Major rant

Today is my day off work when I am supposed to be doing business things, domestic things etc. Quite honestly this morning I cannot motivate myself but I can't afford to waste a day. I am hoping some soul searching on here will help.

I am fed up, VERY fed up. My neck still hurts from the biopsy and I am dreading the thought that I may have to have another one not only because of the procedure itself but because if I have to have surgery I want to get it over and done with and a delay on the biopsy result will delay that.

I don't understand what is happening to my thyroid. If my thyroid function is normal why have I gained weight, why am I always so tired, why have my nails been a problem , why does my hair seem greasier than normal? Or are all these problems in my imagination? Is the weight gain really just due to me being an idle and overeating? And should I change the phrase 'very fed up' to 'depressed' - yet another symptom of thyroid problems

I DON'T KNOW but it is bugging me to the point of paralysis. My weight gain is frightening me - and I don't know if I am just finding excuses to avoid facing up to the real issue.

I am beating myself up which is pointless. If its my thyroid - its not down to me. if its NOT down to my thyroid what I need to do is act to change things and beating myself up about the past is pointless. I jst can't move past the fear and anger.

So having ranted lets take a deep breath and see if I can find a way out of this. Panicking about my weight is not going to achieve anything. I almost feel as overwhelmed as I did in the wake of Alan's death and that is ridiculous.

So what am I telling myself I MUST do today

Shopping
Taking another proof of ID over to the hospice for my CRB check
Contacting NHS pensions to get the information I need for my accountants
Doing some exercise
Sort out the laundry (I just made a start on that one)
Spending some quality time with Tony

So why I have decided it has to be done TODAY. Well thats easy - I am not at work. But why this week? Now thats a good question. The accountants can wait. I can write /email NHS pensions one evening to get the information I need. I can t post proof of ID to the hospice.

Shopping is a must - we have to eat. Quality time with Tony is a must and can only be done on my day off. I can fit in some gentle exercise on the kinect or wii fit this afternoon.

I think I have stopped panicking - but at least I have a plan