It is the first Thursday of my new routine - and I am sitting here feeling a bit yuck. But in kepeing with my new practice I do not have either the radio or television on and I can hear a bird singing outside - which is very cheering.

I think I overdid with it a vigorous workout on top of the walking and a days work. I was totally knackered yesterday and didnt get up until nearly 9. I am still tired this morning, and rather bemused with juggling how to get to the dentist this evening. I will HAVE to have access to my car so somehow I have got to leave the car nearer work than my garage.

Anyway I am not doing a workout this morning (and didn't do one yesterday) And tomorrow when I will do a workout it wont be the personal training thing, I am on my feet and moving so much at work I think that will have to do as the increased movement I am aiming for. I have been staggered by how tired I have been and am this week.

Because I have been tired food hasn't gone well.It went totally to pot yesterday. Never mind today I go back to eating slowly and mindfully, and really appreciating what I eat.

On Monday I saw a FB post about 2 free places being available on a mediumship development course near us. So I grabbed them and last night was the first night of the 5 weeks. I think it is going to be so helpful. And much to my relief he isn't teaching us meditation . But last night he taught us useful techniques to relax both the body and the mind . I have a good feeling about the course

I am tired, still with a cough and I ache a lat - but I have a good feeling about today too. Both food and my transport issues can be and WILL be sorted .

So far not so good

I found yesterday VERY tiring . I think adjusting to regular work is going to be tricky. And the senior technician still persists in bringing in biscuits. I ate far too many biscuits yesterday because I was tired and stressed. I need to do some self hypnotic stuff to help me with that I think.

But on the plus side I have used the Kinect this morning, and I have made myself a fruit smoothie as a drink, and BOY do I know I have done the workout on the kinect.

Also on the plus side I have been honest and I have blogged.

Its not all bad news is it?

New routine

Today is the first day of my new job with a new routine - and I have made a great start by getting up late. But I didnt sleep well and I am not sure why.

Food and exercise have been going pretty well since my last entry. I am using the Kinect 'Your shape fitness evolved' and it is MUCH tougher than the Wii. But I am going to stick with it. And I will be doing more walking now I am back at ROH. Plus last week on the course I was working with one of the students who specializes in weight loss and she did a short session with me that has managed to reduce my biscuit obsession.

Despite being late up I do still have time to do meditation, exercise, and the other things I want to do - but I wont have any time this morning for studying.

I am a bit down that BOTH my prospective hypnotherapy subjects have put it off. But life is like that

So at the start of this new section of my life I am comfortable, can see where I am going and keeping positive

The power of 'ill'

I have been at low parr for weeks now. I came down with flu a week before Xmas, felt better by Xmas Eve then had a dip on Xmas Day and didnt feel like eating much. I slowly imporved then on Tuesday this week I had another sore throat and felt as if I was coming down with a cold again. Yesterday I felt so bad I didnt go to my hypnotherapy course and spent the day taking strepsils and paracetamol. This morning I STILL have a sore throat on one side. Interestingly it is the same side as the large nodule on my thyroid and I am wondering if that is a coincidence.

I know that thinking of yourself as being 'ill' is a great excuse not to exercise enough, and it can also become an excuse to avioid other issues. So recognising real illness is quite important. So am I really 'ill'? Is this one sides sore throat infective or mechanical? I know I still have the remnants of the cough from my flu but do I have an exacerbation of the old illness?

I am trying to balance my priorities. I MUST be fit to go to work on Monday (although using Eriksonian techniques I could ask myself what will happen if I dont) OK I WANT to go to work on Monday and want to be fully sit to do that. My problem is whether to do that I need to sacrifice the course again today?

If I am not 'ill' then going is the best thing I could do. It will get me out of the house and it will inspire and motivate me. If I AM ill then going could lead to a relapse.

I guess the best thing to do is go, because if I start to feel really poorly i can always leave early and accept that I will have to redo this module later.

That feels like a plan to me.

A new fitness strategy

Yesterday I used the Kinect and played a game on Kinect Adventures before I went anywhere. I have also ordered the fitness programme for the Kinect so when that arrives I have 2 goals.

1. learn how to use the Xbox/kinect with confidence
2 Get back in the habit of daily workouts.

But I wont be doing a work out this morning becasue I feel awful. I have a horrible sore throat, and feel as if I have the beginings of a cold. But the nose and eyes could still be the remnants of the bug I had before Xmas whihc never really went away.

I still am not on track with food. There are biscuits on offer every break at the course and I am am eating too many. But doing a this course will help me sort out my motivation and the blockages in my goal to lose weight. Although Nick the course tutor came out with an unteresting comment. If you talk about losing weight it implies that you can find it again. So he talks about reducing weight instead.

I think I was on the right track when I didnt make my weight part of the goal at all. My aim was to get fit - and maybe I ought to get back to that.

So I am slowly working on my fitness strategy - but I know I have to get the balance right between my health and my fitness.

I was chatting my masseur friend last night and he asked about my back. He was concerned I have let exercise drop - and he thought having a goal like the Race for Life would be a good motivator. Maybe not the Race for Life but I think I might try and find another 5K race I could try

self esteem

Over the past few days I have had a number of reminders about the importance of looking after myself and the need to bolster my self esteem. I am hoping starting on the second module of the hypnotherapy course today will help to boost my self esteem - which I have to admit is at a very low point. I seem to be trapped in that horrible viscous circle where I try to bolster my self esteem by snacking - it was peanuts last night- and then the realisation that I over ate makes me feel fat and bloated and generally feel very bad about myself.

I know some of it is emotional eating because I am worried about what the biopsy on my thyroid will show. But this morning I feel truly terrible. Sluggish, tired really really fat. I know one way out of the cycle is to get back in the exercise habit - and part of me wants to go for a walk. The other part of me is worried about my safety in the park in the dark. So I am aiming to go for a swim before the course starts. I know action is the key to getting out of this horrible place I am in and that is the easiest action to take,

I saw a wonderful work out program for the Kinect yesterday and I am going to get it and use that instead of the Wii fit. It will be better for me because it doesn't weigh you.

I got my copy of 'I can make you thin' back yesterday. I wonder if that isa sign I should start using it again?

I am really looking forward to the course this week. I am really looking forward to next Sunday when I will be doing my first hypnotherapy session with a real client - one of role player friends. I am looking forward to having a routine in my life again once I start work at ROH. I think lack of earning capacity has been hitting my self esteem more than I thought too.

I haven't written down any goals for 2011 yet. I think I need to set some goals to provide some focus. I will get them sorted out by the end of this week.

Looking back and looking forward

Looking back at 2010 it has been a mixed year. I haven't lost weight - in fact I have put weight on. I did well with exercise and am still pleased by my efforts in the Race for Life. Although I haven't had the paying reiki clients I set as my target I have had 1 - but I have had MORE than 5 reiki clients that are NOT friends , because of the afternoon at the hospice. That is going to 'pay' in a different way when I start working regularly at the hospice.

So what about 2011? Well I am NOT giving up on trying to stay fit. Today I didnt finish my breakfast - my oirst attempt to get back in line with Paul's rules. I have a feeling the hypnotherapy course is going to help me a lot. Signing up for the course was the right thing for me to do.

I need to get back into the habit of exercise. There is no doubt training for the Race for Life was a good motivation for me. Maybe I should sign up to do it again.But I would like someone to exercise with. Margaret and I are going swimming together now - but its a bit sporadic.

Fitting in meditation and exercise should be easy with my new booking at ROH. An 11.00 am start gives me PLENTY of time to do both. I have no excuse to slip out of the habit again. In fact the first few months of 2011 are sorted as far as work is concerned.

There is of course one blot on the landscape - the lump on my thyroid. I have the biopsy on Jan 17th. I have no doubt once I know the result of that I will be more focussed