Finding courage?

'God grant me today the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to the know diference.'

I am quite spiritual and that prayer speaks voumes to me. I think I am on top of what can cannot be changed but today - in fact this weekend is likely to be emotionally very dificult as Edma may well need more help from me over the weekend. I know she doesn't like asking me - in fact yesterday she was in tears when I went tback in the afternoon and asked if I hated her.

So I am going to concentrate on how well I am doing in changing the things I do have control over. And I am going to break away form Pauls rules to do so (gasp!)

Yesterday breakfast was muesli with plain yoghurt - a small bowl about the half the size I would have eaten before I started rerally savouring my food. After dashing about for Edna I got back about midday and was peckish so had 3 rice cakes spread with peanut butter. I really LIKE peanut butter.

Then I got in over 30 minutes with the Wii fit including 20 minutes step aerobics - nearly 2000 steps. Ok its not as high as the kick stool but hey its still excercise - and I did it with a painful foot. The crack on my foot still hurts like hell, but I got some aqueus cream yesterday. I used it last night and again this morning and the skin feels mich smooter. I am hoping keeping it smooth wilstop these cracks appearing. This is by far the most painful I have EVER had. But I can stil walk and it is not going to stop me doing 30 minutes on the Wii fit. It didn't stope me yesterday. I may even try the jogging again today which I avoided yesterday


Dinner was a 'bitsa' meal fro the freezer and fridge (bits of this bits of that) Tony had steak chips and beans. I had the beef left from last sunday with a portion of frozen homemade rissotto left over from last week. Again a very moderate portion size compared with normal. Dessert was half a grapefruit with the remains of the fresh pineapple with some plain yoghurt.

The only really unhealthy thing I ate was 2 plain choclate digestive biscuits durung the evening. And even there when I was oferred the barrel I only took 1 (normally it would have been 2 at a time) and I nibbled the biscuit savouring the wonderful flavour.

In calorie terms my intake was only about 1500 calories at most. And old calorie controlled diets allowed 1500 calories a day plus treats. I didn't starve myself yesterday, I didn't feel that hungry an when I was hungry I ate. But the main victory is despite emotional stress I didn't pig out on biscuits. And it has been ages since I fancied a packet of crisps - mainly because I know I can't savour them. If I was going to weaken on that front, yesterday would have been the day


I am hoping that the realisation I have found the courage for one thing I can change, will help me find the serenity to accept the reality of Edna's situation.

One final thought. I ave become entranced by the image of me chosing a new wardrobe with the help of a personal shopper . I am sure that image is having a powerful effect on me.