New life new plan?

I went to a hypnotherapy study day today. The first time I have spent a whole day out since coming home. I enjoyed it but I am very tired now. The study day was about substance misuse - and as ever what we learned forced us to look at our own lives - which is not always comfortable. A lot of it was about Alcohol misuse - which inevitably took me back to memories of Alan. This was definitely not comfortable for me especially as I had very disturbing dreams about Alan this morning.

As I sit here typing this I feel bloated and full. I ate too much last night at Maggie's birthday meal, and today I have eaten too many biscuits. I also ate too much pizza tonight. I decided to order in rather than cook as I was so tired when I got home/

One of the things that was discussed today on the study day was how humans beings are almost designed to relapse when they try to change their behaviour. Another of things that was discussed was that substance misusers cannot change their behaviour until they are ready to, until they admit they have a problem, until they honestly recognise what they do and why they do it.

I am NOT comparing my weight issues with substance misuse - but there clearly are behaviours I need to change if I am to lose weight, and maybe I can;t change them until I explore what I get from them - and any secondary gain I get form being overweight.

I do definitely feel that I never want to sit here feeling like this again. I dont hate myself - I just feel so uncomfortable.

I have started to see my operation as drawing a line under my old life and giving me the chance to start a new one. I also feel life without a thyroid is going to be less healthy than life with, so it feels as if there is a greater urgency to deal with my weight issues. This is in part because the BP readings I had yesterday scared me.

I need to exercise more and I need to weigh less. So I need to honestly identify what behaviour I indulge in that stops me losing weight. I also need to do my best to increase my exercise and not be scared

I don't have a plan - yet