Cystitis decided to attack me yesterday. It went wrong almost from the ward go. I put trousers on and quickly realised I was in pain. So reverted to a skirt and tights. The tights came off when I reached the hospital. Luckily it is well heated because it was cold yesterday - and no weather to be wandering outside with bare legs. By 3 it had got to the stage where I was uncomfortable sitting down. At 3.45 I gave up and went home - barelegged walking across the park. So no meal out for me yesterday. A bath worked wonders. This morning I have slight IBS discomfort, very very slight cystitis discomfort and I know I will be fine to go to the hospice. I don't think it is co-incidence that both have flared up at the same time. I am even wondering if there is some more esoteric reason why I have these issues at the moment. I am mentally 'holding on to' something I really need to get rid of?? Anyway I did one imaginary phone call at work in the toilets yesterday, And I have done one this morning as part of my spiritual exercises. There is a good practical reason to practice taking a call like that. I want to sound confident and professional - not give the impression I am falling down with excitement. If I have practiced taking it it will be automatic. OK so where I am with health and fitness? Apart from the above I am OK. Food went OK yesterday - but I have realised I am not drinking enough water. I have managed to slip out of the habit. It won;t be a problem today. I drink a cup of water per patient. That should be 4 today. I am finding work at the Orthopaedic more and more frustrating. The lack of system and process is annoying me more and more. Funnily enough its partly because management won't let pharmacists do their job properly because they will cave in if consultants won't stick to the rules. I do miss the kind of clinical involvement that saw me as part of the team discussing things with the consultant - and having my opinion respected and acknowledged. I do recognise that was also highly patient related if not directly patient facing. I am really looking forward to today at the hospice. I wonder if I will have any new referrals? So what am I setting as my food and drink goals for the day? Well water water and more water for starters. ............................................. My next statement was going to be 'eat when I am hungry' which made me realise I was. So I am having breakfast. Porridge with sharon fruit and honey - and a mug of water on the side. To be honest porridge wasn't my first thought - but then I realised we had 2 more sharon fruit - which I had intended to cancel - in my fruit and beg box. Since I remembered one serving suggestion was mushed up in porridge I thought I'd give it ago. They have to be eaten - and Tony won't try them again.He really disliked them! Its not making my taste buds dance with delight - but its pleasant, Eating what I really want is always a problem when I have to rely on someone else's menu options. Luckily the hospice has good food choices. The hospital much less so. I know I will enjoy my lunch when I have it today. I know one thing I need to try and put into practice a lot more - leaving something on my plate. My big food problem is I am eating when I am NOT hungry. And that is the most important thing I need to tackle.

I have a plan..........

I have decided I need to focus on one aspect of desired wonk. I know generally I want to work as a reiki practitioner and hypnotherapist with some psychic fairs thrown in for good measure. But I need to build up my client list before I can realistically cut down my pharmacy hours, AND look seriously at some nice premises. So I am focussing my attention on one bit of all that. I am focussing on getting a client that I can treat up at Paula Jayne's How am I doing this? Well laugh if you must but I have decided at least once a day - and probably more often I am going to stand in front of a mirror and answer an imaginary phone call on my mobile, from an imaginary client who I will book for an imaginary appointment at the salon. I have done it for the first time this morning. I reckon that gets my intention out there to the universe loud and clear. It is achievable . I feel so amazingly positive now. I am looking forward to the walk across the park. I am going out for a meal tonight with the girls from work and I am confident I'm not going to feel embarrassed by how fast or how much I eat. I have eaten a delicious healthy breakfast. I have a healthyish lunch packed. I didn't have any biscuits yesterday - but there was some wonderful chocolate cake at work - and I did over indulge in that. I suddenly feel in control of things - I know I am the only one responsible for my thoughts and actions. Have I turned some sort of corner here?

Feeling a bit adrift

I am not sure what this blog is about this morning. I think I will just left is develop and see where it takes me. The accountant has filed my accounts Hooray!!! There is still another step to do as HMRC will send me some information I need to send to HIM but then it will be done. And then presumably he WILL send me his bill. How did things go so wrong with this relationship? I lost trust in him when I couldn't contact him at one point - I believe he was ill. And then there was the issue of the file they suddenly couldn't pen less than 24 hours after telling me my accounts had been filed. And there was the issue of his bill. He said he would attach his bill the next time he emailed me - and I then didn't hear anything from him. I know I need to reflect on why it went wrong . Communication is vital in my healing work. This is the classic failed communication and I need to know what I did wrong. I had a good weekend - but it was rather spoiled by a combination of IBS and cystitis discomfort. A rather unpleasant combination. But it didn't stop me relaxing, going to church, and doing some work on my portfolio. It didn't stop us going over to Wolverhampton last night either. The game went on until 11. I didn't get to bed until nearly midnight, and as a result I am bit late up this morning. It was gone 7 when I woke up. Thank goodness I am back to a 10.00 start. I have had time to meditate this morning - and of course to make this blog entry. Why am I feeling adrift? I am not sure. After the high of Wednesday - its all been rather downbeat I suppose - not helped by the accountant issue of course. A couple of my friends have had amazing results with asking the universe for things and getting them. I am pleased for them - but very jealous. If they can get things why can't I? But lets be fair I haven't really tried to do what they have done -but they had clear ideas of what they wanted. I don't. I don't have a direction so I AM drifting. Now thats odd because I do know clearly what I want to end up doing - but I don't have a concrete plan for how to get there. I have realised since I qualified as a hypnotherapist, I have been trying to favour that over reiki. But all the patients at the hospice I have tried it on, I now think will respond better to reiki. Why don't I trust reiki? I had the thought this morning that my scientific side is too dominant. I know I need science and spirituality to be in balance to progress. I need to get back to spirituality - back to reiki. Maybe thats why I ended up in church yesterday morning. I have done my spiritual exercise this morning - but it really has been some time since I did a proper meditation. OK so where does this leave me? I have been focussing on getting hypnotherapy clients - which needs me to take rooms at Kings Heath. I already have a place to do reiki. I am going to focus on getting a client I treat up at the salon. So I feel better for having worked out what my next step needs to be. Both IBS and cystitis are grumbling along this morning.I feel tired - but quite ready to cope with a day at the hospital. I haven't eaten yet but I am a bit hungry - but I need to get a move on as I have less than an hour to eat and get ready to go out. I have packed my lunch (home made soup) . I am thinking about using the technique I was taught at the Paul McKenna day to help me chose my breakfast so I pick what my body really needs. I am looking forward to the walk through the park. I am doing as well as I can be I think.

So this morning I am slightly less tired than yesterday - but my sleep was very disturb due to a fair bit of discomfort from my cystitisy thing. This makes decisions about what to where very difficult. I can't go bare legged its too cold so that means I either have to wear tights or trousers both of which will make the problem worse. If I could stay home I could wear a long skirt - but that isn't practical for work. Today it will have to be trousers - but I am not looking forward to putting them on and walking around in them. Another stress issue is I had a bill from HMRC for a 100.00 fine because my 09/10 accounts haven't been filed. Thanks to lousy communication with the accountant I didn't understand why he was still asking for information when as far as I was concerned 09/10 accounts were done and dusted and I had a new accountant. Anyway I have sent him a LONG email this morning so hopefully it will be sorted out and then I can forget all about it - and him. I must say the relationship with him has made me think about communication a lot - and the importance of rapport. We had no rapport - I felt he didn't listen to me and it made me distrust him. Maybe I have a metaphor to use in my hypnotherapy........ I don't know yet if I will try to get HIM to pay the fine - and pay it myself and chalk it up to experience. After all communication is a 2 way thing - and maybe I didn't listen hard enough to him??? I really enjoyed - and needed - an afternoon off yesterday. But today I am feeling fit for work - and am going swimming with Maggie afterwards. I should also be meeting Helen for lunch so I have a lot to look forward to.

I feel much MORE tired this morning than I did yesterday - having had a very bad nights sleep for some reason. But I am still very upbeat after an AMAZING afternoon at the hospice - and a very good evening. The morning wasn't bad either as I got most of the christmas shopping sorted. The pamper day at the hospice was SUCH an affirmation for me that I am the right path. My first patient was Dave whose first question was 'Is this based on a religion because I'm a christian and I don't want something that is against my religion. I said it (and I) were spiritual, pointed out my cross, said the other reiki healer was a very devout christian. I did say some factions within the church DO disapprove of reiki, but that reiki healers were welcome at the Raphael Guild which is part of the church of england. Ge deiced to give it a go and at the end his first comment was 'wow' He REALLY enjoyed it and obviously got some benefit from it. Then I treated Margaret's friend Heather - who has health problems of her own and she ALSO really enjoyed it. I also treated Margaret and we have agreed she will have more reiki from me - which was exactly what I wanted to do with her anyway. She kept saying how she could feel heat in her neck (she has swallowing problems) I also treated a lady called Julie who really enjoyed her treatment but during the pre treatment chat admitted to an alcohol problem. I am hoping both Heather and Julie can get referred for further treatment as carers. Margaret gave me the most wonderful moment tho. She said that of all the people she sees at the hospice I am the one she she feels has done most for her, and I am the one she trusts most. I have managed to draw stuff out of her that others haven't. It just shows I should have taken more notice of the fact she kept coming back even tho I felt the sessions hadn't gone as I thought they should have. Nicky bumped into me after my second session with her and said she thought I had been really helping her - and I was sceptical. And I have realised if someone is having reiki, I can maybe still talk to them with a few positive suggestions. The game last night was MUCH better than the old Monday game. Keeping Rob out was a good idea sad as it sounds. Tony enjoyed running it, Paul Mark and Richard (and I) enjoyed the game, and I a looking forward to maybe RUNNING a game. The downside is Mark will also want to run a game - but he may be better without Rob in the group. So I sit here feeling tired, bloated, and having cancelled my visit to Maura this afternoon, but still full of ideas. I have part 2 of my core training this morning so another trip to solihull, then home via the supermarket to relax - and do some more on my portfolio. I feel in control - and when I feel like that I seem to be in control of everything - including food. Although to be fair I had to grab whatever was available at the time during the day yesterday - and that meant biscuits and cake. But It was what I really fancied - and I did eat them sowly and REALLY enjoyed them. Ditto dinner whihc was ravioli and baked potato. This morning I haven't eaten - and won't have time to before I go out. But I am taking healthy finger food with me.

I feel tired - but strangely upbeat this morning. Despite my niggling health issues, the continuing flare up of my IBS into 'shut down' mode, feeling the size of a bloated whale , the on going issues with my bladder, and some rather disturbing dreams, I feel in control of things. I have done at least an hours work on my portfolio in the evening after work on Monday and Tuesday and I feel I am making real progress with it. I have even sorted out psychodynamic, humanistic and cognitive behavioural approaches. I am finding two books I bought recently SO helpful. Magic and Practice and Wordweaving. I know as I learn and understand more from the work I am doing, I learn more about me. I have also realised I still have a LOT to learn about communication with patients and writing a good script. But I feel challenged and uplifted. I must be doing something right I also have plans to go swimming. I am going to meet Maggie on Friday. It will be good to get back into that routine - although with Northfield baths closed it will mean more traveling for me. Today we also have a game at out house. The Monday game is being re-vamped and re-shaped. Funnily enough the one exclusion has been Rob - who is a much better roleplayer. But I feel more relaxed about the game with Mark , Paul and Richard as the other gamers and NO Rob. I know Tony is looking forward to running a game again. And this is a group I can run for as well. The game at wolverhampton is great - but Wolf does ALL the dm'ing. This morning I have to go to Sheldon yo get my smartcard for the hospice PAS system - and then this afternoon is a pamper day at the hospice. I also intend to fit in some Xmas shopping in Mell square - and maybe some ordinary shopping as well. So I have the prospect of a good day ahead.

Work was OK yesterday. Despite having no technicians available to go on the wards, I lucked out because ward 1 only had about 8 patients. Someone was looking after me! I wonder if its any coincidence that I was drawn to my Archangel Michael deck this morning and pulled a card all about protection? And genuinely that thought only came to me as I started typing. My IBS is still in full on static mode. This doesn't help anything. I did some self healing this morning and I am hoping that will help things resolve. I did some work on my portfolio last night as well as finishing the script I need to record for one of my patients at the hospice. In fact I spent nearly 2 hours that I would previously have just wasted being productive. This has got to be hood. AND I managed to cook a proper tea with real vegetables. I am optimistic I will manage the same tonight as well. Things seem to be improving in my mind. I am currently reading a wonderful book called wordweaving which is all about how to construct the best script to help your client. It examines how clients think, and inevitably gets you thinking about how YOU think .Its useful self development as well as CPD. I was marginally disturbed by a bizarre incident yesterday when Sandy - who I always thought was a nice friendly person played a track on her iPod she said made her think of me. It was an awful sickly sweet thing. I can't as yet work out if it was meant a joke, if Sandy has a nasty side to her or if that really is the image I project. I can't ask her about it - unless she decides to mention it again. But it has disturbed enough that I am sure there is some message for me. I just need to work it out.