Out of the rut?

For the past four weeks I have been stuck in 'survival' mode. My priority was working out a strategy to survive full time working until the booking at Solihull ended. I mad efforts to keep up with the wiif fit -often thwarted by the board breaking down. But however good my intentions on Monday by Wednesday I would be feeling too tired and lethargic to do more than 10 minutes.

'Eating what you want' was a breeze. Biscuits, chips, chocolate. But to be fair I haven't binged or gorged. Breakfats have bene generally healthy. Lunch has varied depending on whether I managed to prepare my own to take to work. Dinners haven't been home cooked - or cooked by me - as much as is necessary to make them as healthy as I would like.

But to be fair listening to my body has become a habit. If I wasn't hungry in the mornings - as has happened more often recently - I didnt have breakfast. I would make sure I had some fruit toast or a cereal bar handy to munch when I did get hungry.

But now the contract at Solihull is finished and I am taking a break from pharmacy. I am going to give myself time to focus on getting a reiki practice built up. It hasn't happened until now for all sorts of reasons. Inexperience at advertising a service, lack of time to advertise it but mainly because I haven't been giving it my full attention. I haven't really focussed on it. And one of the first lessons I learned four years ago is if you want something you have to focus on it.

So for the next 3 to 6 months that is exactly what I am going to do.

I realised during the past 7 weeks I find hospital pharmacy as it is practiced now soul destroying. I use the term deliberately. Destroying my soul is very bad for my mind and body.

During the past 7 weeks I have also forged a link with the hospice I hope will become permanent, discovered I have more of a talent for oracle cards than I thought I had, realised oracle card readings are a way of healing with words.

Sadly I still have bouts of self pity, self hatred, and self doubt. But what I also have is confidence that my plans for the next few months are practical helpful and right for me - my soul my mind and my body.

So here I sit tired after 7 weeks of full time work, with no timetable for the first time in weeks. I feel tired, but hopeful that I am out of the rut and that I am still on track