RIP Whitney Houston

The news is full of tributes to Whitney Houston who died on the day before the Grammy awards last night. I enjoyed her singing but wouldn't class myself as a huge fan. So why am I blogging about her? Well I realise the irony that her biggest hit was 'I will always you' when clearly it was herself she needed to love. It makes my concept of my L'Oreal moments even more important. I know I don;t love myself as much as I should. I am a lot better but still don't love myself as much as I should. I bought tow new meditation CD's on Saturday at the investigation. Some of the tracks are an hour long. I am going to listen to one of them this week. I feel very frustrated by my lack of spiritual progress, by my lack of progress in developing Krystal Wolf, and by my inability to help Steve focus. Until I typed that I didn't realise how much that was still affecting me - but clearly it is. I feel Steve hasn't got a jib because he doesn't really know what he wants to do . he does seem to know now - marketing - but feels he has realised this too late and that there is no way in. I don;t know if marketing is REALLY what he wants to do or is just a fad fuelled by his time in the BHF shop as a volunteer. But to be fair him talking about marketing does predate that. But I do feel he may regret his time at university - and his decisions about that WOULD be due to his lack of focus. But he admitted even I had pushed him harder to focus it wouldn't have made any difference. I know why I am feeling down. I am looking at myself and feeling like a failure as a mother. I have had no reply form my email asking if helping me to market my reiki services up at the salon would helpful to him. The silence wipes out the memory of his spontaneous I love you Mum on Friday evening when he was upset. Thats why I am finding it so hard to love myself at the moment