Who am I

A very deep title - and it is inspired by my idea for a simple New Year resolution - to be the best possible 'me' that I can. But that means I need to be sure who 'I' am and be confident about what the universe needs from me. Yesterday one of those 'copy and paste' statuses was going round on FB. It was along the lines of I don't care if you are fat or thin rich or poor if you are my friend I accept you as you are. I copied and pasted it - and found myself DO tempted to comment underneath that I was grateful for being accepted as fat, not intelligent.....etc etc. I didn't because I realised I would be doing it only to get re-assrance that none of things mattered - and also I knew it would upset Tony. OK I was feeling down yesterday because I had a cold - but it still shocked me that I had that impulse. And it was THAT, that inspired my simple - but all encompassing' New Year Resolution. So who am "I" This is really CYLI7D territory at 101 level - but lets roll with it. As I type the news is showing a montage of famous people who have died this year - so lets start with the question 'What do I want as my epitaph' 'She cared' sums it up I think. I want people to know that I care about my work, my family, the world. But to truly care about others - I need to care for myself as well. It would really upset me to be thought uncaring - and thats a good sign that I worry I am not caring enough. It is also a sign that I am defining myself too much in terms of how other people see me. I need to care for them if they are going to care for me. I am sure there is some fruitful regression material there if I chose to use it. But knowing why I feel a need to be cared for doesn't help me change my behaviour.So lets focus on the solution rather the problem. I need to be confident I AM a caring person. What can I do to enhance that image in my mind? It says a lot for reiki has come to dominate my life that I am also thinking in terms of the 5 principles and asking' what do I worry about' what makes me angry' Am I honest and hardworking' Am I humble and respectful' 'Am I compassionate' Its really quite simple - to be the best 'me' I can - all I have to do is really put the reiki principles at the heart of my life - and the rest will follow. I thought this blog entry would be rather long - but it has suddenly crystallised. I need to live them so it becomes automatic. I remember a consultant once telling us that clinical governance wasn't something you did as a tick box exercise - it was something built in. If you had to think abut it you were not doing it. That memory has been with a lot lately in relation to some of my pharmacy experiences - but I now think it has been brought to my mind for this purpose to show me the next step on my journey. Reflection is always prevalent at New Year - but of course this a significant new year for me as in about 2 month I will turn 60. and the big '0' birthdays always promote reflection. What have I done, what am I going to do that sort of thing. So this new year I am not going define success next year in terms of weight loss,how much and how well I meditate, whether I can see and feel the energy, whether I become a master reiki teacher, whether.....but I think I have made myself clear. But if I am going to define success in terms of being the best 'me' I can I still need to know who 'I' am. I am a carer. How long have been that? How long have I been saying I am a pharmacist by profession - but a healer/carer all my life? Does it matter WHY I need to see myself as a healer/carer? No. All that matters is that every day I what I can to be the best possible healer/carer that I can be. And that starts with caring for myself and loving myself enough to care for myself properly. So although I have HOPES for 2012 in terms of my personal health ,work and family, they will only happen if I RESOLVE to follow the path the universe and I have laid out for myself. Happy 2012 to anyone who reads this entry. I hope the New Year brings you everything you hope for