't the same as having a job - but clearly his CV isn't putting people off.

So I have been shopping - including laying in some treats for the inevitable trick or treaters. I dislike trick or treat - its an american holiday that has only made its way over here because we see so much american tv. I am just a bit of a Grumpy Old Woman about it to be honest. But Like so many other people I give into the gentle blackmail. Thank heavens Steve never wanted to go trick or treating. Hallow E'en was always a difficult time in our family because it was Alan's late brothers birthday - and always drove him to drink.

I sometimes wonder if a medium could ever bring David through. I never met him because he died in 1964 - but his death had a massive impact on me thanks to its effect on Alan and Edna.

But that is stupid thinking. I am feeling inspired today. I am going to do some home cooking - we have lots of fresh vegetables that I can do some wonderful stuff with. I am thinking some home made soup could be delicious - and healthy. Cooking is very therapeutic. But I do need to find some meditation time as well - and the portfolio may be a lost cause today :-(.

For a day when I intended to chill and do my own thing how come I feel I don't have enough time to do everything?????

I AM TIRED. I am SO glad its Friday and I will NEVER commit to doing a fullweek again. Sorry Little Aston. 3 days a week is my maximum for EVERYONE.

I overslept, well to be honest I was awake but couldn't get out of bed. I have meditated VERY briefly but I've made the effort, and I am blogging VERY briefly, but again I am making the effort.

I really haven't been sleeping well this week. I've had a letter from my consultant telling me my thyroxine levels are still a bit too high - which could be why my sleep has been a problem - but I don't think so. Officially I need to wait for my GP to tell me what my new doses are - but knowing what I do about my drugs I've jumped the gun and I've only taken 100mcg today. I will take 150 tomorrow which works out at 125 a day. I will ring my GP and see if I can find out what I should be on.

And my sleep problem? I suspect NOT driving 40 miles a day will solve that problem.

Next week I am going to get going with my portfolio. In fact I will work on it over the weekend. I want to focus on my hypnotherapy and reiki as much as possible. Its MUCH less stressful than Pharmacy!

I overslept yesterday - so no entry . I didn't even have time to meditate. However this morning I was up on time, and have meditated as well as eating breakfast.

I am coping OK - but BOY do I know I have done a full week. I could NOT do this on a regular basis. But I will survive this week OK I am sure about that. I will even be ok for my 4 days at ROH next week - but I am glad we don't have any events this weekend - I will need to chill!

I have kept up with drinking the water - but thats about the only positive I can say about my habits this week. I still need toe at a LOT slower. But I am getting there.

I feel so RUSHED this week and I don't like it.

Day 2 of my unusual week - and so far so good.. Work was good. It was great to have dinner cooked when I got home - but today I am organised and I have already cooked some vegetables for tonight. I am eating my breakfast as I type this. I have an hour to eat dress and meditate - and fees the one remaining cat that hasn't appeared yet. Thats the main reason I didnt do my normal thing and meditate first thing. Plus I was hungry so in true Paul McKenna fashion I am eating.

I did well for snacks yesterday - like I didn't have any biscuits. Everyone at Little Aston commented on how much weight I had lost - which is always good. Even if part of me thinks its just due to a better fitting bra, that wouldn't account for my face looking thinner - which one person commented on.

I drank water yesterday - Yay!! Must keep that up.

On the whole I am in a buoyant mood today - and I am DETERMINED to make it last

A very different week ahead

5 days work at Little Aston coming up - and that means a different routine. As I type this I have 30 minutes to eat, shower and get dressed. Bt I have meditated - and had some very insightful ideas. I woke at 6.30 with no problem having had a good nights sleep. In the last 45 minutes I have fed the cats, emptied the washing machine and done my spiritual stuff.I am now eating (cereal with kiwi fruit and fromage frais) while I make this entry and keep one of on the clock. Facebook and TV are banned!!! But as I have the dongle with credit on it I am taking the laptop to work and will use it at lunchtime.

OK eating with one eye on the clock and the other on the laptop isn't exactly giving my full attention to food - but I am chewing each mouthful slowly - slower than I have done for a while at any rate. And yesterday I drank more water than I have done for some time. Slow eating and more water are two habits I really REALLY need to get into, Since exercise is off the agenda this week (unless I turn on the wii fit when I get home?) I need to focus on what I am eating rather than what I am using.

Tony surprised me last night. As we were on the way home from Gill and Darren's I reminded him I wouldn't be home until 6 all this week and he said he would start raiding the freezer about 5.15 to get dinner ready. I wasn't expecting that at all.

This week I may well have a new hypnotherapy client from Little Aston. Exciting!!! I must take my cards and certificates in with me.

I can't finish the cereal - so the remainder will get packed in a plastic box and taken to work for me to eat in a bit. It feel like a good start to what I think will be a good week

So the laptop issue has been resolved. there was nothing wrong with the laptop so I gritted my teeth and rang Sky customer support. the nice man in the asian call centre was very patient - and even resorted to calling me back when he relaised it was going to take some time. Steve showed up at just the right time to solve the problem of how to connect the laptop via a cable. At the end of an hour after my nice little man in India had talked me through various things that seemed to have no effect suddenly I was back on line again. So although it hasn't been resolved the way I expected 'it has been resolved ; even though no-one has a clue what was wrong. Thats computers for you

Anyway I also took the chance to have my feet done at Happy Feet again so the trip to town was not wasted by an means.

Throw in a quick trip round Sainsbury and I had a busy few hours - and don't I know it. I am very happy to just chill with mindless tv and the laptop. I am definitely still not totally clear of the lurgy My priority is I MUST be OK for work on Monday - and I am confident I will be.

I am doing battle with the lurgy again. I sould have realised when I felt I needed to use the car to get to work. I ended up leaving work at lunchtime - and am not going in today.

I MUST be fit for next week at Little Aston - and I will be fit. The work at LA is much less stressful than at ROH. I am sitting down most of the day and it is much slower paced, much less walking, and much less pressure. I actively WANT to go to Little Aston. Plus I can see possibilities for getting hypnotherapy and reiki clients via Little Aston.

I have told Emmeline I am NOT working more than 3 days a week in future. I can't do it.

Interestingly in my meditation yesterday morning I saw Jonas and he led to sit down on the bench in my glade - and I got the idea he was advising me to take things easy. I didn't remember that until after I got home from work yesterday.

What mistake did I make to end up in this situation? I let ROH talk me into booking more days than I really wanted to do. I overestimated my ability to recover from the lurgy. I underestimated the physical stresses of working at ROH.

Basically I overestimated my physical capacity to do things. I AM nearly 60, I HAVE had cancer and surgery this year.

I have been focussing so much on 'moving my body' to get healthy. I need to turn my focus from that to what I eat. That means dealing with my snack habit. Can I use self hypnosis for this? Of course I can. I just need to work out what images to use.

Time to put my thinking cap on

I have one word to say today - blyurghhh. Thats how I feel. Yesterday was more tiring than I thought it should be. I am thinking the lurgy still has me in its grip. So I reckon I could be using the car to get to work today.

On the plus side I have discovered I can pay 112.00 pcm to have a weekly 4 hour slot at Nicks. 3 patients a month and I've covered the fees. It looks like a no brainer - but I'm scared to commit. However I MUST commit if I am ever going to get anywhere.

But I am coming to the realisation that I really CANNOT work 4 days a week at ROH without making myself ill. I need to tell them ....... somehow

Today has started well. I slept well, I am up in time to do everything. I have meditated - and I have the prospect of a good day at the hospice - including one hypnotherapy referral.

Work post lurgy has been tougher than I thought it would - it has re-enforced the idea that 2 days a week is my ideal situation. I need to warn ROH that from the New Year that is what I want to do

I don;t really have any stunning wisdom for this blog post if I am honest. I am blogging simply to keep myself focussed on what is important I think.

My main concern seems to be my health. Not moving to a healthier lifestyle/ weight - but my day to day health. That bug has hit me hard. I need to focus on things that are NOT good for my day to day health - and increasingly ROH is a source of bad health. Do I need them at all? Is thw ork they offer a safety net that is keeping from committing to my other work properly? This was something that got discussed on LV the other day. Maybe I need to take my own advice. I need to review what being a registered pharmacist does for me and why I am clinging to it.

Now THAT is a turn of thought I was NOT expecting in this blog post.

Back to work

Today I am going back to work. I still have a cough - but I feel much better than I did. And the strange this despite a busy weekend with a ghost hunt and a trip to Wolverhampton - and too little sleep if I am honest- I feel able to cope with a full week.

Yesterday I did 20 minutes on the wii fit and clocked up nearly 2400 steps - which is the target for 30 minutes. And I didn't feel as if I was pushing it. The prospect of the walk to work is not daunting this morning I am happy to say. In fact I am looking forward to having some regular exercise in my life again. Being ill really sucks.

I have told Tony to nag me about doing at least an hour on my portfolio each day. I WILL get it done and submitted by the end of the year.

Last night we were at Wolverhampton - and it turned into a snack fest. I AM going to deal with my snacking.

I have made my lunch (sandwiches and fruit). I have meditated, but haven't had breakfast yet. However it is only 7.35.I have plenty of time provided I don't get distracted by the laptop or the TV.

One of my cards today was the Knight of Pentacles - slow and steady progress. That feels right for my situation at the moment - and I feel is a good omen that I am on the right path -in all sorts of way.

Wow - what is this unaccustomed sensation? Oh yes - its me being able to breathe through my nose most of the time. I think I am getting better. In fact I KNOW I am getting better. I'm not going to work today - but the walk through the park would be enjoyable not a chore.

I am still tired, still got a cough, and am still sniffing lots - but I am on the mend. In fact I think I will use the wiifit today.

So the plan today is some gentle exercise (20 minutes) maybe do some work on my portfolio, maybe go back to the garage and decide if I AM going to buy a new car. But I WILL sort out the documents that are needed for the registry office to confirm we are who we say we are, and are NOT married to anyone else so we can book our wedding. The plan is that we celebrate my 60th birthday next year by getting married.

Tonight I at least will pop over to Dudley to a 'business meeting' for spiritual/holistic workers to network and get cards out there. I hope Tony will come with me. I've also had another offer to take some cards so the word is getting out there. I have also had some business cards done just for me, just for the reiki and hypnotherapy. I reckon I can leave those in places like doctors and dentists where I wouldn't want to even HINT at the readings and mediumship side of things!

Well I can't just sit here all day - I've got things to do . You have NO idea how good it is to feel some motivation back at last!!!!

I have been feeling rather poorly this week. I have caught Tony's cold . So I haven't been doing much of anything apart from resting. I tried 10 minutes on the wii fit 2 days ago - and it knackered me. Yesterday I walked to the post box and back - a round trip of just over 600 steps (I counted my steps one way) and it knackered me. The mere thought of the walk across the park to work fills me with horror. My legs just don't want to hold me. So I have to accept my limitations. However I also don't have a huge appetite so I guess it all works out. Frankly I need to focus on getting fit enough to go back to work next week - and anything else is unimportant. Normal service will be resumed NEXT week

I had my first hypnotherapy client yesterday. And I may have 2 more hypnotherapy clients and one reiki client. And today I am going to the college for a CPD day.

I have lost some weight !. I stepped on the scales yesterday and I have lost another one and a half pounds. And that knowledge gave me the impetus to resist biscuits last night. Mind you I spent a fair portion of the evening in the treatment room with my patient.

I have also remembered by certificates are only valid for 6 months - so I need to get a m,ove on with the portfoilio. I am off on Tuesday so I will make a start then

Things feel good. But I know I am facing a day of temptation with the biscuits at the college. I think some cereal bars in my bag may be a good idea.

But on the whole things STILL feel good :-)

I have been very productive this morning. As well as the normal kitchen sort out, I tidied the living room . I have a client coming for hypnotherapy and while she will only be passing through the living room, I want to make a reasonable impression on her. So the floor by the bookcase is clearer, and the coffee table has a visible top to it,

The area round the pc is still pretty um........ chaotic is the best word I think.

OK so how am I feeling this morning? Well I am hungry - so I am eating breakfast as I type this. This is good because I eat slowly, but bad because I am not giving the food my full attention, But it is very nice. One weetabix with a kiwi fruit and fromage frais. I am so glad I found fromage frais. Its much healthier than yoghurt.

The weather has turned very autumny over the past 24 hours - and a complete contrast to the heatwave we had on Monday and Tuesday. It isn't raining - but it has been - and more rain is forecast. It is going to take discipline to walk in future I think. But at current petrol prices, using the car would be ridiculously expensive for a drive of less than a mile. And the parking problems at the other end are ridiculous. So I am sure I will be good and walk - even in the snow.

I am full of plans. Plans for running a weight loss group session, plans for getting in touch with DAT's, plans to contact local surgeries to see if having a tame hypnotherapist is something they would like. And the bid one - plans to book a room at the college and see how much work I can get.

I can enquire about that one tomorrow.


I haven't stepped on the scales - or used the wii fit for days. Part of me wants to, the other part of me is scared t incase I have put on weight. But I know if I am sensible about what I do I WILL be losing weight . I need to work on not eating when I am NOT really hungry. Biscuits and coffee in the evenings are very nice. I must think about why I feel I need biscuits. If I wasn't eating biscuits I would be really confident about my eating.

I must dash or I will be late to work. I have 35 minutes to meditate shower dress and get out - and I haven't made my lunch yet. Time to stop talking and start doing!

I have a new accountant - I met her and finalised the details last night. I am going to wind up "Sally Haynes Ltd' I only created it because the agencies gave me no option. So form mow on 'Krystal Wolf Holisitc Care' will take all our income from spiritual work and hypnotherapy - plus my occasional locums at Little Aston.

AND and and and .........I have a real live hypnotherapy client as a result of the psychic fair on Saturday. She heasn't baulked at the fee I quoted.

So despite oversleeping this morning I am in a very upbeat mood. I only have one reiki referal at the hospice - and a home visit to boot so my table will get used.

I feel tired and achey - there is no doubt work at the hospital is very tiring. But today is hospice day which is always good.

I feel slightly hungry so I will eat. I really need to meditate before I go out - but I a, not sure I will have time. My discipline is slipping - and I must NOT let it

Yesterday was back to the grindstone with the hospital - and it was VERY busy. I didn't leave till 4.45. As I walked to work, and walked a lot round the hospital I can certainly say I 'moved my body'

I only ate one of my sandwiches at lunchtime. I wasn't hungry for the other one. But I did eat it later when I was hungry. I also went for a walk round the outside of the hospital . I decided it would help me clear my head. Also we are approaching the time when I hardly see daylight. So if I can get inot the habit of taking a stroll outside at lunch it will be good for me in so many ways. I tried that tactic at Russels Hall - but it felt awkward because I didn't have a badge and always had to wait to be let into the department

I have bene thinking about the group 'weight loss' session I am hoping to do. Trying to think about the most common mistakes people trying to lose weight make. I think it has to be eating when they are not hungry, and not really listening to want their body is telling them it wants. Now is that because those are MY main mistakes? I know I want to therapise myself too but I must be careful to listen to what my clients tell me as well.

I need to design a questionnaire for such clients to fill in. I also found myself wondering how much Sarah would charge for me to use that downstairs room at her Bournville salon. Its great feeling creative.

So I am feelign upbeat - but rather achey this morning. I am hungry so I will eat in a bit, then all I have to do is my meditation and then get ready for work. O have just over an hour to get it all done. Its all such a rush at the moment. But it feels like a good rush.

Changes changes

This blog isn't JUST about weight loss and a journey to a healthier lifestyle - it is also about me managing the changes in my life . When I started it, it was in response to to the trauma caused by Alan's death. I was still in full time work at the hospital - and hadn't even HEARD of reiki.

If I had been told then where I would be NOW, I would have laughed and assumed it was all a huge joke. But here I am over 3 years later, a reiki practitioner, hypnotherapist, psychic reader, developing medium, and a locum pharmacist. I have also survived a REAL cancer problem, as opposed to the low level false alarm I had at the start of my year of two thousand and hate.

For the first time I have a realistic chance to earn money doing something else apart from pharmacy. And yesterday I had an amazing experience when I did a favor for the organisers of the psychic fayre. One of their regular clients was very distressed, had a horrendous headache, and Karl asked if I would give her some reiki. I did, I also gave her the benefit of my counseling skills, and advised her she could do with some regular counseling to help her sort herself out. By the end of 15 minutes she was much calmer, her headache had gone, and she was asking for my card so she can make an appointment with me for some more reiki and/or maybe some hypnotherapy to help her with her problems.

That has shown me I AM on the right course. I needed ALL my skills to help her, including my pharmacy skills as she is on anti-depressants. And strangely I am going on a CPD course on Friday all about hypnotherapy with mental health issues. So if she DOES feel hypnotherapy would be useful, I will be more confident about NOT causing problems because of her mental health issues.

Of course she may never ring up - but there is a realistic chance she will. Also Shaz ha said she has been considering hypnotherapy - so she is an almost guaranteed client if she goes ahead.

So there are a number of signs I am in for some changes in my life again - but this time they are planned, managed and WANTED.

I haven't been a disciplined as I should be last week with exercise, eating or with my HPD portfolio. But next week I am back to work - that always makes more disciplined.

But I have seen things that make me realise I have absorbed Paul's golden rules. Last night at dinner I couldn't finish my main course. And I didn't even think about a full english breakfast at the hotel. I wouldn't have enjoyed it.

So I am thinking much more about my eating decisions. And I have a chance to do some hypnotherapy with people who want to lose weight. So I know that will help me focus on my own eating issues.