Well I did stay positive today, depsite a really upsetting time on the wards. I reaised I had been assigned B4 the ward where Alan died. I found myself imagining what his admission notes must have said, how he must have looked as he lay dying. I left the ward and spent the next 15 minutes in the chapel in floods of tears. When I got back Becca saw I was upset and I told her what happened. Without telling me she told Renda who re-arranged next weeks rota so i don't have to do B4 again.
Apart from that it was a good day. I can put a tick against every item on the check list. In fact I couldn;t finish my lunch or my dinner today. also went for a walk at lunctime again.
Work went well even when I had a panic becasue I had been assigned to the OP dispensary and hadn't realsied. Actually t was a doddle and I had a great time. but my initial reaction was very panicky and thats not good. The moment I feel I've lost control over things, I lose the plot.
I am making a great effort to keep control on everything - including my emotions - but it doesn't always work. However its a lot better than it was!
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