I weighed myself today. Over 15 stone - ouch. Still at least I now know where I am starting from. The question is how do I get things moving in the right direction. But maybe I need to work out why it started moving in the WRONG direction first.
Clearly ELMM became EMML - but what proportion of each was responsible? Was it just that I stopped jogging after the Race for life? Was it that mindful eating went by the board and 'eat what you want' became an excuse to eat anything? How much of it is now due to metabolic issues with my thyroxine levels?
I got out of the habit of exercising - and I need to get back into the habit of doing 30 minutes. I actually did do 30 minutes this morning 20 minutes of aerobics and 10 minutes of games and yoga.
So how did I do with yesterdays goals?
I walked to ROH and back - and I went swimming -about 20 minutes of activity
I meditated - but didnt do any self healing
I did the banking
I contacted the paymaster general about getting reports of my tax paid on my pension
I drank 4 glasses of eater slowly over the day.
I didnt get any work done on my portfolio tho. I felt wiped out by the swimming. And mindful eating /tuning in wasn't that successful either.
Today I have already had 3 glasses of water - and will do the same as yesterday and keep a glass with me at all times. I need to get into the habit of drinking some water when I think I feel hungry.
OK lets tune in now. I feel good - some slight lower abdominal discomfort but physically I feel better than I have done for a bit. I have had a bowl of cereal - but I still feel hungry. However is this real hunger? Mentally I feel positive - despite the reality check. Thought - I want to plan how to improve things.
So goals for today
Mow the lawn.It needs it and it will be more movement on top of the 30 minutes I have already done and it gets me out in the fresh air
Meditate and self heal.
Keep up with the water intake
Drink water every time I think i want something to eat and wait 20 minutes before I do eat anything
Do some work on my portfolio
Tune in EVERY time I think I want to eat something.
That sounds like a plan to me
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
"Increase the water to 4 glasses
Finish clearing the patio and take a walk outside as well as doing some work on the wii fit
Deal with paperwork issues - the forms for the hospice, the forms so I can join the bank at ROH that sort of thing.
Meditate/self heal
Continue tuning in at regular intervals"
I managed the 4 glasses of water, once I realised I could count the water I have with my medicines. Three effervescent tablets a day maybe does have some advantage after all. However I really REALLY hope that I can cut it down to one effervescent tablet a day at the end of the week. However as long as I drink a whole glass of water with my tablets that does give me a head start.But my strategy of keeping a glass by side is working.
The patio is clear of leaves, I walked to the post box to post the forms for my volunteer work at the hospice and I did 10 minutes free step and 3 minutes step basics. But it was touch and go if I did the walk. I felt wobbly legged after the workout and the patio clearing.
I did the paperwork
I ate fairly mindfully. I still eat my evening meal far too fast tho. But my biscuit count was way down. I feel so pleased. But I am really thinking 'am I really hungry' and 'what do I really want to eat'
I meditated and did some self healing.
Tuning in now I am tired, feel a little bloated but hungry at the same time. I also have some lower abdominal discomfort. Mentally I feel calm . Emotionally feel positive and confident. 'Can do' best sums it up. Should I be worried that I haven't weighed myself? Should I do a body test or step on the scales? I don't know. Have I really got the bottom of why I haven't got on top of my weight issues yet? I'm not sure . Does that matter at the moment? Clearly not or I would be doing more about it. I am taking the actions I need to take at the moment and I think my priority is to maximise my chances of doing the things I need to do rather than trying to understand why it has been a problem in the past.
So what are my goals for today?
Water up to 5 glasses ( 2 down 3 to go)
I am going swimming today and I want to try and stay in for 20 minutes.
Take the forms to ROH to start the process of getting me on to the bank and to walk there and back.
Continue with my meditation and self healing.
Do some more on my portfolio for the hypnotherapy course
Do some banking
Ring the pensions people to get a copy of my pay and tax - my accountants appear to have LOST the copy I sent them and sadly I didnt think to take a photocopy of it.
Pay for the table Krsytalwolf are going to have at the Birmingham and Black Country Parafest
Wow - thats a lot . But this is the sort of pace I need to be working at.
Finish clearing the patio and take a walk outside as well as doing some work on the wii fit
Deal with paperwork issues - the forms for the hospice, the forms so I can join the bank at ROH that sort of thing.
Meditate/self heal
Continue tuning in at regular intervals"
I managed the 4 glasses of water, once I realised I could count the water I have with my medicines. Three effervescent tablets a day maybe does have some advantage after all. However I really REALLY hope that I can cut it down to one effervescent tablet a day at the end of the week. However as long as I drink a whole glass of water with my tablets that does give me a head start.But my strategy of keeping a glass by side is working.
The patio is clear of leaves, I walked to the post box to post the forms for my volunteer work at the hospice and I did 10 minutes free step and 3 minutes step basics. But it was touch and go if I did the walk. I felt wobbly legged after the workout and the patio clearing.
I did the paperwork
I ate fairly mindfully. I still eat my evening meal far too fast tho. But my biscuit count was way down. I feel so pleased. But I am really thinking 'am I really hungry' and 'what do I really want to eat'
I meditated and did some self healing.
Tuning in now I am tired, feel a little bloated but hungry at the same time. I also have some lower abdominal discomfort. Mentally I feel calm . Emotionally feel positive and confident. 'Can do' best sums it up. Should I be worried that I haven't weighed myself? Should I do a body test or step on the scales? I don't know. Have I really got the bottom of why I haven't got on top of my weight issues yet? I'm not sure . Does that matter at the moment? Clearly not or I would be doing more about it. I am taking the actions I need to take at the moment and I think my priority is to maximise my chances of doing the things I need to do rather than trying to understand why it has been a problem in the past.
So what are my goals for today?
Water up to 5 glasses ( 2 down 3 to go)
I am going swimming today and I want to try and stay in for 20 minutes.
Take the forms to ROH to start the process of getting me on to the bank and to walk there and back.
Continue with my meditation and self healing.
Do some more on my portfolio for the hypnotherapy course
Do some banking
Ring the pensions people to get a copy of my pay and tax - my accountants appear to have LOST the copy I sent them and sadly I didnt think to take a photocopy of it.
Pay for the table Krsytalwolf are going to have at the Birmingham and Black Country Parafest
Wow - thats a lot . But this is the sort of pace I need to be working at.
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
"Today my goals are
10 minutes on the wii fit
Clear the patio of leaves
Spend 30 minutes meditating/self treating
Make a start on my portfolio
Really tune in and dceide what I want to eat before I actually eat anything
Drink at least 2 glasses of water"
I actually did manage to do most of that. 13 minutes on the wii fit, but the patio only got half cleared. Everything else I did. The tuning in was effective. I only ate 2 biscuits yesterday. My only real slip foodwise was tortilla chips during the game.
Tuning in this morning I feel tired still, and I am aware of slight lower abdominal discomfort, but I don't feel bloated the way I did yesterday. I have slowly eaten a couple of slices of toast for breakfast and I have a glass of water buy me as I did all day yesterday. Interestingly instead of having coffee as my first hot drink, I went for decaffeinated tea with lemon instead of milk. I am still hungry but I will finish the water before I head for the kitchen again. Mentally I am optimistic. I am optimistic that my health will improve, and I am optimistic about the future. Sudden;y things are coming right for us. I may have my first proper paying reiki client, I am inexorably moving closer to starting as a volunteer at the hospice, we are booked at two psychic events as stall holders, and Tony is getting more writing work via Darren. he is now doing game reviews. OK they are unpaid - but it is getting his name known. Is it coincidence that all this has started AFTER my operation? I don't think so.
So what are my goals for today?
Increase the water to 4 glasses
Finish clearing the patio and take a walk outside as well as doing some work on the wii fit
Deal with paperwork issues - the forms for the hospice, the forms so I can join the bank at ROH that sort of thing.
Meditate/self heal
Continue tuning in at regular intervals.
I was surprised how tired I felt doing the leaf clearing yesterday - so I am NOT going to risk pushing myself too fast or too hard - but I do want to push myself enough. Its tricky getting the balance right - but I am sure if I trust my instincts I will get things right.
10 minutes on the wii fit
Clear the patio of leaves
Spend 30 minutes meditating/self treating
Make a start on my portfolio
Really tune in and dceide what I want to eat before I actually eat anything
Drink at least 2 glasses of water"
I actually did manage to do most of that. 13 minutes on the wii fit, but the patio only got half cleared. Everything else I did. The tuning in was effective. I only ate 2 biscuits yesterday. My only real slip foodwise was tortilla chips during the game.
Tuning in this morning I feel tired still, and I am aware of slight lower abdominal discomfort, but I don't feel bloated the way I did yesterday. I have slowly eaten a couple of slices of toast for breakfast and I have a glass of water buy me as I did all day yesterday. Interestingly instead of having coffee as my first hot drink, I went for decaffeinated tea with lemon instead of milk. I am still hungry but I will finish the water before I head for the kitchen again. Mentally I am optimistic. I am optimistic that my health will improve, and I am optimistic about the future. Sudden;y things are coming right for us. I may have my first proper paying reiki client, I am inexorably moving closer to starting as a volunteer at the hospice, we are booked at two psychic events as stall holders, and Tony is getting more writing work via Darren. he is now doing game reviews. OK they are unpaid - but it is getting his name known. Is it coincidence that all this has started AFTER my operation? I don't think so.
So what are my goals for today?
Increase the water to 4 glasses
Finish clearing the patio and take a walk outside as well as doing some work on the wii fit
Deal with paperwork issues - the forms for the hospice, the forms so I can join the bank at ROH that sort of thing.
Meditate/self heal
Continue tuning in at regular intervals.
I was surprised how tired I felt doing the leaf clearing yesterday - so I am NOT going to risk pushing myself too fast or too hard - but I do want to push myself enough. Its tricky getting the balance right - but I am sure if I trust my instincts I will get things right.
Monday, 21 March 2011
IK so here I sit having been up for 90 minutes, but still yawning. Doing a beyond chocolate scan, physically I am tired, I feel bloated and am aware of slight heartburn. But I also feel hungry. Emotionally I feel positive and the thought in my mind is 'OK what I can do to improve things'
I am in 'can do' mood today - but I am frightened of overdoing things physically. I was shocked how tiring I found it just sitting at the study day yesterday.
What can I do that I know will boost my energy?
I had a very carb heavy diet yesterday - especially as we had pizza for dinner so I think a day with fewer carbs could be a good idea. I need to tune in and decide what I really fancy for breakfast. I think I also need a bit of detox so I know I need to drink more water LOTS more water
On the principal that the more you do the more you are able to do I need to keep going with exercise. I can't let fear stop me from doing any. But although my hear would like to take a stroll to the park, my head is saying thats a bit too far at the moment. I might have problems getting back. But what I can do is do 10 minutes on the wii fit now - and another 10 minutes later in the day. I also noticed yesterday that the patio needed clearing so I could do that and get out in the fresh air.
I could do some self treatment with reiki. That would serve a dual purpose as I tend to meditate while self treating and I am sure I would get some useful insights .
I know one reason why I am feeling lethargic is becasue I feel I am not making good use of my time so making time for meditation, and getting started on my hypnotherapy portfolio would both be good mental bossters.
All these are achievable. So lets set myself some goals both for today, and for where I wont to be by the end of the week.
Today my goals are
10 minutes on the wii fit
Clear the patio of leaves
Spend 30 minutes meditating/self treating
Make a start on my portfolio
Really tune in and dceide what I want to eat before I actually eat anything
Drink at least 2 glasses of water
By the end of the week I want to
Take a walk in the park
Have done at least a third of the questions in the portfolio
Be drinking at least 4 glasses of water a day
We are booked on a ghost hunt on Saturday night. I really can't see me making ti at the moment - but I really WOULD like to if I can.
I am in 'can do' mood today - but I am frightened of overdoing things physically. I was shocked how tiring I found it just sitting at the study day yesterday.
What can I do that I know will boost my energy?
I had a very carb heavy diet yesterday - especially as we had pizza for dinner so I think a day with fewer carbs could be a good idea. I need to tune in and decide what I really fancy for breakfast. I think I also need a bit of detox so I know I need to drink more water LOTS more water
On the principal that the more you do the more you are able to do I need to keep going with exercise. I can't let fear stop me from doing any. But although my hear would like to take a stroll to the park, my head is saying thats a bit too far at the moment. I might have problems getting back. But what I can do is do 10 minutes on the wii fit now - and another 10 minutes later in the day. I also noticed yesterday that the patio needed clearing so I could do that and get out in the fresh air.
I could do some self treatment with reiki. That would serve a dual purpose as I tend to meditate while self treating and I am sure I would get some useful insights .
I know one reason why I am feeling lethargic is becasue I feel I am not making good use of my time so making time for meditation, and getting started on my hypnotherapy portfolio would both be good mental bossters.
All these are achievable. So lets set myself some goals both for today, and for where I wont to be by the end of the week.
Today my goals are
10 minutes on the wii fit
Clear the patio of leaves
Spend 30 minutes meditating/self treating
Make a start on my portfolio
Really tune in and dceide what I want to eat before I actually eat anything
Drink at least 2 glasses of water
By the end of the week I want to
Take a walk in the park
Have done at least a third of the questions in the portfolio
Be drinking at least 4 glasses of water a day
We are booked on a ghost hunt on Saturday night. I really can't see me making ti at the moment - but I really WOULD like to if I can.
Sunday, 20 March 2011
New life new plan?
I went to a hypnotherapy study day today. The first time I have spent a whole day out since coming home. I enjoyed it but I am very tired now. The study day was about substance misuse - and as ever what we learned forced us to look at our own lives - which is not always comfortable. A lot of it was about Alcohol misuse - which inevitably took me back to memories of Alan. This was definitely not comfortable for me especially as I had very disturbing dreams about Alan this morning.
As I sit here typing this I feel bloated and full. I ate too much last night at Maggie's birthday meal, and today I have eaten too many biscuits. I also ate too much pizza tonight. I decided to order in rather than cook as I was so tired when I got home/
One of the things that was discussed today on the study day was how humans beings are almost designed to relapse when they try to change their behaviour. Another of things that was discussed was that substance misusers cannot change their behaviour until they are ready to, until they admit they have a problem, until they honestly recognise what they do and why they do it.
I am NOT comparing my weight issues with substance misuse - but there clearly are behaviours I need to change if I am to lose weight, and maybe I can;t change them until I explore what I get from them - and any secondary gain I get form being overweight.
I do definitely feel that I never want to sit here feeling like this again. I dont hate myself - I just feel so uncomfortable.
I have started to see my operation as drawing a line under my old life and giving me the chance to start a new one. I also feel life without a thyroid is going to be less healthy than life with, so it feels as if there is a greater urgency to deal with my weight issues. This is in part because the BP readings I had yesterday scared me.
I need to exercise more and I need to weigh less. So I need to honestly identify what behaviour I indulge in that stops me losing weight. I also need to do my best to increase my exercise and not be scared
I don't have a plan - yet
As I sit here typing this I feel bloated and full. I ate too much last night at Maggie's birthday meal, and today I have eaten too many biscuits. I also ate too much pizza tonight. I decided to order in rather than cook as I was so tired when I got home/
One of the things that was discussed today on the study day was how humans beings are almost designed to relapse when they try to change their behaviour. Another of things that was discussed was that substance misusers cannot change their behaviour until they are ready to, until they admit they have a problem, until they honestly recognise what they do and why they do it.
I am NOT comparing my weight issues with substance misuse - but there clearly are behaviours I need to change if I am to lose weight, and maybe I can;t change them until I explore what I get from them - and any secondary gain I get form being overweight.
I do definitely feel that I never want to sit here feeling like this again. I dont hate myself - I just feel so uncomfortable.
I have started to see my operation as drawing a line under my old life and giving me the chance to start a new one. I also feel life without a thyroid is going to be less healthy than life with, so it feels as if there is a greater urgency to deal with my weight issues. This is in part because the BP readings I had yesterday scared me.
I need to exercise more and I need to weigh less. So I need to honestly identify what behaviour I indulge in that stops me losing weight. I also need to do my best to increase my exercise and not be scared
I don't have a plan - yet
Thursday, 17 March 2011
Lack of exercise
I didn't use the wii fit yesterday. I pottered and did some very light house work. Emptying the dishwasher and putting away the vegetable box contents. As I have been doing for some days I aslo fed the cats and got my breakfast. My legs felt very shaky after that so I didn't do much more apart from sit down after that.
I want and need to move more for all sorts of reasons. And to an extent I need to move more to build up my stamina. This is really beginning to bug me. I need to see if there is any advice on line anywhere about how to build up stamina after an operation.
I am starting to get stir crazy. I need to get out beyond these four walls. I think I will try an persuade Tony to come shopping with me. Just a short drive to the supermarket and a gentle walk round.
I want and need to move more for all sorts of reasons. And to an extent I need to move more to build up my stamina. This is really beginning to bug me. I need to see if there is any advice on line anywhere about how to build up stamina after an operation.
I am starting to get stir crazy. I need to get out beyond these four walls. I think I will try an persuade Tony to come shopping with me. Just a short drive to the supermarket and a gentle walk round.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Life after surgery
Its the first time since my operation I have felt energetic enough to blog. I guess that must be a good sign. Also on re-reading my last entries I see I didnt record the fiasco about my booking at the Orthopedic hospital which means I don't have an easy prospect for work when I am recovered from surgery.
The title of my blog feels very appropriate at the moment because things ARE changing a lot at the moment.
My operation went well but I was in hospital for 5 days in the end. My calcium levels dropped and I needed 3 infusions to get them back up. This is a known side effect of having your thyroid out - but my parathyroid hormone levels have also dropped. This could be because my parathyroid gland has been either partially or totally removed along with my thyroid. If its only partially removed my extra problems are only temporary. If its totally gone then as well as Thyroxine I will be on Alfacalcidol and Calcium supplements for life too. I will be on Sandocal and Alfacalcidol for at least 6 months - and I am already fed up of a very embarrassing side effect of the Sandocal - flatulence. The smelly sort I still dont know if I will need radio iodine. I will find out on April 18th.
So my new life is one filled with medication
My owrk situation is very unclear. The hospital had to let me go after HCL made it plain they wabted a finders fee of 20,000 if I worked there through another agency within 6 months (reduced to one month later) Emmeline wants me to join their bankbut I haven't felt up to tackling the paperwork - including another CRB check. I also need to find find proff of my final salary so I can be employed at top of 8a scale. Otherwise I will be on 7 - and it wont be worthwhile. But Spire have given me a selection of dates already so I will have some work. Plus I can go back to the Orthopedic with my other agency.
My CRB check has come through for the hospice so I can finally get that sorted out and become a proper reiki practitioner actually giving reiki. Plus Karl and Shaz are running a weekend ghost fest in Alcester in September and we have already been approached by them to help out - so we may well get a chance to actually do some PAID work.
I have very little energy at the moment so exercise is out of the question. And I am worried about what all this is doing to my weight and general health. I am also acutely aware that replacing a missing gland (or 2) with synthetic analogues isn't going to be as efficient as natural hormones. I have no idea what it will do to my metabolism and how my whole body works. I could be in for a trying time as I get used to how my body and metabolism works. But I am convinced that sticking to Paul's golden rules is the best way to avoid disaster. All I have to do is stick to them - which I know isn't always as easy to do as to say.
One of the bloggers I follow had a rant the other day about the ELMM nightmare. How 'eat less and move more' isn't necessarily the answer. ELMM is sort of the core of Paul's plan. But moving more isn't one of the 4 main rules. Its an extra. I guess the problem is that eating less means you feel deprived. Paul's rules should mean you eat what your body needs without feeling deprived. I don't feel I am one the bloggers 'New me fresh start' is ranting at ......I hope.
I am wondering about trying 10 minutes on the wii fit today. I should be able to manage it - but the interesting thing is how I will feel afterwards. Watch this space.........
The title of my blog feels very appropriate at the moment because things ARE changing a lot at the moment.
My operation went well but I was in hospital for 5 days in the end. My calcium levels dropped and I needed 3 infusions to get them back up. This is a known side effect of having your thyroid out - but my parathyroid hormone levels have also dropped. This could be because my parathyroid gland has been either partially or totally removed along with my thyroid. If its only partially removed my extra problems are only temporary. If its totally gone then as well as Thyroxine I will be on Alfacalcidol and Calcium supplements for life too. I will be on Sandocal and Alfacalcidol for at least 6 months - and I am already fed up of a very embarrassing side effect of the Sandocal - flatulence. The smelly sort I still dont know if I will need radio iodine. I will find out on April 18th.
So my new life is one filled with medication
My owrk situation is very unclear. The hospital had to let me go after HCL made it plain they wabted a finders fee of 20,000 if I worked there through another agency within 6 months (reduced to one month later) Emmeline wants me to join their bankbut I haven't felt up to tackling the paperwork - including another CRB check. I also need to find find proff of my final salary so I can be employed at top of 8a scale. Otherwise I will be on 7 - and it wont be worthwhile. But Spire have given me a selection of dates already so I will have some work. Plus I can go back to the Orthopedic with my other agency.
My CRB check has come through for the hospice so I can finally get that sorted out and become a proper reiki practitioner actually giving reiki. Plus Karl and Shaz are running a weekend ghost fest in Alcester in September and we have already been approached by them to help out - so we may well get a chance to actually do some PAID work.
I have very little energy at the moment so exercise is out of the question. And I am worried about what all this is doing to my weight and general health. I am also acutely aware that replacing a missing gland (or 2) with synthetic analogues isn't going to be as efficient as natural hormones. I have no idea what it will do to my metabolism and how my whole body works. I could be in for a trying time as I get used to how my body and metabolism works. But I am convinced that sticking to Paul's golden rules is the best way to avoid disaster. All I have to do is stick to them - which I know isn't always as easy to do as to say.
One of the bloggers I follow had a rant the other day about the ELMM nightmare. How 'eat less and move more' isn't necessarily the answer. ELMM is sort of the core of Paul's plan. But moving more isn't one of the 4 main rules. Its an extra. I guess the problem is that eating less means you feel deprived. Paul's rules should mean you eat what your body needs without feeling deprived. I don't feel I am one the bloggers 'New me fresh start' is ranting at ......I hope.
I am wondering about trying 10 minutes on the wii fit today. I should be able to manage it - but the interesting thing is how I will feel afterwards. Watch this space.........
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