Well here I am in Cornwall. The journey down was uneventful - and I even made a relatively healthy food choice on the way down (ham egg and chips rather than pie or battered fish or a sandwich) My diet since being down here has NOT be brilliant - but yesterday was stressful with lots of driving because Steve was bleeding from his ear. The local minor injuries unit couldn't clean and inspect his ear properly so we had to go to Truro. Luckily he hasn't done any serious damage after cleaning his ear too vigorously with a cotton bud. he has NOT ruptured his ear drum. But he has t keep his ear dry for a week - so no swimming; and has to use Sofradex drops for a week. Yesterdays food included rather too much date and walnut bread, and far too many pringles. I am also stressed because I am missing Tony massively. Anyway I also haven't been eating slowly or drinking water - something I intend to correct today. But there is no doubt I am suffering from emotional hunger due to missing Tony . I have just had two pieces of toast - which I ate slowly - and I still feel hungry. Today we are off to Falmouth - and the whole day should be much more enjoyable than yesterday. Hopefully that will help me emotionally

I snacked yesterday evening. What is it about role playing sessions that brings that out in me? I can't say I was stressed as although I was TIRED, I had an amazing day at the hospice. And I enjoyed the session. It was just me and Paul so we had fun. I will deal with that after the holiday. Today I have a busy day. Shopping, the salon and maybe a home visit after 4.00. But All the signs are I will have 2 paying patients today. But that means I must get going to get the shopping done before the salon - unless I shop tomorrow morning before we go away - which is an option. Apart form the snacks last night I did well with food and did 30 minutes on the wii-fit. I MUST keep up with the 30 minutes a day in Cornwall. Time to get moving for today tho

I overslept this morning. I was awake part of the night but got back to sleep, woke about 5.30 from a weird dream, but went back to sleep to sleep again. Next thing I knew it was 7.15 and I was running late. So here I sit with coffee and breakfast as my priority. I was hungry when I woke up, I am eating it slowly, it wasn't big - but I already know I am going to be adding a slice of toast today. Hang on I haven't been eating it THAT slowly. OK time to hit the coffee, leave the bowl and see how I feel in a few minutes. I ache. Yesterday was a busy day with work and visiting Maura. I also did 30 minutes on the wii fit and hit nearly 3800 steps. No wonder I ache maybe? But I am also of ware of a great tiredness from rushing. I feel the need to slow down. Truth be told today could potentially be a very rushed day with all the driving and 2 home visits. Roll on tomorrow!! Food yesterday was OK - although stress sent to me nibble some chocolates that had been left out. But I ate it slowly, drank plenty of water, and I know I didn't hit them as hard as I once would have done. Yesterdays stress came from the fact that I discovered an error made the senor technician/dispensary manager. Its discovery raises a whole can or worms as the Chief Pharmacist is unsure about the technicians role anyway. But on talking to another pharmacist we are agreed Pam makes quite a few errors simply because she is trying to do too much. Yet again I am wondering about my future there - and whether I really want to have one. I find I have lots of ideas for how things could be improved - so my pharmacy head is still firmly on it seems. Plus point sof yesterday. I drank plenty of water, my snacking was right down,I haven't had a biscuit at home for over a week - mainly because I haven't wanted one. Taking note of my instinctive reaction to food is helpful. BTW the dinner `i pre cooked was less than successful sadly - but at least it meant my dinner was small! Part of me is tempted to step on the scales..........................

Dealing with stress

yesterday at work was much better than Friday - but still had its stress points - some of them triggered by the same things as Friday. I managed to avoid the food response to the same extent. My eating was MUCH more under control because I decided to send a polite e-mail to the bosses outlining the source of my stresses - which really come down to the crappiest PMR/labelling system EVER .Possibly made worse by the person who is normally in charge of adjusting the labels on the system - Pam. Pam is a major source of stress to me because she finds a real problem delegating and focussing. But I got through yesterday without over indulgence in the biscuits and chocolates scattered around the wards and department.I did NOT eat all the stuff I had taken with me for lunch, and dinner was 3 slices of pizza - nothing else. I didn't WANT any biscuits in the evening even tho Tony had one. I also drank water. And I did 30 minutes on the wii fit. Today I am VERY organised because the evening meal is cooking as I type this - a stew. My lunch for work is done, and all I have to do is have breakfast and get dressed. Plus some meditation time would be fabulous and I do have a chance to fit that in in the hour and a half remaining. As ever this blog is a form of meditation anyway. I think I can say I am feeling in control again today

Old memories

Today I ended up recounting the events of March 2008 to one of the girls at work. I found it VERY upsetting and ended up in tears. Not floods of tears - really not much more than moist eyes - but enough to remind me how much I am affected by these memories. Part of me thinks I should be immune to it now. Part of me thinks I should be over it. It worries me a little what it means that the memories cans till affect me so much. I either need some therapy - or some meditation to help me sort out what I need to learn from the situation - then I can hopefully move on.

Geting ready for the holiday

Yippee!! Steve and I go on holiday on Friday. I will miss Tony but I SO need this break. So I sit here on a chilly Monday morning feeling positive. I nearly always do on a Monday - its towards the end of the week that it all goes pear shaped. As it did last Friday BIG time Work was one big stress point - very frustrating all day. And I ended up eating all the wrong sort of stuff in the wrong sort of way when I wasn't hungry. In some ways this job is very bad for my health!!! But I picked myself up, dusted myself down, reviewed my self image and saw myself as a battler refusing to give up. So over the weekend things went OK foodwise - including yesterday at the game. Tony treated us to some chocolate bars and mine is still in its wrapper. I didn't want it! Plus the packet of sweets is still more or less intact. The Dorito's got git tho - but Tony finished the pack off -not me. It really IS getting better. Exercise is on track. I am still using the wii fit . Infact on Saturday I went swimming, and then did 20 minutes wii fit JOGGING. And I have been seeing adverts for the sport relief mile and thinking .....shall I??? I am still focussing on eating slowly, and drinking water. (which also went pear shaped on Friday - and hasn't been that brilliant over the weekend if I am honest) I still have my lemony water in the fridge. Tony had a spat with 886 last week. He got upset and was talking about quitting. However he didn't - and over the weekend he FINALLY broke his duck and got his first caller of 2012 - and it was a good one. he enjoyed being back in the saddle and has cheered up immensely. The group seems to be going OK. I have had another request for a CD. And one of Paula's regulars is interested in having some reiki so things are looking up there as well. Plus there may be an opportunity for ME to do telephone psychic work from home. I spotted it while Tony was in the middle of his 886 problems - so it seemed serendipitous. And it pays better than 886 too. But a lot would depend on how much time they need from each reader. Plus they demand a test of 2 readings not just the one. I did a reading via FB over the weekend - ad the ominous silence has me thinking I was way off the mark. Well we will see.. So I am positive. motivated, looking forward to the walk across the park (even if I am less enamoured of what waits at the other end of the walk) I feel in control of my life - and of my food intake. This is a good start to the week

After a bad couple days with food and exercise this morning I am feeling more positive no doubt helped greatly by the fact I have a very easy day today up at the salon. And since I need to combine it with a shopping trip I can even justify using the car! Slow eating went by the board yesterday. With two home visits I felt very rushed - and I did find the day tiring - but worthwhile. So I will have some breakfast in a bit - I am feeling hungry this morning. I have lunch and healthy snacks packed for up at the salon - and loads of carrots in the cupboard. I will also take some time to make some carrot sticks.