Feeling helpless

My job and my role in life is to help people whether with drugs, reiki, hypnotherapy or words. And I know I am good with words. 3 days ago I got a ringing endorsement from one of the members of my FB group about my hypnotherapy CD. On Thursday I got positive feedback from Rachel about how my words had helped her get a new perspective on her situation. I know my words have been helpful and supportive of Gill and Darren in their bereavement. Kate found my words helpful when she came to see me the other week. I know I am good with words - but at the moment I feel wretched because I couldn't find the words to help Steve. He went for a job and didn't get it. But what hit him so hard was that it wasn't a case of another candidate got the job. It seems that any candidate who it was felt could do the job (something to do with helping to campaign for shelter) would be employed. His view is that 'marketing' is something he has spent a lot of his spare time doing at uni in his work to promote the groups he was involved with. he has also done some political 'marketing' as well. he enjoys it feels he is good at, so to fail to be picked has been a slap at his whole self image. He was in despair. It is a hard thing to see your only son in terms and not be able to find the words to help him. He feels he can't see a way out, and on the 6 month anniversary of him signing on he is beginning to feel trapped an can't see a way out. He was honest enough to admit he knows he will come out this, but I still felt very helpless. But as we had a hug I did get a spontaneous 'I love you Mum' from him - which nearly reduced ME to tears as well. So I guess some of what I said had an effect. And maybe what he needed was my listening skills not my speaking skills. But I still feel pretty wretched about the whole thing. Every constructive thought I put forward got a counter argument about why it wouldn't work. He can't see a way forward to do something he is interested in because he feels with a masters he is too qualified. He even said he wished he had realise dhow interesting marketing is because he would have tried for an internship. I never thought I would hear him say that. He has always rejected the idea of internships. Personally I feel he is paying the price for his lack of focus on what he wanted to do with his life - something I have worried about. I even said that to him - but he was honest enough to admit even if I had pushed him harder it wouldn't have made any difference. He is learning a painful life lesson - and I can't make it less painful. But on the positive side he was musing over a possible idea about trying to get more volunteer work with BHF in offices if they have any local. I feel really crap about the whole situation. After Steve left we headed over to do the supportive friends thing with Darren and Gill and finally got to se H in person. And most of the time I felt I wanted to cry and talk to them about how crap I felt over Steve. In fact I DID tell Gill about it. When we got home after an evening where I realised I was taking a very defensive attitude to any possible criticism my FB status said it ' Needs chocolate' I managed to resist bingeing. I had a hot chocolate drink and 2 chocolate truffles. But this morning I still feel crap and close to tears because I can't wave a magic wand and solve his problems. And unlike my other 'clients' I haven't really any sign that my words have had any effect. Being a parent really sucks sometimes. I am toying with the idea of suggesting what could be a win win situation. Ask him to help me market my reiki at the salon for a small per capita payment. If it works I get clients, Paula gets clients and he gets some real experience to put on his CV. Well I guess all I can do is suggest it and hope he doesn't see it as charity/sympathy from Mum. I took a break from blogging and played a puzzle game for a while to see if anything clarified in my head. Nothing really has so I guess all I can do is contact him and see what he says.