keeping focussed

Today marks a watershed in a couple of ways. It is the first weekday of my long run with no planned pharmacy work. It is also the first weekday or more or less normal functioning for Tony after his op. Tonight we are having our normal game, and we are going over to Wolverhampton on Wednesday. Also last night for the second night in a row it was past midnight when he went to bed.

So the next few weeks should now be focussed on building up reiki/card clientel. The trouble is I dont feel up to doing it. I feel crap this morning. I am also acutely aware of a number of things I need to focus on with regard to me and my health.

I am not sleeping well at all. Last night I woke with a very dry mouth and a coughing fit. This is a sign of rampant hiatus hernia believe it or not. I presume this is another signal of the weight I have put on.

I am doing better with exercise now. The wii fit is back in daily use - and I can avoid the vagaries of the board by doing things like jogging that dont need it.

Water drinking has been a disaster - and I hope the memory of last night will keep me focussed on that. Npt only will it help prevent the dry mouth but it will also help me train my bladder. As part of the coughing fir episode I headed to the bathroom feeling as if I needed the loo and I only passed about 250ml. This is half what a full bladder should be able to contain. Drinking lots of water will train my bladder to et used to holding larger amounts

My eating is out of control. I am not bingeing but I am eating far too fast and as a result eating far too much.

Yesterday I meditated for the first time in days

Basically I feel as if I am out on control and I know I have got to do something about it.

As I am typing this I have a glass of water that I am drinking. Listening to my body it feels bloated and I am aware of some IBS pain. My stomach feels full - but I feel hungry - which is absurd. I feel very tired, I am aware of discomfort in my right thigh (this was also part of what kept me awake last night) I wish I knew what this pain was. It has been happening for more than a year now. I am 90% sure it is muscular but why THAT muscle and never another one? And why does it only ever start in bed?

I need to break down the task facing me into bite sized chunks so I dont get overwhelmed - which is rather how I do feel. As well as my health issues, I also have to do get my business accounts sorted out - and I am scared something horrible is going to show up. "Scared' eally resonated with me as I typed it. I am scared about the future - another sign that I have lost control - or feel I have lost control - of my life.

So I have got to GET control of my heath issues and my fears.

Today I am going to drink lots of water, and eat slowly. In fact I will focus on those two things for the next two weeks.

Today I will make a start on getting my accounts onto the spreadsheets.

I will use the wii fit (That is already becoming a habit again)

I will take 30 minutes to do my spiritual thinks like meditation and prayer

That all feels manageable for today.