Depsite discomfort and needing to where the TENS machine it HAS been a good day. I didn't drink much water but I managed the rest of the 'golden rules' quite well. I even cooked pasta for mysefl when I did Fish and Chips for the men. I didn't WANT the fish and chips. I really enjoyed the pasta - and all the food I ate today.
I managed to empty my e-mail box at work. I didn't feel especially inspired by anything I read - but nothing really tied my stomach in knots either. I also managed to be the sole pharmacist in the duspensary for the lucnh hour. I worked from 9.15 to 2.16 and next weel I am going to try orking 9.00 till about 4.00 and see how I go on. But I still find myself quite content to be in the dispensary.
I've had a busy day because after work Steve and I went shopping for the BBQ suppies, and then we built the BBQ. We were in bits by the time we finished.... well YOU try having a sensible conversation when you keep talking about screws, nuts ,holes and R's - even when it IS your son you are talking to (or in his case your mother) It was hysterical.
But despite doing so much, I feel quite energetic. It is now past 10.00pm and although I will be going to bed soon, I am much less tired than I have been.
It has been a good day - and I hope the start of a good weekend
Friday, 4 July 2008
Two posts a day?
It may seem ecessive but I find it useful. I can clarify my thoughts as I make my morning entry. And recording how I feel at the beggining of the day put my entry later into perspective. Also my previous McKenna training (Change your life in 7 days) trained me to plan the day ahead as I want it to go. Thats probably one reason why when I take that first loo in a mirror, I can nearly always see something positive. Also one insight from this morning is that the 'I can make you thin' programme is also about helping you to accept yourself as you are, while instilling healthier eating habits.
This morning I found myself considering why I hae a weight problem. I do know the good nutrion rules better than most. I throughly enjoy fresh fruit and vegetables. But I know I have eaten too large protions, and I have eaten too many crips and biscuits. If I can learn to listen to my bodies 'full'signal I will eat smaller portions (and this is already happening) . The crips and biscuits are emotional eating - and there is no dout at the moment there are a large number of issues payng havoc with my emotionas and making large demands on my emotional equilibrium. So I think I need to concentrate on my emotional needs.
Undoubtedly my job situation is a large part of the emotional stress I am under. I have now been back at work for one week. And already I have developed a new pain (right shoulder) that I can directly attribute to work (reaching up to put the paperwork in the trays on top of the pigeonholes).
Tday I am going to go in early and clear my e-mail box. I think that will provide some useful insights into whether working at BWH is a realistic option. But I MUST keep an open mind.
However Yvonne made an off the cuff comment that I have been unable to forget. She took the 'retire for one day' option and says its the best thing she ever did. She says she is enjoying her life NOW becasue you can't take it with you. Steve doesn't need a legacy from me apart from the house so I don't need to have any guilt about using MY money for MY benefit.
This morning I found myself considering why I hae a weight problem. I do know the good nutrion rules better than most. I throughly enjoy fresh fruit and vegetables. But I know I have eaten too large protions, and I have eaten too many crips and biscuits. If I can learn to listen to my bodies 'full'signal I will eat smaller portions (and this is already happening) . The crips and biscuits are emotional eating - and there is no dout at the moment there are a large number of issues payng havoc with my emotionas and making large demands on my emotional equilibrium. So I think I need to concentrate on my emotional needs.
Undoubtedly my job situation is a large part of the emotional stress I am under. I have now been back at work for one week. And already I have developed a new pain (right shoulder) that I can directly attribute to work (reaching up to put the paperwork in the trays on top of the pigeonholes).
Tday I am going to go in early and clear my e-mail box. I think that will provide some useful insights into whether working at BWH is a realistic option. But I MUST keep an open mind.
However Yvonne made an off the cuff comment that I have been unable to forget. She took the 'retire for one day' option and says its the best thing she ever did. She says she is enjoying her life NOW becasue you can't take it with you. Steve doesn't need a legacy from me apart from the house so I don't need to have any guilt about using MY money for MY benefit.
Thursday, 3 July 2008
Coping with ups and downs
Well after an inspired start this morning, its all gone a bit 'pete tong' Between pain in my back and shoulder, and some unfortunate news that affects my financial situation, right now I'm feeling pretty fed up. I know my reaction to the financial news was probably not warranted and was probably a refelction of my tiredness. So I want to try and use this entry to emphasise the positive.
So lets concentrate my weight loss efforts. I have ried with the golden rules but not really succeeded briliant. I listend to the track, I ate what I wanted, when I was hungry - although stemming my appetite at work was tricky. I did eat consciously but not as slwly as I should have done probably. I didn't drink water, and because I used the car I didn't move my body as much as I would have liked. To be fair my back is preventing me from doing as much excercise as I want to so I don't really blame myself for that. In fact I don't really have anything to balme myse;f about. I am trying to follow the programme, and just because I can't get it completely right every day, doesn't mean that I am a failure.
I think I have to work harder on workig out what I really want to eat. I;ve made a start with ditchnig the sweeteners and realising sandwihes for lunch are much nicer than crispbreads. I've had two biscuit todayc -and some gorgeous cake at work. But I ate it slowly - and very nice it was too. I haven't binged on biscuits. I am worried that if I can't walk far it will make losing weight harder - but I trust that if I don't do as much excercise. my body will still tell me how much food it need. All I have to do is listen to what it tells me.
Last night and this morning I asked for some sign about what I am suosed to do about work. Should I stay at the hospital or just retire? This news may just be the sign that I should retire.
I got my work e-mail account re-activated today. I was told I have a new accoutn when I started back but they've ust re-activayed my old one. I oend it to discover over 650 emails i my in box. My reaction to tat, and my reaction to seeing some of the senders of the e-mails- was a revelation. I felt no desire to read any of the mails, no desire to bring myself up to speed with anything tat had been going on. I just felt like running away.
I have also realised that I can totally selfish about my ension and lump sum. Steven won't need anything from me financially at all. I can use the money to enjoy life now. The idea is evry tempting..............................
I am really very lucky. I do have options that other people would give their eye teeth for. I need to count mt blessings
So lets concentrate my weight loss efforts. I have ried with the golden rules but not really succeeded briliant. I listend to the track, I ate what I wanted, when I was hungry - although stemming my appetite at work was tricky. I did eat consciously but not as slwly as I should have done probably. I didn't drink water, and because I used the car I didn't move my body as much as I would have liked. To be fair my back is preventing me from doing as much excercise as I want to so I don't really blame myself for that. In fact I don't really have anything to balme myse;f about. I am trying to follow the programme, and just because I can't get it completely right every day, doesn't mean that I am a failure.
I think I have to work harder on workig out what I really want to eat. I;ve made a start with ditchnig the sweeteners and realising sandwihes for lunch are much nicer than crispbreads. I've had two biscuit todayc -and some gorgeous cake at work. But I ate it slowly - and very nice it was too. I haven't binged on biscuits. I am worried that if I can't walk far it will make losing weight harder - but I trust that if I don't do as much excercise. my body will still tell me how much food it need. All I have to do is listen to what it tells me.
Last night and this morning I asked for some sign about what I am suosed to do about work. Should I stay at the hospital or just retire? This news may just be the sign that I should retire.
I got my work e-mail account re-activated today. I was told I have a new accoutn when I started back but they've ust re-activayed my old one. I oend it to discover over 650 emails i my in box. My reaction to tat, and my reaction to seeing some of the senders of the e-mails- was a revelation. I felt no desire to read any of the mails, no desire to bring myself up to speed with anything tat had been going on. I just felt like running away.
I have also realised that I can totally selfish about my ension and lump sum. Steven won't need anything from me financially at all. I can use the money to enjoy life now. The idea is evry tempting..............................
I am really very lucky. I do have options that other people would give their eye teeth for. I need to count mt blessings
Early morning inspiration?
Its 7.10 am - and I've been awake since 5.30 thanks to my back and the cats. I was hungry and thirsty so I got myself some water and quickly did some Ryvita and peanut butter( eat when you are hungry!) and took them back to bed. But I still couldn't settle so I've done some tidying in the bedroom . I am now up properly and having a proper breakfast after having something of a revelation.
I've realised I haven't been following Paul's programme in one important way. One of Paul's instructions is to get rid of all the low fat, low sugar, and sugar free foods. I didn't. I still have sweetener in my coffee and sugar substitute on my cereal. But if I want sweet things, could this be my bodies way of tellig me I need the sugar for some energy? Maybe I will feel less tired if I have sugar ? Could it be that simple?
So I am going to ditch the sweeteners and subsitutes for a time. Weetabix with strawberries and sugar tasted better and had a better texture than the same breakfast with Canderel.
I will stick with this and see how it goes and how I feel. Looking it at from the old viewpoint of calorie counting, the extra sugar isn't a massive amount of calories.
Watch this space!
I've realised I haven't been following Paul's programme in one important way. One of Paul's instructions is to get rid of all the low fat, low sugar, and sugar free foods. I didn't. I still have sweetener in my coffee and sugar substitute on my cereal. But if I want sweet things, could this be my bodies way of tellig me I need the sugar for some energy? Maybe I will feel less tired if I have sugar ? Could it be that simple?
So I am going to ditch the sweeteners and subsitutes for a time. Weetabix with strawberries and sugar tasted better and had a better texture than the same breakfast with Canderel.
I will stick with this and see how it goes and how I feel. Looking it at from the old viewpoint of calorie counting, the extra sugar isn't a massive amount of calories.
Watch this space!
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
Know your limits
That is the lesson I leant today. I overdid it yesterday - and paid for it today. Walking both ways was not such a good idea after all.
OK first things first. How did I manage the food issue today? Lets do Mr McKenna's check lict
I listened to the CD - check
I ate when I was hungry - check . I still had some problems with nervous hunger but not as bad as yesterday
I what I wanted. - and the piece of flapjack was WONDERFUL!!! check
I ate conciously - check.
I stopped when I was full - check
I drank water - lots of it. I keot a mug of water on the bench at work check
I moved my body - well as much as could (see later in teh post for more about this)
I did the mirror excersise .....well sort of.
S overall I feel I did well with food today. I know I am eating smaller portions, and my con sumtion of biscuits has droped drastically. I've also realised that eating what I want not what I think I should have means eating bread instead of crispbreads most of the time. I really enjoy bread. Crackers and crisbreads still have a place - with cheese and pate mainly. But I will never again take crispbreads for my lunch as work.
I would love to feel full of energy - as per the guru's predictions for following this programme - but I know there are other factors affecting this.
Work went OK up to a point. I was rostered to be there from 11.30 - 2.00. I got there about 9.30 full of enthusiasm and good intentions. But despite sitting down as much as I could my back and leg began to remind me they have issues! And I felt really tired too so I gave up at 1.30.
So no more walking both ways - and for the moment I will stick to the 3 hours of work I know I can cope with.
So the physical side of work was a problem. The clincial and professional side went well. I enoyed talking to patients at the hatch, I was able to advise junior pharmacists, I still have knowledge in my head that I can use. I can still function as a pharmacist in some capacity. I have no intention of trying to decide in what capacity at this stage.
I thoroughly enjoyed my after work trip to Rachel's - and a truly scrumptious tuna bagel. It was great to get such an affectionate from the boys as well. Thanks Rachel. You're a real friend hun xxx
OK first things first. How did I manage the food issue today? Lets do Mr McKenna's check lict
I listened to the CD - check
I ate when I was hungry - check . I still had some problems with nervous hunger but not as bad as yesterday
I what I wanted. - and the piece of flapjack was WONDERFUL!!! check
I ate conciously - check.
I stopped when I was full - check
I drank water - lots of it. I keot a mug of water on the bench at work check
I moved my body - well as much as could (see later in teh post for more about this)
I did the mirror excersise .....well sort of.
S overall I feel I did well with food today. I know I am eating smaller portions, and my con sumtion of biscuits has droped drastically. I've also realised that eating what I want not what I think I should have means eating bread instead of crispbreads most of the time. I really enjoy bread. Crackers and crisbreads still have a place - with cheese and pate mainly. But I will never again take crispbreads for my lunch as work.
I would love to feel full of energy - as per the guru's predictions for following this programme - but I know there are other factors affecting this.
Work went OK up to a point. I was rostered to be there from 11.30 - 2.00. I got there about 9.30 full of enthusiasm and good intentions. But despite sitting down as much as I could my back and leg began to remind me they have issues! And I felt really tired too so I gave up at 1.30.
So no more walking both ways - and for the moment I will stick to the 3 hours of work I know I can cope with.
So the physical side of work was a problem. The clincial and professional side went well. I enoyed talking to patients at the hatch, I was able to advise junior pharmacists, I still have knowledge in my head that I can use. I can still function as a pharmacist in some capacity. I have no intention of trying to decide in what capacity at this stage.
I thoroughly enjoyed my after work trip to Rachel's - and a truly scrumptious tuna bagel. It was great to get such an affectionate from the boys as well. Thanks Rachel. You're a real friend hun xxx
Tuesday, 1 July 2008
Progress!
I walked to work and walked back. That is my big success. I feel knackered after doing it - but I did it. I know the walking is good for me for all sorts of health reasons so that is one achevment that makes me feel good about myself.
I managed to sit down a lot more at work today so I found it less tiring and less stressful. But I know sitting down isn't something I can do when am in my 'proper' job. I found my proper job tiring even before all this happened.
So how has the food side gone? I have felt hungry all day today - but it wasn't real hunger -it was nervous hunger. But I haven't made any huge slips. 1 biscuit and an ice lolly on the way home were the only indulgence foods I had - s0 I feel reasonably happy about that.
On the minus side I couldn't settle to listen to either of my McKenna tracks. But I am managing to keep on track without them at the moment.
I managed to sit down a lot more at work today so I found it less tiring and less stressful. But I know sitting down isn't something I can do when am in my 'proper' job. I found my proper job tiring even before all this happened.
So how has the food side gone? I have felt hungry all day today - but it wasn't real hunger -it was nervous hunger. But I haven't made any huge slips. 1 biscuit and an ice lolly on the way home were the only indulgence foods I had - s0 I feel reasonably happy about that.
On the minus side I couldn't settle to listen to either of my McKenna tracks. But I am managing to keep on track without them at the moment.
New day new beggining?
So I sit here facing another day at Selly Oak, wondering how I am going to cope. I have knots in my stomach and I am not due in for another 4 hours offcially. Why am I so anxious? Is this a signal that returning to work at the hospital is a total non starter? Ort is it just because I am tired and not thinking rationally. Time wll tell.
I tried to use the McKenna track last night but gave up half way through as I couldn't relax at all. I'll try to listen to one of them this morning before I go out.
On the plus side I do feel positive about managing food at the moment - although it is tricky fitting eatig when you are hungry round work lunch breaks. Even if I dn't always stick to the rules I know the ed result is that I am eating less and excersisng more so overall that is good for me. I do think I need to increase my water intake though so tat is my goa foir today to drink more water. On the basis of 'eat what you really want ' I had sugar on my cereal this morning. It gives a crunchy texture that canderel and other subsitiutes just don't give. I really did enjoy the cereal much more. I am still eating what I think I should and not what I want to an extent. Hmmmm..I need to think about that.
Anyway time for me to get ready to go greet and the world.
I tried to use the McKenna track last night but gave up half way through as I couldn't relax at all. I'll try to listen to one of them this morning before I go out.
On the plus side I do feel positive about managing food at the moment - although it is tricky fitting eatig when you are hungry round work lunch breaks. Even if I dn't always stick to the rules I know the ed result is that I am eating less and excersisng more so overall that is good for me. I do think I need to increase my water intake though so tat is my goa foir today to drink more water. On the basis of 'eat what you really want ' I had sugar on my cereal this morning. It gives a crunchy texture that canderel and other subsitiutes just don't give. I really did enjoy the cereal much more. I am still eating what I think I should and not what I want to an extent. Hmmmm..I need to think about that.
Anyway time for me to get ready to go greet and the world.
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